starry eyed

me? Girl look at you, you are literally stealing the show right now, i’m surprise you don’t have at least five guys trying to get your number right now, yeah this is such at awesome way to spend the valentine’s week, specially little ol me who is single as fuck right now, i’m having a great time, any chance i get to get you to dance on the pole later with me?

i dont think im really on anyones radar in that sense so i can’t say im very surprised, it’ll probably be a while before anyones interested in attempting to hit on me. im starting to think single is the best way to be. i never miss a chance to dance!

i promise i wasn’t. at least consciously. maybe i felt some type of way about it right afterwards but it’s been years. water under the bridge. i don’t think it’s in you to show up somewhere and not be the hottest person in the room. oh, right. um, i’m sorry to hear that. i know you loved him. are you…um…are you doing okay with that? after i cancelled the rest of my tour, i’ve just been taking it easy. everything felt a little overwhelming and i needed a break, from the world really. just been working out, writing music and working on myself, so very much a hermit. you’ve always been a hard worker. your beautiful line is doing really good, right?

im glad to hear that, then. you don’t really seem like the type to hold a grudge, so i guess that’s a good thing for both of us. now you’re making me blush!  i don’t really have a good answer for that, honestly. it feels weird to say that im ok with it, but i’ve accepted it at least. it is what it is, you know? you work hard so im sure the break was very much needed. time away from the world isn’t always a bad thing. sometimes its a blessing. the world loves to see what you’re up to, so the break is probably nice yeah? its doing better than i ever would have expected honestly, im so grateful. 

i promise i won’t side eye you too hard for that, i was raised on football so i do take that quite serious, oh i don’t really have a problem with the lovey doveyness of people, i’ll have Jay with me to distract from any of that but like i say i take football serious.

i was raised moreso on futbol, soccer with my mom and her brazilian heritage. i couldn’t ever really get into american football. oh i wasn’t sure where you were going with it when you mentioned it. i haven’t seen too many people lovey dovey during the superbowl, but what do i know. he’ll be there to watch with you too, so you probably don’t even have to bribe anyone, which is a good thing!

that’s the thing, hails. it’s not your job to do that. your job was to be my wife not my twenty-four hour security blanket. i hope some day that does happen because so far, i’ve only managed to continuously hurt the people i love. i’m sorry for all of it. 

demi: i'm supposed to be hardcore metal dammit

demi: i think this is the first day i haven't cried...

demi: so far..

hails: 'hardcore' only lasts so long ya know! also sort of impossible with a baby, i think

olivia: i found this purse someone had left at the bar last night

olivia: and you know as the decent human being i try to be, my first intention is to open it and try to find some sort of id you know ???

olivia: i kid you not, i open the bag and the only thing in there is garlic and parmesan covered fries — in a chanel bag.. literally all that's in there. and i just know if i got back to my hotel room and found out i was without my bag.. i'd be more upset over the lost fries than the actual chanel bag.

olivia: it was absurd —— but freaking amazing fries.

hails: i've seen videos of that happening on social media! im wondering if it's the newest weird trend, trying to surprise people by leaving a goodie filled purse behind

hails: i completely get wanting to bring snacks, but how disrespectful to the chanel!

i had this long drawn out response to you, but i’ve come to the conclusion that you’re right. you deserve better than to be kept in limbo and the truth is i’m not ready to be a husband. i rushed us into this marriage thinking it would solve all my problems because i thought love would fix me. it didn’t and it was stupid of me to think that it could. not when so much about myself and about what i want is complicated. i’m sorry, hailey. i’m sorry i couldn’t be a better person and that i’ve constantly disappointed you time and time again. i’ll work on filing. you won’t have to lift a finger.