the ordinary days

I slipped on some ice today. It was an awful morning culminating in an annoying incident where I had to get up off the sidewalk and sling my overstuffed bag back onto my shoulder only to continue my trek to school.

I have a knack for dramatizing things until they become life ending annoyances. It wasn't that bad falling on the ice, no one really saw except for a few stragglers and nothing that I dropped got wet so I suppose I was rather lucky - but there's no fun in looking back on things objectively.

I want to vilify my slip on the ice until it becomes the reason that I hated today, the reason that I glowered all day and sneered at most people. I didn't realize this until I was walking home, bitching about volunteering and winter and shitty roads in my head. I was angry at circumstances that couldn't be changed. So sometimes shit happens I realised, sometimes shit happens and there's nothing you can do about that. And instead of blaming incidents for anger and unhappiness I can forget that bad things happened. I can forget that I slipped on the ice and dropped my jacket, and that I went all the way to my volunteering place only to be told that I wasn't needed today. I can be angry about all those things, and hell I'm getting a little angry now that I recap it all.

Or I can forget that. I can open the doors to the school and forget that the sting on my back is from hitting the pavement. And that the tiredness in my feet is from having to take the long way around because of the shitty fields. I can forget that I'm angry about things that don't matter.

And just be calm. I don't need to be happy or optimistic or pleasant or anything, I just need to be calm. Not hovering on the brink of frustration and agony. I just need to be calm.