mostly posting trash

even if I try I can't see friendship here, what is PTJ thinking

“You here for sex?”

See, if it was someone jumping to this conclusion, you wouldn't hesitate to sling your stiletto at their head. Unless that person was Joongoo, then you'd sling the entire pair. However, it was Jonggun, which you could at least understand how he reached that deduction. It was the reasonable conclusion for him seeing you lounging on his bed, typing away at your phone.

You were there pretty often, almost always under him. The few times you were above was at the expense of his generosity, but position mattered little in terms of control. He could be across the room and somehow held the rein anyway.

That was what you admired about him, but today, it wasn't enough.

“Nope,” you slid from the bed easily, “just delivering some documents, I wanted to see you before I left.”

“For what?”

You lifted your head to see him, his expression was indecipherable underneath the glasses. Suddenly, your resolve vanished. “Nothing important,” you turned back to your phone again, continued with your previous typing.

It was never a good idea to lie to him, he always saw it before the words even left your mouth. A pity, really, to let a man in only for him to use what he saw against you. That will teach you.

“You don't do nothing important.” He strode across the room, approaching you without hurry in his steps but for once, you could see the urgency in his words. “What’s wrong?”

Jonggun stopped in front of you, peering down even with the glasses obstructing his vision. You wondered if he could find the answer on your face.

Because when you looked at yourself in his mirror earlier, you couldn't. “Nothing,” you shrugged and pressed your phone close. “I just wanted to see you.”

This time, his serious expression relaxed, but not without consequence. “Fine then,” he copied your shrug, “if you're already here, then at least stay for a few hours, I've been stressed lately.”

The implication didn't go unnoticed, but you only smiled at him. “Then go to a masseur.”

“I don't want to,” he replied shortly, “you’re right here.”

You had wanted to avoid this when you saw him entering the room, but now you guessed there was no avoiding the inevitable. “We can't.”

“I can, you can't,” he corrected you, “why?”

Honestly, there was no better way to do this, it would only hurt to drag this on in the long run. “Because...” You put your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath your palm, “...you know why.” It was calm.

“Someone else,” he breathed out a mocking laughter.

“Yes,” you fixed his collar, desperately wanting to find something to distract yourself from his gaze. “We need to stop this.”

“That serious then?” He took hold of your hand in his, the action once used to give you a world of calm. “When did it happen?”

“Recently,” you replied, “I thought I should tell you since...”

Jonggun rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. He knew what he was doing, the bastard. “Do you feel guilty?”

“...No,” you replied honestly, “we broke up long ago, what we were doing was only physical.”

He squeezed your hand, the tightness of his hold belonged to someone unwilling to let go. “Yet you had to come here and tell me anyway,” he pointed out.

“You’re right... we slept with other people after we broke up, too,” you smiled sadly, “this was pointless.”

“In my defense, I was thinking about you while fucking them,” he released your hand quickly and dug both into the pockets of his pants, “but I guess you weren't thinking about me.”

You couldn't help but laugh at that, it was strange talking about this. The two of you weren't a couple, there was never a term for what you were after the break up. Yet, the idea of hurting him made you hesitate enough to do something foolish anyway.

“You’re spending too much time around Joongoo,” your released hand pat on his chest again, it was where you once were when things were simpler.

“I would say the same since you're mimicking his impulsivity,” Jonggun snorted, “we should both spend less time with him.”

“But not more with each other,” you sighed in resignation, “at least, not until we go back to being friends again.”

You could see his eyebrow arched behind his glasses. “You got on my bed and then wanted to be friends? Fuck out of here,” his words were brusque, but there was no weight behind them.

If anything, you felt the tiniest trickle of his affection bled through, which was why you couldn't smile honestly when you eventually left. It felt like betrayal somehow, to pick someone else over him, to stick with Jonggun for this long only to see someone else as your endgame.

In the end, it was better for you to be honest. He'd not understand your decision when he learned of the truth, but at least this way, you won't blindside him.

Fraternizing with the one he discarded.

[New message arrived]

Johan: Hey