Hamilton One Shots

“No, you deserve to only kiss winners. As a person who just lost, that does not include me,” he proclaimed melodramatically before leaning against Thomas’s legs. “Your half of my kisses is going to be split between Lucy and Susan.” To prove his point, John leaned down and kissed Lucy’s cheeks, making her giggle.

“Yay! Johnny’s my boyfriend!”

“No boyfriends until you’re 30,” Thomas reminded her, though it was hard to keep himself from smiling at the situation. If someone had told him a month ago that he’d be there just laughing and freely enjoying himself with no hidden agenda, he would’ve laughed and thought about all of the wrong that he’d done, whether or not he would’ve recognized it as such. He knew just how lucky he was to have someone like John forgiving him and he was not going to ruin his chances. Not again.

“Alright, guys! It’s time for dinner,” George called out as he helped Martha set the table. “Thomas, you and Lucy are welcome to stay and join us.”

Thomas shook his head. “No.. Lucy and I have a long day tomorrow and it’s time for her to start getting ready for bed. I wouldn’t want us to just eat and go..”

Martha shook her head. “No, no, I insist! Especially with little Lucy there. Even if you don’t want to eat, she needs to.”

“Well..” Thomas looked down at Lucy, who looked back at him with pleading eyes. “Alright..”

“Great!” Martha smiled and set their places. “Wash up, then come on and eat.”

John was the first one to do just that and the first one at the table, digging into the beef stew and rice with Alexander close behind him.

Alexander wasn’t eating nearly as eagerly, but he was eating much better than he ever used to.

Lafayette and Hercules joined them next, sitting beside each other with their chairs pushed close.

Finally, Thomas walked with Lucy back to the table, helping her onto the chair before sitting in his own, letting his sister take the seat beside John.

Unfortunately, this gave her a close enough seat to see Alexander push some of his food onto John's plate, the latter completely accepting the offer.

"Johnny, Alex should finish his food so he can grow up and be big," she reprimanded, copying the words of her older brother.

John glanced between her and Alexander for a second, hoping to come up with the right words. "Well.. Alexander's a little sick.. He can't eat as much as me.." Alexander's serving was closer in size to Lucy's than to anyone else at the table.

"But won't eating more help him get better?.."

Alexander was eating more. He was getting better. But telling Lucy that would only lead to her asking how much he used to eat.

"What are you and Tommy busy with tomorrow?" John asked instead, hoping to distract Lucy just enough to push away the topic.

And it worked like a charm. Her eyes lit up and she seemed to sit a little bit taller in her chair. "Wash day! Tommy promised he'd braid my hair again!"

"Again?" John asked with a small chuckle. During the first try of their relationship, John remembered just how much Thomas had struggled with braiding Mary’s hair, at her request, with John and Martha’s help, so the idea of him braiding Lucy’s thicker hair seemed impossible.

“I can learn new things,” Thomas commented, playfully glaring at John. “Lucy isn’t big enough to learn how to do it herself and she doesn’t like other people messing with her hair, so I learned to do it for her.”

Alexander’s eyebrows raised in surprise, just a bit. He was still unused to seeing how good of big brother Thomas was. It reminded him of how good John was, but being sweet was something he could see from John, no problem. From Thomas, however... “I’d like to see that,” Alexander unknowingly muttered under his breath.

Lucy’s eyes seemed to shine with a new idea. “They should come over! I want Johnny to come over and you can show Alex that you’re nice because you’re a good big brother!”

Thomas choked on his water. That was the last time he confided in her. “Lucy, we can’t just take up their time.. I’m sure they had other plans for their weekend..”

Actually, Alexander had been curious about what made Lafayette’s hair so special that they put aside a whole day to wash it and he was sure that Thomas and Lucy’s hair was the same, so... “We didn’t have anything planned.. I think we were just going to sit and watch movies like usual,” Alexander added with a shrug.

And, for once, Alexander’s disagreement wasn’t such a bad thing.

John smiled a bit and nodded. “Well.. If he says so, I guess there’s no reason why we can’t go over.. That is, if we won’t be intruding.”

Thomas shook his head. “Sunshine, you two can never be an intrusion. You’re more than welcome over, if you really want to.”

“Sounds like a plan, then,” John said with a nod, squeezing Alexander’s hand under the table. He couldn’t have known why exactly Alexander wanted to go over, but he did know that it couldn’t have been easy to admit.

Alexander squeezed his hand back lightly, smiling to himself. “John?..”

“Yeah?”

Alexander didn’t respond, simply smiling widely down at his empty plate.

John smiled with him and kissed his cheek, making a mental note to give him a proper kiss later, before taking Alexander’s plate as well as his own to the sink, sighing contently. Things were good. There were a few complications, as there would always be, but... Things were going good. It was just a matter of hoping they’d stay that way.

That night, he and Alexander went to his apartment, Thomas and Lucy in their own next door, and spent their time quietly, enjoying the peace that they were seeing less and less of with every big obstacle life decided to throw their way.

In the morning, the pair got up and got ready to bother Thomas and Lucy for the day, taking quick showers and eating a small breakfast before going over, knocking on their door.

Thomas answered within the minute, smiling as he saw them. “Good morning, sunshine. Alex.” He leaned down and kissed John’s cheek. “Come on in, Lucy won’t let me near her hair without you guys here to watch.”

Said child ran out to greet them, her hair already out of the puffs that Thomas had it in before. “Johnny!”

“Hey, Lucy.” He smiled and leaned down, letting her hug him. “Alright, we’re here. Come on, Tommy has to help you do your hair.”

“I know!” she chirped, running around the apartment.

Thomas smiled. “She loves wash day.. It’s guaranteed quiet time with me and we get ice cream after, but I don’t know if we’ll have time for that, if she wants me to braid her hair again..”

“If it comes down to it, I’ll go get the ice cream, no problem,” John promised, stepping inside with Alexander close behind him.

