juna

"what happened?" you and plenty others around you asked. you had sat with a few of the other wags, all dressed with bayern jerseys repping their partner's last names.

they were confused too, ones hand on your shoulder to console you if something bad happened.

the players on the field around jamal had their hands behind their necks. that was the first sign, until the medics rushed on the field.

then the tears began to fall. oh god, oh god, repeated in your mind.

you covered your mouth with your hands in disbelief.

"is he hurt?" you asked yourself and the girls around you.

"i think so." a reply. "yeah, probably." another reply.

a bunch of voices around you faded away. all you could think of was what would happen to him, if he was okay, if he wasn't hurt badly.

the stadium was in an eerie silence, muffled voices filling the space. still, you couldn't see what happened because of how far you sat, all the bodies covering your line of sight, the stadium screens refusing to show jamal.

a single voice rang out louder than the others. some random fan saying, "he broke his ankle!"

the word spread around the stadium like a plague. the news broke out on social media.

but here you were, jamal's girlfriend, watching this on the sidelines.

when the stretcher came out, the stadium applauded.

they rushed jamal off the pitch, as you rushed wherever they were headed to.

~

security stopped you outside the tunnel.

"i'm with him! jamal musiala."

"sorry, nobody's allowed through."

"i— please." your voice cracked, "he needs—"

one of bayern's staff members hurried over, recognizing you immediately.

"let her through."

not a single second was wasted. everything was moving fast. doctors, physios, coaches. questions rose in german and in english, just meaningless words scattered around.

"jamal." a whisper.

you hurried over, taking his hand instantly as he saw you. he lied on the medical bed, visibly exhausted and seemed distraught.

"i'm here. you're okay."

his breath quickened and his grip tightened. "i thought—" his voice cracked before he could finish speaking.

"don't think about that right now." your other hand ran up and down his arm, trying to soothe him as if it would relax a broken ankle.

"i felt it." his voice was small, another tear escaping him.

"i know." a quiet mumble left your lips.

they ushered him into the ambulance, you following suit. the drive to the hospital felt endless, never letting go of his hand.

~

hours later, the waiting room became something that would be etched in your mind. jamal's family arrived, club officials, a few teammates drifted in and out.

you visited him every second you could. any free time you could spare.

his operation went well, but he would have to have a long rehabilitation.

the word long stuck with you.

because long just didn't mean the healing process. it meant going through the ups and downs of an athlete's brain, ever wondering if he'd be allowed to play like he used to.

like he once was.

and maybe, that was the real injury.

you knew you had to stick with him. when he couldn't get up, when the pain was too much to handle, when his entire demeanor changed. jamal didn't feel the same anymore.

but it wouldn't change the fact that you loved him.

and loving someone means actively choosing them every second of every day, helping them through their lowest parts.

~

the first few weeks were the most difficult, harder than you both expected.

jamal hated asking for help. he didn't want to burden you, yet you insisted. you carried meals to him, helped him settle on the couch, fetched his crutches for him whenever he tried to stubbornly hop across the room.

the cracks didn't appear until much later, around six weeks after surgery.

it was long after midnight, you and jamal finished watching a movie as you turned off the tv.

jamal's gaze was fixed on the window, completely lost in thought. his rehab exercises had been untouched today.

for several moments neither of you spoke.

then his voice filled the dimly lit room, "what if i'm never the same?"

you turned to him.

his words made your brain shift gears.

"what if that's it for me?"

"jamal, what? no it isn't."

"but what if it is?" he looked back at you.

all you saw was the desperation in his eyes. the sweetest boy you ever knew, got all the colours wiped from him.

"what if i lose myself? my skill, my passion, confidence." that's when his eyes started to tear up.

you shook your head. "hey, no. don't think that way."

you couldn't believe this was happening. he couldn't lose himself.

you took a deep breath, bottom lip quivering.

"jamal, baby, look at me."

you gently placed a hand on his cheek.

"you're the strongest person i know. you're going to heal, and you'll be back on the pitch before you know it." you tried to make your voice stable.

all he needed was someone to believe in him, to tell him he'll be okay.

"the physio said you've already made massive improvements. you know bayern's medical staff are amazing." the reassurance almost felt like it went in one ear and out the other.

his reply was full of emotion and truth, "i know, but..."

"i should be there." a pause. "i'm supposed to help the team. instead they all have to play without me." the tears came faster.

you wiped them for him.

