Caution: DELICATE

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

Akasian Peace - Anamia

Atmosphere - Vanity Sick

Angelspit - Skinny Little Bitch

Anorexia Nervosa - Mother Anorexia

Augustana - Coffee and Cigarettes

Batteries - Anorexia Poster Girls

Beach Bunny - Prom Queen

Beartooth - Ignorance Is Bliss

Birdy - Skinny Love

Black Bell - Anorexia

Blind Melon - Skinned

BMTH - Hospital For Souls

Boyinaband - Empty

Broken Social Scene - Anthems For a Seventeen Year Old Girl 

Cex - Stop Eating

Catatonia - Bulimic Beats

Carbon Carousel - Skinny

Cherry Glazerr - Ohio

Craft Spells - Nausea

CRIM3S - Stay Ugly

Daddy Issues - Ugly When I Cry

David Howard - Anorexic

Dead Celebrity Status - Somebody I Once Knew

De-La Wonk - Anorexia

Die Cheerleader Die - Anorexic Nation

Drag - Anorexic

Edith Backlund - Skinny

Eleanor McEvoy - Sophie

Elysiansoul - Dark Descent

Elysiansoul - Decadence and Disorder

Elysiansoul - Dysmorphia

Elysiansoul - Girl Within the Ghost

Elysiansoul - Immune

Elysiansoul - Midnight Run

Elysiansoul - Pull Me Under

Elysiansoul - Sticks and Stones and Bones

Elysiansoul - Sugar & Ice

Elysiansoul - The Smile Underneath

Elysiansoul - The Voice Of Anorexia

Elysiansoul - Waiting To Be Weightless

Emily Wells - Becomes The Color

ETHS - Détruit Moi

ETHS - Bulimiarexia

Evaline - a Protest In Lines Too Thin To Be Read

Fakebestfriend - Anorexia

Fakebestfriend - Skinny

Felicia Goodman - Ana Mia

FFUG - Alcoholic Anorexic

Fiona Apple - Paper Bag

Firewater - Caroline

Fireflight - He Weeps

Florence + the Machine - Hunger

Florence + the Machine - Leave My Body

Flyleaf - I’m So Sick

Foo Fighters - Skin and Bones

Garbage - Bleed Like Me

Gem Club - Spine

Geri Karlstrom - Starving For Attention

Haim- Let Me Go

Hole - Jennifer’s Body

Hole - She Walks On Me

Hole - Skinny Little Bitch

Huntingtons - Annie’s Anorexic

Iron Curtain - Anorexia

Katy Rose - Lemon

K.Flay - Rawks 

Kent - We Need To Eat

Kevin McCollough - Anorexic Beauty Queen

King Adora - Big Isn’t Beautiful

King Adora - Born To Lose

Kitten On The Catwalk - Pro Ana Party Slama

Kutless - Down

L7 - Diet Pill

Lady Gaga - Donatella

Lana Del Rey - Boarding School

Lil’ Bo Weep - Confined

Lil’ Bo Weep - Untitled 

Lisa Loeb - She’s Falling Apart

Los Campesinos! - The Sea is a Good Place to Think of the Future

Lorn - Until There Is No End

Lunachicks - Binge and Purge

Manic Street Preachers - 4st. 7lbs

Manic Street Preachers - Anorexic Rodin

Maria Mena - Cause and Effect

Maria Mena - Eyesore

Maria Mena - Self Fulfilling Prophecy

Marina and The Diamonds - Teen Idle

Melanie Martinez - Mrs. Potato Head

Melanie Martinez - Orange Juice

Melanie Martinez - Sippy Cup

MGMT - She Works Out Too Much

Mi - Weightless

Mickey Avalon - So Rich, So Pretty

MikelWJ - Dear Diary

Mother Mother - Body

Mother Mother - Fat Kids

Mother Mother - I Go Hungry

Mother Mother - Oh Ana

Myah Marie - Starve Bitch, It’s Hollywood

Mystery Jets - Someone Purer

Natalie McCool - Size Zero 

Nausea - Anorexia Nervosa

Nice Flaws - Thinspo

Nicole Dollanganger - Angels Of Porn II

Nicole Dollanganger - Please, Eat

Nicole Dollanganger - Ugly

Nirvana - Anorexorcist

No Frills Twins - Dying To Be Thin

Olivia O’Brien - Empty

One-Eyed Doll - Bulimia

Outcast Youth - Genevieve

Picture me Broken - Skin and Bones

Pompeii - Numbers

Portishead - Biscuit 

Pro - Beautiful 

Pulp - Anorexic Beauty

PurelyDef - Anorexic Queen

Radiohead - Creep 

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Porcelain

R00k - Eat

Rufus Wainright - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

Sadistik - Russian Roulette

Sainthood Reps - Run Like Hell

Sara Lov - My Body Is a Cage

Schoolyard Heroes - Battlestar Anorexia

Silver Chair - Ana’s Song

Skating Polly - Ugly

Sky Flows - Hollow Shell

Sonic Youth - Tunic (Song For Karen)