“We’ll see.. If a certain someone can stay still, we can probably finish a bit sooner than that.” Thomas smiled as he watched Lucy run around and followed her into the kitchen, lifting her onto the counter and having her turn around before spraying her hair with a bottle labeled “Detangler.”

“So.. Can you explain this stuff to me?... I’ve been curious because of Laf’s hair...”

“Yeah, no problem,” Thomas hummed as he began running his fingers through Lucy’s hair. He explained the significance of each step as he went through them, Alexander listening intently. He wasn’t really one to care about that kind of thing - hell, he hardly took care of his own hair - but he couldn’t help but be curious about the way theirs was so different.

John simply watched quietly as the day went on. After all, Martha’s hair was similar, even if not quite as thick as Lucy’s. He’d helped her figure out her own hair routine when attempting to care for it the same way as John cared for his own hair simply wasn’t working.

Almost two hours later, the three guys were sitting on the couch with Lucy on the floor in front of them, her eyes glued to a cartoon on Thomas’s phone as he began braiding her hair.

“I hope you guys know that this is going to take a lot longer than the washing,” Thomas mentioned. “This’ll be at least three Disney movies, four if Lucy needs a break.”

Neither boy seemed to mind.

“It’s not like we were planning on doing much else today, anyways,” Alexander shrugged.

“Yeah, we were probably just going to do the same thing,” John added, pulling out his phone as it buzzed. “... Or not. Laf says they need my help with Francis.. Do you want to come along, Alex, or..”

He shook his head. “I’ll stay here. If Laf’s asking for your help with her, it’s probably make up related or something. I don’t want to get in the way.”

“You’re never in the way.” John smiled and pecked his lips before getting up, stopped by a voice calling him back.

“Woah, woah, where’s my kiss, sunshine?” Thomas asked jokingly.

John rolled his eyes playfully and went back, kissing his cheek and leaving before Thomas could protest.

“That guy,” Thomas said with a tut before turning to the remaining boy in the room. “Um... If you want, Alex, we can order some food, my treat. It’s about lunch time anyways..” He wasn’t sure how Alexander would react to the offer, knowing that they both knew about his eating habits, but it was better than ordering and just assuming he wouldn’t eat.

“... Sure...” Alexander responded hesitantly. He didn’t want to force himself to eat in front of Lucy and especially not in front of Thomas, but what was his alternative? To just not eat? He was trying to get better at that for John and not eating was not the way to go. So, he just ordered some Chinese food, letting Lucy and Thomas give their input on what to get, of course.

As that was happening, John made his way to Herc’s shop, heading inside and smiling at his friends as he got there.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Lafayette smiled as he noticed John, pulling him into the back room. “Hey.. Sorry to bother you, but Francis wants to try wearing crop tops. The problem is, she only feels confident enough to try it if someone else is... Martha said she would, but she’s on a date and Theodosia doesn’t feel comfortable with them and..” Lafayette hesitated, still unsure of how to describe his own feelings. Sure, it was a nonbinary day, but feminine things still felt so.. Wrong. Not bad, but gross.

“You don’t need to explain, Laf, I’m glad to help,” John shrugged with a smile. “Thomas and Alexander should be fine by themselves for a while, especially with Lucy right there, but I’ll let them know I’ll be gone for a while.”

“You are the best!” Lafayette exclaimed with a wide smile, pushing a few hangers against John’s chest before pushing him into a changing room.

John chuckled and sent Alexander a quick message before changing, getting a response a little before he finished.

[Alex: Ugh, y is sum1 always stelin u?]

[John: Francis just needs someone to help her feel better about wearing girl clothes] [John: It’s worth it, I promise]

[Alex: Wut cud b betr tan havin u?]

John sent him a picture of himself in his plain black crop top.

[Alex: Undrstud]

John smiled and put his phone away before going out. “Alright, how do I look?”

Frances groaned. “Why do you look better than me?”

“I do not. You’re just not owning it.”

“And how do I do that, Lafayette Jr?”

John rolled his eyes. “I can’t explain it, you just do. Just know you look good and that nobody else can change that. What, are you going to let some asshole who doesn’t even think you should be allowed to exist judge what you want to wear?”

Frances thought for a second before nodding slowly. “I guess I see your point... Alright.”

“Also, and Lafayette did teach me this one, posture is everything. If you walk like a bad bitch, everyone will know that you are a bad bitch, simple as that.”

Frances snorted with laughter, but straightened up her back and lifted her head anyways. “Like this?” She followed John’s advice and strutted across the shop with enough confidence to even make Lafayette step out of her way. And she wasn’t even coming towards them.

“Yeah, you’re ready. Now, we can go.” John high fived her and grabbed Lafayette’s car keys before walking out.

“Hey, I didn’t say-”

“Bye, Laf!”

“I hate you..” Alexander grumbled, making John roll his eyes. 

“You kept stalling, I don’t know what you expected.” 

“I expected you not to stab me!” Alexander whined as he held a cotton ball against the injection site. “You know I hate needles, this isn’t the way to make that any less true!” 

John smiled. “But it got done. That’s what matters.” 

“… You’re next.”

“Nice try, but I inject my own testosterone. I have for years now, in case you forgot.” 

Alexander mocked John under his breath as he gave him a bandaid. 

“Alexander, I sat here with you for almost half an hour while you attempted to debate your way out of this. I feel justified in what I did.” He kissed Alexander’s forehead, then got up and went to the bathroom, giving himself his own testosterone shot and coming back out to find Alexander wrapped tightly in the blankets, a pout set on his face. 

“Really?”

“Don’t talk to me, traitor.” 

John chuckled and sat in front of him, following him around the bed as he attempted to roll away. “I’m not changing out of my binder until I get a kiss and forgiveness.” 

Alexander glared lightly, knowing that John could’ve very well been serious, and puckered his lips. 