"broken bones are like permanent injuries, y/n. i'm never gonna be as good as i was before."

"that doesn't mean your career is over, jamal." you kept your voice steady and calm. because you always were whenever it came to comforting him. "you're gonna come back stronger than ever, okay? because i believe in you. the team believes in you."

the tears streamed down your face.

you took another breath.

"you know what your teammates want?"

he shook his head.

"the want you healthy. they don't care if it takes six months or a year. they want you back not just because of what you can do with a football."

a pause.

"you're jamal freaking musiala. and you are going to do whatever it takes to get back to being whatever part of yourself you're missing. i know you. and you will work so fucking hard like you always do."

a few moments skipped by in silence, it felt like jamal tried to absorb every word you said.

then he nodded.

and cried again.

right into your shoulder. he held you tight, as you silently let a few tears fall too.

he embraced you like he was about to lose you. but he knew he wasn't because you were his oxygen. he needed you just about how much he needed football. you were his fuel.

every fear he'd been trying to hide since that night spilled out.

when he spoke again, his voice was hoarse.

"what if everyone forgets how i play?"

you smiled through your own tears. "jamal." "you've spent your whole life proving who you are. one injury doesn't erase that. you're still the same boy who fell in love with football. the same player who has fun on the pitch. the same teammate everyone believes in. and when you're ready, you'll step onto a pitch again."

"what if i'm scared?" he spoke in a small voice.

you held his hand.

"then you'll be scared. but then you'll take a step anyway, then multiple. you don't have to be fearless, you just have to let people carry you for a little while."

his tears subsided, a few sniffles here and there.

"do you really think that?"

"i know it."

he hugged you tightly again, his head resting on your shoulder. "i don't know what i'd do without you."

"and you'll never find out." a quiet reply from you.

michael also drifted between conversations, occasionally stealing glances your way. he wasn't the loudest in the group. not even close, but somehow you always knew where he was.

now the sun was low, casting everything with a golden hue.

you sat on the edge of the pool, feet kicked lazily beneath the surface, the cool water regulating your body temperature from the earlier heat.

"i still don't understand why you haven't gotten in."

you looked up. michael walked toward you in the pool, his shoulders shimmering from the sun and water. he rested his forearms on the edge of the pool before pushing himself up just enough that he was eye level with you.

"i'm comfortable here," you replied.

he fought back, "you've been saying that since you sat here."

"i have."

he rolled his eyes with a smile that barely reached his lips. the closest thing to teasing he ever did.

"come in the pool, babe." his hands inched towards your thighs, just tracing them gently.

a quiet hum escaped your lips. "hm, no."

without another word, he stood taller in the pool, the water reaching just above his waist.

he stepped closer and closer, just until he was directly between your knees.

your legs instinctively parted just enough to make room for him, your feet still floating in the water behind him.

he looked at you, up and down, checking out his girl before him.

"you could just..."

his hands rested on either side of your thighs, not holding you, just balancing himself against the pool's edge. his thumbs just lightly grazed the skin.

"...slide in."

you raised your eyebrows in slight disbelief on how sensual he made that sound. "is that your only argument?"

"i haven't finished."

"really?"

he leaned forward slightly. "the water's nice." he added.

"mhm." your reply was nothing but inviting.

"you'll cool off."

"i seem fine where i am." you leaned in an inch this time.

"you'll make me less lonely."

you couldn't help smiling. "there are like 12 other people in the pool."

"i don't want them."

the words were so simple but they caught you off guard. michael seemed to realize what he admitted a second later, looking away with a small, embarrassed smile. "i meant-"

"i know what you meant, mikes."

his eyes found yours again. the noise around you seemed to disappear. someone cannonballed into the deep end, drawing cheers from the others, but neither of you looked away.

you lifted your hand to cup his jaw. "you know," you said, "you're not usually this persuasive."

"i'm trying something different." a smirk played on his lips.

"i noticed." a small giggle escaped you.

he gently nudged your knee. "come in."

you sighed dramatically, hand dropping from his face. "i don't know..."

"you're already a bit in."

"but i don't want to get fully in." you slightly whined.

"but why not?" his head tilted slightly as his eyes wandered again. and so did his hands.

a tingle ran through you like an electric shock, the effect he had on you by just a touch was unfathomable. "my hair. i don't want it to get wet."

"i can change that."

you gasped.

