Every day since I started crashing at David's place, I wake up to the smell of coffee and French toasty toast. The scent of cinnamon and clove is heaven; something about it makes me happy and calm. The odd part is that no matter where I am, the sweet smell of clove and cinnamon hits my senses; My mind is consumed with thoughts of David, and for the past three months, he has been the only thing that plagues my mind. His smile and warmth cause my heart to ache, and I am always nervous around him. Not in the wrong way, but I have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to be touched by him and to have all his attention. I wish to plague his mind with thoughts of me as much as I have of him. Is this love?
"Asena baby, we must go if you want lunch before I leave for work!" With that, Asena jumps out of bed, not without getting tangled in the bed sheets and falling to the ground with a loud thump.
"HELP, I'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP!" Asena shouts as she continues fighting with the sheets tangled around her ankles.
"What a site this is." Asena stops mid-duel with the sheet of doom and pout and glares at her close friend.
They're leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossing over his chest, with an amused smile. Was David, the man of the hour, amusedly smiling at her? She hated that smile because it caused her heart to flip and flop in her chest like a fish out of water.
"Instead of looking at me, you perv, how about you help me out of this thing! I swear it is alive; I can't get it off!! Also, did you make French toast without offering me some because I can smell the cinnamon and clove? If you made some and didn't save me, you suck, your mother sucks, your family sucks, and I now hate you."
"No baby, I didn't make French toast, I did make coffee, and you're probably smelling the creamer I used." David laughed as he walked over to her, squatted, and untangled sheets around her ankles.
As David untangled the sheets from Asena's ankles, she breathed in his scent, which wasn't the usual peppermint scent he wore. It was cinnamon and clove. Her eyes closed, her head fell back against the floor, and she placed her hand over her aching heart, trying to control the overwhelming feelings plaguing her mind. So many emotions hit her simply by this man's scent: happiness, peace, love possibly, excitement, nervousness, and many more that she couldn't label.
"There free as a bird; now let's go before it's too late and you start whining." David chuckled as he stood up and walked out of the room.
"I don't whine! I complain there is a difference!"
Throwing on some jeans and a jacket, Asena raced out of the bedroom, through the living room, and right past David as he grabbed the keys.
"Race you to the elevator!" Asena yelled out as she ran out the front door and towards the elevator.
"That's not a good idea; the elevator has been acting right these past few days."
"I am not walking down five flights of stairs," Asena stated as she held the door to the elevator open.
"Alright, but if we get stuck, you have no one to blame but yourself."
"Blah blah blah blah, just hurry up already, old man," she teased
David shook his head with the same annoying smile and entered the elevator. With the press of a button, the elevator began its descent to the bottom, not without protest. As the elevator descended to the bottom, it began to make a clinking shrieking sound like metal scraping against one another and stopped.
"You gotta be fracking kidding me!"
"I can't believe we're stuck in this thing, and you know how much I hate elevators.
"Yes, baby, I am well aware." David chuckled lightly.
"Don't do thatā" Asena growled.
"Do what?" David asked as he glanced at her.
"Call me baby, and have that stupid pretty boy smile across your face." She pouted.
"Asena, baby, you make me smile even when you're angry; that is not something I can control; normal people call it happiness." he turned towards her with the annoying smile still in place.
"Don't laugh like that; just stand there and be quiet."
"Instead of pouting for an hour, why don't we talk about our previous conversation." She looked at him quizzically.
"The conversation about why you don't want to be in a relationship with me."
"Ah, I never said I didn't want to be with you; if I remember correctly, I stated that I couldn't be with youā¦.or was it can'tā¦either one, but I know it wasn't don't."
"Well, we have an hour before maintenance gets us out of here, so why don't you run it past me again."
"How do you know we only have an hour? Are you psychic now?"
"No, I texted Bill, and he told me it would take him an hour to get here."
"The maintenance guy's name is Bill?"
"Stop trying to change the topic."
"Fine, you want to do this now?"
"Yes, there is no better time than now, plus you can't run off and hide when you get overwhelmed and angry."
"Fine, let's do this then; I can't be with you because I am damaged, David. I am so broken that nothing is left for me to offer something more to someone else when I can't even give myself an ounce of joy. Most people remember at least one positive thing in childhood, and I have nothing. The only memory that plays on repeat is the years I spent locked away in a room so dark that the small amount of light pierced through the door cracks or couldn't reach me. An empty room that smelt like shit and pee because they didn't even bother to give me a room with a toilet. I was too evil in their eyes to have the smallest amount of compassion. Are you following me so far?"
Asena looked at her companion, and the look on his face caused her nonexistent heart to ache. Asena pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes to ease the ache. She hadn't cried in years, let alone could remember how to. Still, with just one look from David, she could feel the sting of tears breakthrough, and her throat ached.
"They tortured me for so long that eventually, I stopped feeling anything; physically and emotionally, I became numb to everything and soon gave myself to madness. With every cut into my flesh, I would laugh hysterically from the pain and cuts. I needed something to make me feel alive again or was it because I wanted them to feel small and insufficient. That no matter the amount of pain they inflicted on me, would make me break."
"I understood that part, Asena baby. I don't understand that you turn and run away from me when you feel happiness and joy."
"BECAUSE I DO NOT DESERVE IT! I am a monster; after everything I've been through and have done, why should I be granted happiness and love? I have done so many unforgivable things in the long years I have walked this earth. I have caused wars, death, and chaosā¦it wasn't until I met you that I realized I regretted everything I've done. You are my lost heart and the light to my ruined and blackened soul."
David clicked his tongue and walked over to Asena; he could see the tears fall from behind her hands. She had talked about her past before. The horrors Asena endured back but always spoke of it like a joke, a form of dark humor. So he pulled her hands away from her eyes and placed them on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat, hoping it would calm her.
"Asena baby, look at me."
"No, I don't want to, if I look at you, I'll see all the pain written across your face, and I can't bear to see that look on you, knowing I am the one who caused it."
David took a deep breath, leaned down, and kissed Asena's left eye, then the right tasted the salty tears that fell from them.
"Baby, you are already crying." His declaration was met with silence; Asena sobbed quietly, clenching his shirt tightly in sorrow. Giving David up for a noble reason was too much for her. All Asena wanted was to keep him because he was the greatest thing to happen in her lifetime. He was her entertainment without causing pain, and she interacted with others without the need to slit their throats and play in their blood.
"You are everything I am living for," David whispered into her hair.
"If you don't listen to anything else I have to say about this matter, listen to this. Being in your life is a blessing because I prayed every night for you. I have not lived as long as you can't even try to compare my pain to yours, but our loneliness and the need to desperately seek out the one person who can be with us without change is the same. I love you and will always love you." he combed his fingers through her hair and gently pulled her head back so her beautiful, weirdly colored blue/silver eyes would look into his. At that moment, he wanted his words and the emotion in his eyes to reach her.
"Every breath, laugh, smile, and touch," he pressed his forehead.
He stared into Asena's eyes, looking for the one emotion his soul sought. "it is a blessing to me; I prayed for you. The happiness that was taken from you stands right before you, and you deserve it as much as I do because I know you also wished for me."
The elevator jolted after David's moving words, signaling that their hour was up. The elevator was fixed, and they only had seconds left before the doors opened to the first floor.
"We have a few seconds left, and we can walk out of here as a couple or as strangers because I know I can't live another second without you, and being your friend isn't enough for me." Asena wrapped her arms around David and hugged him tightly, burying her face into his chest.
"Okay, but can we eat Thai food for our first date?"