John gladly accepted his kiss and went to their dresser, changing into a sports bra. “Look on the bright side. After years of using testosterone gel, you’ve just had your first testosterone injection without crying or screaming.” Both of which, Alexander swore he was going to do when it happened. 

“Yeah, because I was too shocked that you’d betray me like that.” 

John shook his head and pulled on his shirt. “Will a movie night and cuddling make you feel better?”

Alexander pondered on that for a second before responding. “Yes. Yes it will.”

“Then movie night it is. Come on, I think Into The Spider Verse is on Netflix now.”

Alexander hopped out of his burrito and took the blanket to the couch, waiting patiently as John made snacks. As he did, he began to think, running his hand over his face. “Hey John?”

“Yeah?” 

“Um.. How long did it take for you to grow facial hair?..” That was the main drawback to taking testosterone through the gel. While it changed Alexander’s voice, it had done nothing for his facial hair growth. 

“I don’t know.. A couple of months?” It was something John hadn’t paid much attention to. Not when he just shaved it anyways. “But you’re a smaller guy taking about the same dosage of T, it might be a bit sooner.” 

Alexander smiled at the thought and began imagining what he’d look like with actual hair on his face. 

“If you grow a beard, I’m never letting you go down on me,” John said, the clearly joking tone in his voice making Alexander chuckle and roll his eyes. 

“Sure, you say that now.” 

“Dude, Laf tried that back when we were a thing and it was not pleasant. I will make you shave before sex, if I have to,” he fake threatened. 

“Okay, but I’ve gotten in more practice than Laf, so at least think about letting me try it. John, I’ve always wanted a beard!” 

John sighed dramatically and began walking over with two bowls of ice cream, both topped with chocolate and marshmallows, and a large bowl of popcorn. “I will consider it.” He kissed Alexander’s cheek before turning to fact the tv as the movie started. 

Two bowls of ice cream, half a bowl of popcorn, and two movies later, John was laying down against the couch with Alexander on top of him and a blanket covering them both. 

Alexander rested his head on John’s chest, sighing at the cushion it provided. “Is this okay?..” John was definitely more comfortable in the body he was born in than Alexander had ever been before his top surgery, but that never stopped the Carribbean man from asking. 

“It’s fine,” John said simply, kissing the top of Alexander’s head. 

“Good..” Alexander shut his eyes, ignoring whatever movie started playing. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” John asked as he noticed. 

Alexander shook his head. “No.. I’m just thinking..”

“About what?”

“How perfect it is that we have each other..” 

John smiled softly, knowing exactly what he meant. He kissed Alexander’s forehead and went with him to bed when they both began to drift off, holding him close as he laid down. “I love you..”

Tuesday, November 8. Thomas knew it was going to be a day that he’d always remember, but he hoped it was for a different reason. He was spending that night with his parents in the living room, watching the votes from the election getting counted. That night, he’d planned on telling his parents about his boyfriend, about his Alexander. He’d hoped that seeing a woman win the election would help open their minds to such a thing as homosexuality. Sure, the woman wasn’t exactly his first choice, but her opponent was a nightmare waiting to happen, both for the country and for his relationship. But every poll, the growing number of votes on the screen before them, every sign pointed towards that night being in his favor. 

So, of course, Thomas remembered the exact moment that it all went wrong. 

Well, to be specific, he didn’t see the moment the results were announced. He was in the bathroom then, hyping himself up for the big moment. Thomas was deep in the zone when he heard his parents shouting in distress and defeat, something that surprised him. He didn’t expect they’d be so upset over their candidate of choice losing. But it didn’t scare him out of his plans. Alexander meant everything to him and, if that meant getting yelled at because his parents were already upset, then so be it. After all, something like a women winning the election would, theoretically, at least give them some reason to see that their old ways weren’t always right. So, he took a deep breath and marched out to the living room, stopping in his tracks as he noticed something.. Off. 

His parents were cheering. The last thing he expected to see was them cheering over the loss of the candidate they defended with everything they had. So.. As much as every fiber in his body was screaming for him not to, he turned around, feeling his heart drop as he saw who really won. Not his president. 

Thomas’s father clapped his hand against his son’s shoulder. “See, son? I told you the people would come to their senses. Now, what was that news you said you’d tell us when your lying candidate won?” he asked, poking fun at his son’s loss. Not that he knew everything that Thomas was losing. 

“I was just going to say I was right.. I thought the world was evolving.. Guess I was wrong,” he said, hiding a sob through breathy laughter. 

“The world is evolving! They’re finally smart enough to choose someone who knows what he’s doing.” 

Thomas nodded. “Excuse me,” he said hastily before dashing up the stairs and to his room, locking the door behind him. He laid in bed and grabbed a pillow, sobbing into it. As if hiding his sexual preference from the government wasn’t bad enough, now Thomas had to hide Alexander from everyone he knew. All because people couldn’t let a woman hold power. 

And that’s how he ended up at his high school graduation party, sitting by himself at the fifth table of the night. He’d been stuck in an exhausting cycle of getting up, losing himself in the crowd, and sitting back down in any table in any direction the second Alexander found him, but he wasn’t invisible. Hiding like that only kept him down for so long and people were beginning to ask questions. Worse than that, Thomas could see the growing fear and heartbreak in Alexander’s eyes every time he had to watch his boyfriend run away. But what was he supposed to say? 

“Hey, Alexander, I was too scared to tell my parents I’m in a committed gay relationship three years ago, yeah remember when I said I did, and now, they’ve invited a bunch of homophobes to my party.” 

“Hey, remember when I lied about telling my parents about us? Well, now you do and they’d kill me if they found out around their friends.”

No. Lying was just easier. Running was easier. Besides, it wasn’t like he was doing it just for himself. Alexander wanted to study law or even politics, if he was given the chance. He knew Thomas’s parents were in the same area, he knew that they invited all sorts of different lawyers to a party like that, he wanted to meet them. Thomas staying away meant nobody was there to introduce him to the lawyers who so badly wanted them both to be fixed, who’d subject even their own children to the same torment. 