"michael, don't."

a grin spread across his face. it wasn't a big one, just enough to wrinkle the corners of his eyes.

"there it is. the smile." you commented.

"what smile?"

"the one you pretend you don't have."

"i smile." he feigned offence.

"you smirk."

"i do smile!" his offence was starting to become no longer sarcastic.

"you definitely smirk."

he chuckled under his breath before reaching up. his fingers brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. the gesture was slow, almost hesitant, as though he was checking if you'd pull away.

you didn't.

"you've got sunscreen on your cheek," he murmured.

"you just made that up," you said with disbelief.

"i did."

you laughed, shaking your head. "god, this boy.."

after a moment he spoke again, "so..."

he tilted his head. "are you coming in?"

you pretended to think about it, looking away. "hmmm.."

he placed his finger beneath your chin, making you face back to him. "are you okay?" soft concern laced in his voice.

"mhm," a hum from you before he placed his lips on yours, a soft kiss.

another one followed after a pause of a moment.

a third kiss followed as he sneakily wrapped his arms around your waist.

"nuh uh." you immediately knew what was up, trying to fight against his arms. "michael, hey, no."

"what?" he asked, pretending to be clueless.

"stop! michael!" after giving up on attempting to pry his hands off, you tightly wrapped your arms around his neck, holding on for dear life.

with one smooth movement, he lifted you enough to steal your balance. you squealed, holding on him tightly as he quickly slipped you into the water.

the splash wasn't nearly as dramatic as you expected. he didn't fully submerge you underwater. thank god.

the water reached above your shoulders, managing to get in your mouth. you sputtered it out. nonetheless, the pool was freezing for a second.

it was so cold, you began shivering. opening your eyes, you were met with the sight of michael laughing and apologizing already.

"i'm sorry."

"no you're not! you planned that." your grip on him loosened, yet his hold around you didn't falter. he could tell you were cold from not adapting to the water yet, so he attempted to warm you up with his hands and body.

"...maybe."

you splashed him in the face. "there! revenge."

he wiped the water from his eyes with one hand, refusing to let go of you. "worth it."

you rolled your eyes and rested your hands on his shoulders.

the pool got more comfortable after a few moments, yet he steadied you without pulling you any closer than you already were. around you, the party carried on as if nothing had happened.

you'd spotted zb1 arrive 10 minutes ago, your eyes found gunwook almost immediately. he always stood out.. tall, smiling, eyes constantly scanning the room like he was looking for someone.

you knew he was looking for you.

but the rules. those damn rules. you two were idols, under strict contracts, strict management. even being seen standing so close would start rumours. and neither of you could afford that.

still, when your hands begun to uncontrollably shake and your ears were ringing, your eyes actively searched for him again.

and there he was. gunwook's eyes met yours from across the room. he froze, just for a second.

then his smile faded. he tilted his head a little which was his subtle way of asking, "are you okay?"

you blinked in response, almost hoping it was enough to answer him. but it wasn't. because in the next moment, gunwook was already quietly moving.

he was smart and subtle, as he greeted someone who passed by and kept his head down when he needed to, and he somehow ended up ducking into the side hallway behind the equipment curtain. almost like he was headed to the bathroom.

there you found him, less than a minute later. you slipped away from your group, the excuse of reapplying your lipgloss. your manager approved of your request.

there gunwook was, leaning casually against the wall in the dim hallway, like he hadn't just bent the rules for you. as soon as he saw you though, his calm demeanour dropped.

"hey," he said softly, stepping forward. "you're okay. you're here with me. tell me how you're feeling."

you shook your head, "i don't know, it's stupid."

"no, it's not."

"i just– everything felt too loud out there. i don't know what's wrong with me lately. i always handle this. i do–"

gunwook didn't let you finish. he reached out his hand then you took it right away, and he gently pulled you into a hug.

"you're okay, you're okay... baby. i'm always gonna be here, don't worry." his soft words only made a tear escape from your eye. he felt you shake against him, and he pulled back to look at you.

"look at me, princess." and you did.

"i didn't want you, or anyone to see me like this." you muttered, your hand lifting to wipe your tears, yet gunwook beat you to it. "i need to look composed in front of the camera, like i belong there."

gunwook's eyes sparkled, and you could see he looked at you with pure love and fondness. "first of all, you do belong there. you're incredible, and you killed your stage. you really looked like a princess, baby. my princess."