SPECTRA*paris - Size Zero

Squishy Squid - Anorexia

Stage - Live Happy, Live With Anorexia

Super Chick - Beauty From Pain

Super Chick - Courage

Svavar Knútur - Emotional Anorexic

Tamara Dearing - Bulimia

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Me and Mia

The Blue Violets - Anorexic 

The Blue Violets - Diet

The Dollyrots - Skinny

The Network - Hungry Hungry Models

The Trews - Ana & Mia

Today the Moon, Tomorrow the Sun - Old Monster

Tura Satana - Down

Unaloon - My Roots

Utero Ecuador - Anorexia

Wale - 90210

Where Angels Fall - Thinspiration

X-Fusion - Anorexia Nervosa

And that orange, it made me so happy, As ordinary things often do Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park. This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy. I did all the jobs on my list And enjoyed them and had some time over. I love you. I’m glad I exist.

SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!!

This is my half of “Unhealthy”, an essay comic double header with the lovely and talented Sarah Winifred Searle. She and I both wrote about our personal experiences as overweight ladies with eating disorders, and her story is breathtaking! You can buy a physical copy of the book here: https://topatoco.com/collections/abby-howard/products/ah-unhealthy

For gum chewers: Nobody tells you that you will expel a storm of wind out of nowhere or whenever you drink water.

Nobody tells you that your legs will feel like literal jello if you go past 24hrs.

Nobody tells you that after a certain point you’ll have a constant headache.

Nobody tells you that your stomach will growl loud enough for a whole room of people to hear.

Nobody tells you about the pain in your ribs.

Nobody tells you that you’re going to feel like you’re going vomit the lack of anything in your stomach.

Pink Salt helps headaches and fatigue.

magnesium helps the chest and stomach pains

And potassium helps the dizziness and heart palpitations

If you constantly crave sweets you are potassium deficient.

A B-Complex vitamin is a life saver if you have a busier life style.

One a day- vitamins can help reduce hair loss and brittle nails.

Your body can only absorb about 1 cup of water every 15 minutes. If you constantly chug water you are just going to pee a lot and flush out lingering vitamins that can help keep you healthier longer. Plus you can still end up dehydrated because you will fill your stomach and ultimately absorb less water than if you just drink it casually throughout the day.

If you do strict water fasts, after about 30 hours your body enters “atophagy” which (long term) will help with loose skin and cellulite. It taps out around 60 hours though so doing 2-3 60 hour fasts a week will get you optimum results. Make sure to eat high fat, high protein/ low carb during the re-feed or you will regain what ever you lost. Gum, diet drinks, sugar, artificial sweetener and the like will stop atophagy. Water, bone broth, herbal/green tea and black coffee are the only safe things to consume during an atophagy fast.

Walking and short (10-20 minute) Hiit sessions during a fast is more effective for fat loss than long hard workouts.

Leafy greens (espically spinach, arugula, mustard greens and kale) are very high in calcium, iron, and fiber so eat a tonne especially if you are bulimic.

I have lost 120lbs with the help of my IF/EF groups on Facebook. I have learned so much from these people and my doctor is very pleased with my progress. I started out as dangerously obese and now I’m almost a healthy weight in only 2 years. I have spent countless hours researching nutrition and though I struggle with bulimia (deptression, anxiety and BED paired with obsessive tendencies mixed with diet addiction has lead me down a bad path) I have not had many health issues associated with the disease. I do have extremely sensitive teeth and I’m addicted to laxatives but I dont have thinning hair, skin problems, intestinal issues,brittle nails, my bone density is good and my muscle ratio is healthy.

I know we are all sick but if you can make smart choices you’ll be thin before you’ll be dead. I hope people see this and can at least supplement their bodies as you become your desired aestetic/weight.

Someone on my dash: I reached my goal weight ages ago and I’m still not eating and I’m still anorexic and unhealthy

meanspo is fucked up. it doesn’t matter if they asked for it. you are actively giving someone motivation to deprive themselves of the nutrients and calories they need to survive. you are helping them kill themselves

stop preying on fat people, degrading them and acting like you’re so much better and healthier. they’re happy, let them be. “but they’re unhealthy!1!11 they’re killing themselves!!1!1” so are you. don’t lash out on fat people just because you’re insecure.

IF YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR A BOY, TO BE POPULAR, OR ANYTHING ELSE ALONG THOSE LINES, STOP SAYING YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. maybe you do, i wouldn’t know. but for all the people out there doing it solely for those reasons, you are most likely suffering from disordered eating, not an eating disorder. you are spreading harmful stereotypes about people with eating disorders.

flat stomachs are unrealistic and unattainable. if you are a biological female, they’re even more impossible because you have a uterus as well as other organs.

not everyone is able to get a thigh gap. it all depends on body structure. do not push your body to extra lengths to get one, as it may be physically impossible for you to have a thigh gap

if you think that you will be happy and you’ll be able to eat anything you want when you’re skinny, you’re dead fucking wrong. you will still hate yourself, maybe even more so than you do now. you will never see yourself as skinny enough. eating disorders are diseases. they do not go away at the drop of a hat