But, at the same time, how was Alexander supposed to know what Thomas was thinking? The two had been dating all throughout high school, but Alexander never once met Thomas’s parents or got invited to any kind of events, including those where Thomas just texted him all night anyways. Thomas said that his parents didn’t like the fact that the two were dating, but did that really mean they couldn’t be seen together for just one night? On Thomas’s big night? 

Yet, as discouraging as it was, Alexander couldn’t stop himself from chasing Thomas around the banquet hall. He couldn’t stop himself from doing everything he could to confront his boyfriend, to get an answer face to face instead of just a quick apology over text about seeing some old friend or avoiding some specific friend of his parents’. 

And Alexander was just as smart as Thomas, but he knew he was more clever in some ways. So, when Thomas disappeared into that crowd once more, Alexander stayed along the edge of the group and walked around calmly, smiling and pretending to socialize as he made his way around. 

As expected, he eventually found Thomas and was able to sneak up behind him without so much as making him glance to his side. It was hard to be so calm. It took everything in his system not to drown out the rest of the party by voicing his own loud opinions, hoping to humiliate Thomas as he’d been humiliated. But he had to. It was the only way he’d get the answer that he deserved. 

Alexander put a calm hand on Thomas’s shoulder and gripped his jacket tightly as he began to get up. “No.. We’re done running,” he said, just loud enough for Thomas to hear him. “Just.. Come walk outside with me.” 

Thomas sighed, knowing that there was no way he’d be able to run again, not with Alexander right there. “Okay..” He lead Alexander out of the hall and out to the front, glad that nobody was there to see them. 

“What’s going on?” Alexander asked, his tone breaking Thomas’s heart. “You’ve been avoiding me all night and you haven’t given me one solid reason why. What are you.. Are you ashamed of me?.. Are you afraid of showing them your immigrant boyfriend?” 

Thomas shook his head. “Alexander, no.. You have to believe me, it’s not like that.” 

“Then what is it?” 

Thomas knew there was no lying or running his way out of this anymore. It wasn’t like Alexander to be so quiet, especially not when something clearly angered him so badly. It wasn’t like Alexander to be rational and think his way through everything. This was Alexander in pain, a version of him that Thomas never wanted to see again. 

“I’m so sorry.. I..” Thomas hesitated for a second. “Do you remember when I said that I told my parents about us?..”

Alexander nodded. “Yeah.. It was the only thing keeping me from breaking down then..” 

“I know.. And that’s why I never told you that I.. I lied.. I couldn’t tell them..” 

Alexander’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “But you said…” he began before trailing off. 

“I know what I said.. I couldn’t tell them.. Not with a Vice President who says he wants to throw us in a conversion camp and with parents who just follow those kinds of ideas like sheep.. I was scared that they’d do that to me, I still am, but I couldn’t tell you.. I didn’t know if you’d understand what that’s like.. George and Martha are so accepting of you being bi.” 

Thomas was scared. It was something he rarely admitted, something he rarely felt, from what Alexander knew. Alexander wanted so badly to be mad, to yell at Thomas about how he should know better or how he should’ve said something sooner, but he could understand. He didn’t tell either of his parents when he was preparing to apply for citizenship - he wasn’t even sure if they knew he wasn’t technically a citizen before - and they only found out after they found him crying over his Certificate of Naturalization the day after. Even Thomas didn’t find out until they called to ask him if he knew. It had been a delicate subject with Alexander since 2016, the same that Thomas’s sexuality was for him. 

“I get it.. I’m sorry, I should’ve thought of that.” 

“No, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to guess what’s wrong with me..” 

Alexander smiled softly and moved to hug his boyfriend, stopping as he saw him tense up. “You owe me a lot of affection later..” 

Thomas chuckled awkwardly. “I’m sorry..” 

“Don’t be. What matters now is we both know. We’re both happy. We have nothing to hide anymore. Not from each other and not from anyone else. But if you don’t feel comfortable showing us off in public yet, I get it. I more than understand.” 

Alexander sighed as he felt himself woke up and shifted across the bed, seeking the boyfriend that brought him the perfect amount of warmth. Instead, he almost found the floor, stopping himself only inches away from the edge of the bed. 

“Wha..?” Alexander asked himself as he opened his eyes, looking around in the early morning darkness. “Thomas?” he called out, getting out of bed. Alexander always woke up first, he made sure of it. But there was no trace of Thomas in that room. So, Alexander straightened out his sweater and pulled at the drawstring of his sweatpants, then headed to the kitchen, finding his missing boyfriend moving around the kitchen, cooking. 

“Thomas, what are you doing?.. You don’t cook.” 

The other jumped at the sudden interruption, then turned around, giving Alexander a sleepy smile. “Hey.. Sorry, I just thought I’d make breakfast for once. You always get up early and cook for me.. Besides, I thought you might appreciate a good breakfast.” 

I knew it, hissed the voice in the back of Alexander’s head, the bully that made him live as he did. He thinks you’re fat. 

“I mean, I knew your new medicine was supposed to make you lose a little weight, but I’m starting to worry..” 

See? Alexander argued back to himself. I’m thin enough, he’s just worried. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to do all this..” 

Thomas shrugged. “It’s nothing, really. Even I can make something as simple as pancakes.” He flipped a few onto a plate and put it on the table, where Alexander always sat. 

He made me pancakes.. I’m allowed to indulge just this once. 

Indulge and say good bye to all the progress you made. 

Either way, he’s going to get suspicious if I don’t eat. Three full meals a day is what most people eat. 

Yeah, people who aren’t trying to lose weight. 

People who don’t lie about the huge breakfast they make themselves. 

Alexander shut out the voice in his head, just for a little bit, and let himself indulge. He put a little bit of syrup - just a little, the pancakes were already sweet enough - on his food, then picked up his fork and cut off a piece. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes before eating it, biting back a moan. He hadn’t tasted so much flavor in who knew how long. 