"but also," he sucked in a breath. "you don't ever have to hide how you're feeling from me, okay?"

you took in his words that you knew were genuine and could make you feel better no matter what.

he pulled you in for another hug and spoke, "just breathe, baby. you're doing so well. i'm so proud of you."

you stayed like that for a moment. quiet, close, just the two of you.

"i hate that we have to hide," you mumbled.

"i know," he said and pulled away slightly, brushing your hair gently behind your ear. "but it's not forever. and even if no one else sees it... i'm yours. everyday. all the time."

you smiled, just a little.

"even when i cry in a hallway?"

"especially then," he smiled, and pulled something from his pocket.

a piece of paper, with a tiny bear face drawn on it.

you let out a slight laugh, "where did you get this?"

"jiwoong-hyung found a notepad and we kinda scribbled on it. i was gonna keep it for good luck, but... you can have it."

you smiled and took the ripped piece of paper, holding it carefully like it meant something special. because it did.

soon, you'd both have to go back. to the familiar cameras, crowds and smiles.

but for now, gunwook gave you one last warm bear hug and whispered:

you barely had time to speak before he crossed the room and wrapped his arms around you.

his arms slipped around your waist, pulling you close deep with a sigh so deep it made your chest ache. he pressed his face into your neck, nuzzling like a sleepy kitten, breathing you in like home.

you hugged him back, hands glued to his hair, "welcome home."

he made a small noise, a half groan half hum, and tightened his grip on you like he thought you might disappear.

"was it tough?" you asked gently, petting the back of his head.

"i'm touch deprived," he mumbled.

you blinked. "touch deprived?"

"kiss deprived. hug deprived. you deprived."

you giggled. "that serious?"

he pulled back enough just to look at you with those pretty dark eyes. "i haven't had a single kiss in over twelve days. that's like eighty-four years in cat time."

"you're not actually a cat, baby."

"you say that," he muttered, studying your face, his eyes roaming. "but i purr whenever you scratch my hair."

your face flushed immediately.

you scratched his head just to test the waters. sure enough, he melted. eyes fluttering shut, body pressing closer, his entire form softening like warm butter in the sun.

"that's cheating," you whispered.

he peeked his eyes open. "you have no idea what you do to me."

"wonwoo-"

"i had dreams of this. about holding you like this, your smell, your laugh." he leaned in and kissed your cheek, softly. "i missed everything."

you pulled back slightly, just enough to see his face. his eyes were glowing, even though they were a little red from flying.

"you look like you haven't slept," you said,

"i haven't rested," he corrected, "but i will now."

he kissed you then. slowly, like he had all the time in the world. like he was memorizing the shape of your lips all over again. and when you smiled into it, he let out a tiny, content hum, rubbing your noses together like a kitten seeking warmth.

you nearly collapsed from how soft he was being.

"you're seriously like a cat right now," you spoke softly with a small smile, brushing hair off his forehead.

"good. because i'm about to curl up on you and stay there for the next five hours."

you laughed, letting him take your hand and lead you to the couch. the second you sat down, he was already on you. arms wrapped tightly around your waist, head on your chest, legs tucked by your side like he belonged in your lap.

and truthfully, he did.

he purred. literally.

"did you just purr?"

"that's the sound of a man finally at peace," he murmured, eyes closed. "my favourite person. my favourite everything."

you blushed so hard it felt like your face would catch fire. "you're so cheesy today."

"because i'm desperate for you," he whined.

and just like that, your heart fluttered again. you ran your hands through his hair.

he was quiet for a long while after that, but his hands kept moving. tracing circles on your side, his fingers curling under the hem of your shirt like he just needed the contact. at one point, he looked up, eyes glassy with sleep and affection.

"you still love me, right?" he asked softly, voice barely a whisper.

you blinked, caught off guard. "what?"

"i don't know," he said with a nervous smile. 'i just- sometimes i think i'm too quiet. or too clingy. or maybe not enough."

you cupped his face, his black hair falling perfectly and his dark eyes searching yours. "wonwoo,"

"mm?"

"i love you so much it's stupid."

he blinked. once. twice, his eyes flicking to your lips.

and then he kissed you so sweetly it nearly broke you.

no rush. no heat. just lips brushing like whispers. like he was finally full, and still wanted more.

when he pulled away, his voice was soft again. sleepier. warmer.

"don't move," he mumbled. "i'm not done loving you yet."

you smiled, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. "i'm not going anywhere, kitty."

he purred again.