You wouldn’t be able to enjoy that trash so much if it wasn’t for me. To him, it’s just another breakfast. To you, it’s a cheat meal. 

Cheating. It felt more like a revival. And he knew he’d regret it later on, when that nagging voice took over and drowned out his own thoughts, but this was now. And now, he was enjoying breakfast with his boyfriend. 

Later that day, as Alexander finished up with a shower, he checked his weight. 102 pounds… It was getting low, but that third digit always irked him. He sighed and actually looked at himself in the mirror. His ribs were showing and his stomach was starting to look sunken.. Same with his face. And the lack of color in his skin made him hesitate a bit. Maybe it was time to end his diet.. 

You end this now and you throw away years of progress. Besides, look at your collarbones. People always say that collarbones are sexy. And your jawline is so prominent. 

Alexander shrugged a bit and ran his fingers over those features. He knew he should gain back his weight, there was something in him screaming that it was time to, but that stupid voice was just too loud and too powerful. Besides, what kind of freak would Thomas think he was if he found out that his boyfriend had an eating disorder in addition to his PTSD? 

Of course, Alexander was wrong. Thomas would never think such a thing of him. But Alexander didn’t know that. And Thomas didn’t know Alexander was having such a problem. 

At least, not until the recital. 

Their mutual friends, Lafayette and Hercules, were performing in a ballet recital for their class, a class which the latter suggested, much to the surprise of most people. 

It was actually about a week from the pancake morning. Alexander followed Thomas into the recital hall, drowning in what had once been a well tailored suit while Thomas looked as perfect as always. As perfect as Alexander was aiming to become. He was perfectly fine through the show, but once it ended.. Between standing up as quickly as he had and all of the sudden sound and all of the flashing lights, Alexander became dizzy in a matter of seconds, only Thomas noticing. 

“Honey, are you okay?..” he asked, his voice muffled in Alexander’s ears as the shorter man collapsed. 

One good night. I just wanted one good night with him. And I let this stupid voice in my head ruin it. 

Alexander felt his eyes shut as he blacked out, not having any idea how much time passed before they opened once more. 

What he did know was that he was in a hospital room. It was dim - it must’ve been nighttime - but the beeping machines and the smell of latex made it obvious where he was. Alexander slowly sat up and looked around, biting the inside of his cheek as he saw Thomas laying down in a cot nearby. Thomas shouldn’t have been there, worrying about him. He should’ve been at home, sleeping in their much softer bed, not a care in his mind. 

Alexander hesitated for a second before looking around and buzzing for a nurse, feeling a sense of dread in his stomach as he did. But it wasn’t his. He wanted to change things, to let Thomas be there as he admitted that he needed help and wanted to get better. The problem was that stupid voice in his head. The one that was yelling at him, screaming at him to not do this, to do everything he could to leave that stupid hospital and live his life as he had been. 

It was time to stop listening to that voice. Alexander knew that. So, as difficult as it was, Alexander finally ignored it and looked up at the nurse as she came in, speaking before she had a chance to. 

“I have an eating disorder. That’s what made me pass out.. I want to get better..” 

The words tasted like a sharp knife in his mouth, but he got them out and that was what mattered. The nurse acknowledged what he did and promised he’d be helped and that was what mattered. The next morning, Thomas promised he’d stay at Alexander’s side as he was moved to the rehabilitation facility and that was what mattered. 

Alexander was going to get better. He was going to be okay. 

That was all that mattered.__________________________________

“Hey Peggy, sorry about interrupting your nap,” Eliza began, smiling apologetically. “The library was packed to the brim, so we just all decided to study here today.” 

Peggy nodded, trying to look anywhere but at the new girl, not wanting to be obvious. But, while she may have fooled their guest, Angelica and Eliza were no strangers to Peggy’s behavior. 

“This is Maria, by the way. We saw her sitting alone at lunch and she’s cool, so we invited her over to study. You can join us, if you want,” Angelica offered, walking with the other two to the dining room. 

Peggy immediately jumped to her feet and followed. “Yeah, I have a lot of tests to study for too, I mean, I am going to high school next year, this stuff is really important,” she said, attempting to look as casual as possible, and failing. 

Maria smiled at that. “Oh, that’s right, Eliza said you were just a year below us. I wouldn’t get your hopes up too much, high school is not the dream that everyone says it is.” 

Peggy nodded and took a seat at the table, moving just a little to her right, closer to Maria. “Yeah.. I mean, I know it’s no High School Musical.” 

“Besides, all of the older kids act like none of us have any sense.” 

Angelica laughed at that. “When you’re in high school for your third or fourth year and a bunch of freshmen come in, acting like they’re the shit while not being able to find their own classes, we’re entitled to the right to call a few of you ‘freshies.’ Trust me, when your time comes, you’ll take advantage of it.” 

Maria shrugged. “I guess so.”

“You probably said you’d be nicer to the younger kids when you started middle school,” Eliza pointed out. 

Peggy groaned. “Oh, god, if freshmen are going to be like how those stupid sixth graders are, I’m going to need a lot more than the right to call them ‘freshies’.” 

Angelica shrugged. “It’s all you get, sorry Peg.” 

“Hey, at least you’ll have me and Maria there to help you get away from the freshmen next year,” Eliza pointed out, nudging Maria a bit. 

“Yeah, of course! I’d love it if you would join us at school, at lunch or whenever,” Maria said with a smile that made Peggy’s heart melt into a rainbow puddle. 

“That sounds, like.. Really cool.. Thanks, Maria,” Peggy stammered out. “Um.. Don’t you think that.. Like.. It might make it a little harder to get a boyfriend, sitting with a freshman and her big sister?”

Eliza bit back a laugh at that. 

Maria shook her head. “Any guy who’s ‘too cool’ to sit with me and my friends is too cool for me. Besides, if it does scare off every boy, I can always get a girlfriend.” 

Peggy just about fell out of her chair. “So, you’re bi?”

“Proudly so,” Maria confirmed. 

“Cool, I’m gay,” Peggy proclaimed, hoping that Maria got what she was implying, but also hoping she didn’t think Peggy was being too forward or anything. 

“Cool! Maybe we can both find a girlfriend and go on double dates.” 

Peggy swore she felt her soul leave her body and her sisters both could’ve sworn that they saw it leaking from her eyes. “Yeah, that sounds great.” 

Maria smiled and held back a bit of laughter. “I’m just teasing you.. Once we get to know each other a bit better, I think I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“Wait, really?” Peggy asked sheepishly. “Like.. As a pity date?”

Maria shook her head. “I’m only a year above you. If you’re anywhere as cool as your sisters say you are, I’d love to. Plus, you are adorable.” 

Peggy burst into awkward giggles and shook her hand. “Oh.. No.. Um…”

“I think she’d love to go out with you,” Eliza said, answering for her. 

“Great!” Maria grabbed a scrap of paper and a pencil, writing her number down and handing it to Peggy. “You can text me later, so your sisters can’t pick on you about it.” 

Peggy nodded quickly and took the number. 

John’s hand was shaky as he picked up his phone, but that didn’t matter. He just wanted to talk to his friends. He called Lafayette and tried not to let his sobs overtake his voice. 

“Hello?” Lafayette answered. 

“H.. Hey…” 

“What’s wrong?..” 

John could hear the frown in Lafayette’s voice and knew that he couldn’t just hide it anymore. “Alexander dumped me..”

“What?!” Lafayette screeched. “I’ll be right over!”

“Okay…” Even in his state, John knew that Lafayette was not a force to be argued with. Besides, a little company could only be good, right? 

“Hercules, put some pants on, John needs us!” Lafayette announced as he ran into the living room, struggling to pull on his skinny jeans while moving so much. 

“What’s up?” Hercules asked as he got up to put on some proper pants. 

“Alexander dumped John and he’s clearly devastated. That’s all I know, I’ll be waiting in the car.” The second that he was properly dressed, Lafayette grabbed the keys and went out to the car, Hercules joining him only a minute later. 

“How bad is it?..” Hercules asked, a bit hesitant. John was tough as nails most of the time, but when it came to love, he was hardly much more than a lovesick teenager, and his friends knew it well. 

“I could tell he was crying, but I didn’t get to ask why or what happened… I just want to be there and make sure he’s okay,” Lafayette muttered as he began driving. He was sure that John wasn’t in any serious trouble, but the last time that he had his heart broken, it took almost a year before he would talk to anyone besides his closest friends. Nobody was there to help him heal, but, at the same time, John had never felt so hurt that he needed to talk to anyone. 

It was only a few minutes before they got to John’s house and, when they did, Hercules went to the door and opened it with the key that John had given him. Lafayette had a key once, but John had confiscated it after Lafayette walked in on Alexander and John for the… some time in the double digits. 

“John?” Hercules called out. “Hey, buddy, we’re here.” 

He took a few steps into the house with Lafayette and found John laying across his couch, watching Legally Blonde. 

“John?” Lafayette called softly. 

Their friend looked over at them before turning back to the tv, eyes red and hair a mess. 

“Oh, John..” Lafayette muttered. He walked with Hercules over to the couch, both men sitting on either side of John. “What happened?.. Did he say why he..” 

John sighed and got up. “I’ll show you..” he muttered before leaving. 

As he walked away, Lafayette looked at Hercules with a worried look. “You don’t think he hurt him, did you?..”

“Not if he wants to live,” Hercules stated. “Nobody lays a hand on our friend without paying for it.”

Lafayette nodded. “I know. If he did, I call dibs on kicking his ass.” 

John cleared his throat from the doorway. “This is why..” 

His friends looked back and saw John… holding a cat? And not a pretty one at that.. 

“Alex said he was too scary and that getting a pet was too serious, but..” John paused and let out a small whimper as he walked back to the couch, sitting between his two friends. “He’s been in the shelter as long as I’ve been volunteering there… I found out my boss took care of him when he first got hurt and he’s been from shelter to shelter since.. Five years as a shelter cat.. I couldn’t just leave him..” John held the cat defensively against his chest, careful not to hold it too tight. 

And, honestly, both Lafayette and Hercules could see what Alexander meant by scary, but that was no reason to dump someone. 

“What happened to him?” Lafayette asked, unable to stop the question from leaving his mouth. 

“We don’t know exactly..We just think he got hurt living on the street before someone brought him in..” John didn’t really care. One scratched out eye, a half chewed off ear, and a missing paw, and the cat was still precious to him. “But what was I supposed to do? Just leave him to live and die in a shelter?..”

“Of course not,” Hercules assured. “You loving the cat shouldn’t be a reason for Alexander to just leave you. You deserve so much better than that.”

“Exactly. Besides, it’s just a cat, one that I assume you would’ve cared for alone either way,” Lafayette pointed out. “It’s not like it’s a permanent life bond.” 

“I know..” John muttered. “I just thought he wouldn’t care.. I thought he’d love Daveed..”

Lafayette couldn’t help but crack a smile. “You named your cat after your celebrity crush?”

John tutted a bit. “Maybe..”

Lafayette nodded and carefully pet Daveed’s head. “That is great, but for a cat that cute, you could do better. Daveed Diggs is okay at best.”

John smiled. “You have to get out of my house.”

Hercules nodded. “Sorry, Laf, but Daveed Diggs is hot.”

“I don’t see it,” Lafayette shrugged. 

John rolled his eyes playfully. “I mean, I was going to name him Alexander, but..” His smile faded. “Yeah..”

Hercules smiled sadly. “You know what, I’ll be right back.” He patted John’s back before leaving the room. 

“Did Alexander leave any of his stuff here?..”

John shook his head and sighed. “Unfortunately, no, but I do have a box of pictures and of clothes that I can’t exactly donate.” 

Lafayette smiled. “How would you like to hold a bonfire?”

John rolled his eyes. “I wish, but the last time we held a bonfire, this bitch down the street threatened to call the police.”

Lafayette groaned. “I knew it. Ever since they banned fireworks out here, I knew this neighborhood hated fun. I guess the fireplace works too.”

John nodded. “It’s going to have to.” 

“Alright, I’ve got blankets,” Hercules announced as he came back, blankets piled into his arms. “What’s the word on a bonfire?”

“Some bitch threatened to call the cops, we’re going to have to make the fireplace work.”

Hercules tutted and dropped the blankets on the couch, laying them out on the ground one by one. “Alright, John. Get in.”

John shook his head. “I’m not doing a blanket burrito.”

“Oh, come on! Everyone loves being a blanket burrito!” Hercules protested. “Come on, I’ll even make a separate one for the cat.”

“You’re not touching my cat,” John said, half defensively. 

Lafayette smiled and pulled Daveed from John’s arms, watching as Hercules lifted John up and tossed him onto the blankets, rolling him up. 

“Wait! This is stupid!” John protested, though even he realized it was too late. “When I get out of here, someone’s paying,” he threatened, though he was far from serious. 

“You’ll thank me later,” Hercules assured as he lifted John back up and placed him on the couch. “Isn’t that better?”

John tutted and didn’t answer. If he had, it would’ve either been a lie or the death of his pride. 

Lafayette smiled and put Daveed back in his lap. “I’ll get the fire started. Where’s the box?”

John sighed. “In my room.. Under my bed.”

“Got it.” He got up and quickly got the box before coming back and starting a fire in the fireplace, already using some of the old clothes to help start it. “So, what have we got here?”

John watched as Lafayette pulled a stack of old pictures out of the box. “An album of pictures that I took of us, one on every date we’ve had. Burn it.”

Lafayette gladly threw the pictures into the fire and Hercules took his turn, pulling out a stuffed bear. 

“Alexander got me that for our first Valentine’s Day and took me out to an amusement park all day. We spent our first night together that day and he respected that I wasn’t ready for sex. Super burn it.”

Hercules did just that and the rest of the night went similarly, throwing things into the fireplace until there was nothing left but the box itself. 

John sighed as it was finally emptied, closing his eyes in relief. He wasn’t sure if he would’ve ever been able to do that himself. “You guys are the best..”

Lafayette nodded. “Yes, we know.” He sat back on the couch with John, Hercules sitting on the other side of their friend. “You know what?.. I’m going to set you up with my brother.”

John groaned. “Oh, god, not him. He’s so stuck up and pretentious.”

“Yeah, maybe according to Alexander. Trust me, you’ll like him.”

Even Hercules had to agree. “I say go for it, man. Even if it doesn’t work, it’s healthier than sitting here with just your cat, not that he doesn’t seem to be great company.”

John looked down at said cat, which was now sleeping on his lap. “Alright, fine… But not now. Now, I just want to stay here with you guys.”

“Understood,” Lafayette hummed as he leaned against John and his thick layer of blankets. “Just know that we’ll always be here when you need a friend.”

Hercules nodded in agreement. “Always. We just know how you are when it comes to guys.. We don’t want you to just shut yourself up over an idiot.”

“You guys are right.. I’m so lucky to have friends like you.”

Lafayette smiled. “Yeah, but you earn it by being an awesome person.”

Hercules nodded in agreement. “Exactly. You’re a great guy, John. You deserve a lot better than some guy who’ll leave you over a cat.”

John Laurens groaned softly as he woke up, spending his first few conscious moments since his duel with Charles Lee in a familiar pain. The last thing he remembered was riding General Washington’s horse to the nursing tent... And now, he was hearing the same General’s voice in a harsh whisper not too far, seemingly in an argument. 

An argument with Lafayette, John figured as he heard the French accent amongst their whispering. 

“You need him back! You know how close we are to winning this war, but we need more help! I did all I could to get us French assistance, now you need to admit that we need him.”

“Lafayette, I know, Alexander would make a great general, but-”

“You’ve seen him on the battlefield. I don’t care how childish he may behave off of it, he’s an amazing soldier. And we both know he's not the only soldier who you stress over. Both John Laurens and even myself have done worse than participate in a duel and you've given us little more than a stern talking to.” With both of them having such a low sense of self preservation, what kind of general wouldn’t worry about them? 

Washington sighed. “I don’t want him near Laurens. Something about that boy makes him lose all sense and even you can’t deny that.”

John finally decided to speak up. “Then send me away.” 

Both men looked over, shocked as Laurens sat up and spoke once again. 

“John! You’re okay!” Lafayette cheered, running to his side. “How are you-”

“We can discuss my health later.” He looked up at Washington. “If your only condition for letting Alexander back in the war is a separation between the two of us, send me away. Hell, I was the one who participated in the duel. Alexander merely served as my second. Send me back to South Carolina, if you truly insist on separating us.” 

Washington sighed heavily. “Very well.. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have some letters to write.” 

The first letter, he wrote for Laurens to take with him back to his home state. A letter calling for the delegates of South Carolina to finally allow John to form the black battalion that he’d called for many times before. John was a good soldier and an even better man. He deserved nothing less. 

Second, Washington wrote a letter asking for Hamilton’s return to the battlefield. He let him know how close they were to winning, how he could be the one last grain of rice they needed to tip the scale in their favor. He let Hamilton know how needed his presence was. 

And before he knew it, Alexander was back. 

It was a hot October day as Hamilton rode back into the battlefield. 

Before he went to see the general, though, he looked for his dear Laurens. The first place he checked was his tent, of course. John was usually up and ready even after a gunshot, as many as he’d taken during his time in battle. Hamilton chuckled to himself at the thought. John always was such a stubborn man, too stubborn to leave a battle even when he was shot. Alexander knew it’d be the death of him one day, when Alexander wasn’t around to keep him from getting himself killed. 

Hamilton’s smile fell as he looked inside of what was once their shared tent, finding the belongings of two different soldiers in it. 

Strange... He was sure this was where they’d stayed.. He backed out of the tent before he could get himself into any more trouble, bumping into a broad chest as he did. 

“Alexander! It’s great to see you again, mon ami!” Lafayette cheered as he threw his arm around him. “I’m so glad you agreed to return. We have no chance of winning this war without your brilliant mind.” 

Hamilton chuckled dryly. “Almost as great as your own, I remember you saying.. Where’s John?”

Lafayette’s smile fell. He knew he’d eventually have to break the news, but not so soon.. “He’s not here.. John’s been transferred back to South Carolina.”

“What?!” Alexander demanded, turning to face the Frenchman. “You have to be joking!” 

Lafayette sighed, shaking his head. “I’m afraid I’m not.. General Washington felt you would perform better without him here to distract you. John overheard and insisted that he was transferred, if it meant you could come back to the war..”

“John..” Alexander muttered to himself, looking away from Lafayette. 

“Don’t be so down.. Once the war’s over, you can invite him back. Spend some time with him back home,” Lafayette reassured. “It’ll be okay.” 

The tiniest smile began to spread over Alexander’s face. Lafayette was right... He could spend a night with John where they could share body heat only for the comfort of each other’s presence, rather than to survive the harsh winters. He could admit his love for John and not worry about it being the last. He could introduce John to his soon to be born son and the amazing wife who kept Alexander company when John couldn’t. Maybe it was for the better.. “Where’s the general?”

Lafayette smiled and lead the way. 

It was less than a month later when the two friends said their final goodbyes, as Lafayette went to his home in France and Alexander to his home in New York, the war finally won. 

Alexander wasn’t too focused on that. Not quite yet. He was focused on thinking about what kind of response he would get on his latest letter to John. 

Unfortunately, circumstances forced him to put that aside as soon as he got home. At least they weren’t particularly bad. His law career was flourishing, he was elected to the Continental Congress. It wouldn’t give him the same satisfaction as John’s love, but it sure as hell kept him busy. So busy, in fact, that he’d almost forgotten about the letter when his wife brought it back to the center of his attention. 

“Alexander, there’s a letter for you from South Carolina,” she said softly. 

He smiled widely, but continued to face his work, not wanting his wife to grow envious over such a thing. “It’s from John Laurens.. I’ll read it later.” Later, when he could give it all of his attention. 

“No.. It’s from his father..”

Alexander’s smile wavered. “His father?.. Will you read it to me?” He heard his wife’s footsteps behind him and saw her through his peripheral vision, grabbing a letter opener and opening the envelope, reading from the parchment inside. 

“Alexander..” she muttered after a second. “This doesn’t make sense..”

“What... What does it say?..”

“‘As my son returns to me, I feel I must write this letter to tell you what I know. Thinking him dead upon the arrival of your last letter, I read it myself to figure out an appropriate response, but I soon found that no response would be appropriate to such blasphemy. It took me days to decide what to write and I’ve finally decided on thanking you. John has never been right when it came to love and now that you have made it clear to me that my earlier attempts have failed, I have had time to prepare another way to correct my son. My preacher has opened my eyes to the only way of destroying this piece of the devil from inside of him, so as much as it weighs down my heart, he will be executed upon his arrival home. I also read in your letter how truly you love your own wife, so I congratulate you in finding the correct path and will not speak of the mistakes you’ve made. May God bless you. Henry Laurens.’”

 Alexander was sobbing by the end, unable to stop the cries from shaking his body and wrecking his soul. 

Elizabeth frowned and put her hands on his shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Alexander..” As much as she wanted to question the contents of that letter, question her husband’s loyalty, she knew this wasn’t the time. He was grieving, the sounds of his sobs only interrupted by the sound of a knock over at their front door. 

Elizabeth quietly excused herself and let Alexander grieve on his own as she answered the door, shocked by the man who met her there. 

“Hello, Mrs Hamilton. Is.. Is Alexander home?..”

“Y.. Yes.. Yes, please come in.” She showed the man up to her husband’s office. “Alexander, there’s someone who you must see,” she insisted. 

“Please, Betsey.. I’m already occupied with my work,” he stated, voice void of emotion. 

“Just turn around... Please?..”

Alexander sighed and put his quill down, doing as his wife asked and turning around, his eyes going wide as he did. “No.. It can’t be..”

“I’m here, Alex..” 

Alexander jumped to his feet and threw himself into the arms of John Laurens, sobbing against his chest. “I thought you were dead!” 

John smiled sadly, shedding a few tears of his own, and kissed the top of Alexander’s head. “As soon as my father began speaking about his past efforts to correct me, I ran. I ran out of the house and I ran until he couldn’t find me, then I came here.. But I promise not to overstay my visit,” he remarked, glancing over at Eliza. 

Eliza shook her head. “Nonsense. You are to stay as long as you feel safe and welcome.” It was painful to think that her husband loved anyone else as he claimed to love her, but she was not a cruel woman. The way the two embraced each other, the way they cried over each other, Elizabeth knew she’d have to be a monster to tear them apart. 

Alexander smiled through his tears and released his embrace on John to go and hold his wife. “Eliza.. Please, don’t think this changes how I feel about you. I know it’s unusual, more than unusual, but I love you just as intensely as I do John. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d love the privilege of still calling myself your husband and your love.” 

And, charming as Alexander knew he was, it was impossible for Eliza to stay upset with him. “Thank you.. While this is a side of you that I've never known, I do know you to be trustworthy and passionate and loyal, even if apparently not monogamous. Your love for me has never wavered and I trust you when you say that this won't affect that."