ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

You couldn't stop him from pursuing his career and what he wants to do. So, there you were, alone. You decided to take out the vlog camera that you both shared to document the memories of 2 whole years when you were together. You started rolling.

"i can't say that I miss you, but everytime the feelings get overwhelming, you're there in my mind.. Is this a punishment for my wrongdoings? I'm sorry I pushed you away at times. I didn't mean to. Ha.. remember how we met? That Tuesday when I bumped into you in my favourite cafe. You ordered my favourite drink and sat at the window seat 2 years ago. You couldn't stop staring at me, you were so cute being so shy. That has yet to leave my mind as days passed. But the last time i saw you.. you looked at me, mellow…almost pale. I'm sorry if i wasn't enough. And thank you for everything. It was truly love, but at the wrong timing."

---

yeonjun's pov

"You alright?"

I looked away from the window, realising that I was still at the restaurant with my new dance team members.

"Yeah yeah, sorry, got a lot in my mind right now."

"That's alright man, relax a little! Come, let's drink tonight!"

I really don't want to.

Drinking used to be your favourite thing to do when you have nothing to do with your partner. Sometimes it might lead to a little more, but that's something you share personally with y/n.

Finally, after dreading the whole dinner, some had to be pulled out literally from their seats to get back home, but fortunately for you, they were all settled and the team members urged their team leader to go home; and so you did just that.

Empty. Quiet. Nothing but the sound of your shuffling footsteps to settle down in your new house for the next few years.

What's the point of having a house when I can't call it my home.

Sighing for the nth time, not caring if doing so will make your face get more wrinkles. You decided that maybe unpacking might be helpful to get your mind off of things. From the couch, you reached out for the nearest box, which became the most horrible decisions you have made, aside from breaking up from your most promising partner you ever had in your life.

The box was filled with things that symbolised every memory you shared with them. Pictures from dates you still vividly remember, because you cherish each time you get to meet the love of your life; cute plush toys that you used to win for each other. Rummaging through most of the things, your hand caught the most valuable item out of everything; a small box that held, an actual silver promise ring. You closed it quickly to avoid your tears from staining any part of the precious item, something you didn't get the chance to give before it all ended. You loudly sobbed in your own arms, feeling full of regret and guilt, wishing you didn't had to do that and stayed with them instead.

~

You came across your shared digital camera, that you bought with y/n to record your lives in your own perspective. Sometimes you two edit it and post it on YouTube for memories sake. And for the last time, you pressed the main button and recorded a parting message.

"Y/n, my beautiful lover. my person who shines so bright next to me. my person who was once everything to me. I am.. so sorry. Have you been well? Is Jjunie well? I hope he's eating a lot with you. It's been a few weeks and things still, hasn't changed. My performances are going well but, I can't help but miss you every fucking day.

Walking down the streets alone after burning the midnight oil reminds me of us walking home from classes during our school days, you complaining and ranting about your workload and being thankful about me being there with you. My side feels so cold now. Your hugs are the only thing that can warm me up like the sun on the last day of winter. You used to say I'm your teddy bear everytime. 'You really are my teddy bear. When I'm having a hard time, I can hug you, and you can hug me with your warmest hugs! You better not share it with anyone else!' Trust me y/n, I haven't been. I too have my hardships, but I choose not to tell you, for I worry more about you than anything else, including myself. Your hugs, cuddles, random acts of kindness even as small as giving me pieces of paper you tore from your notebook with words of encouragement on them, all of them gave me hope. If only you knew I still keep everything you gave me. I still order your favourite drink at cafes here, and sit at the window seat like you always loved. I somehow still smell you from some of my shirts. Even my things miss you too.

See this box? This box holds a secret that only I know. I hope one day, when I'm done, when I can finally hug you again once more, I can share the secret with you, and it will be ours. I know I left you abruptly, but please, if im not asking for much, please wait for me. This box and I, will wait for you too. I love you, y/n."

You stopped recording as tears continue to stream down your face.

---

He was right, he has actually taken multiple bullets for your relationship, like he said; getting caught leaving class for reasons that your professor wouldn’t approve because he thinks of his students as if they were still young and naive even though everyone is well of age (seriously, who appoints a class rep in universities these days?). He even skipped his dance club meetings and trainings  just to come down to see you, or accompany you while you wait for your next class to start, no matter if it was just 30 minutes. 

However, at the end of the second semester, the two of you started to become extremely busy. One preparing for a dance competition and one practicing business presentations respectively. Ultimately, an argument just had to rise and break the relationship; over the fact that you two lacked communication and did not trust each other to be in the hands of another in replacement. Could you blame Beomgyu, Yeonjun’s dance partner for always spending time together? Or was it okay for him to point the blame on Soobin, your senior best friend who has been helping big time in preparing for your presentations?

But in truth, he was so agitated and pressured by his competition that he decided to blow smoke on you, blaming you for spending too much time with Soobin and that he was jealous. You were stressed too, and took things too emotionally. It was a typical relationship issue you thought you could talk things through for, but he did not have the same idea. Alas, it was the beginning of your downfall. 

A few weeks after the breakup, he came back, haunting you and your friends like a spirit with unfinished business, begging to be brought back in once more and that he was at fault. The first and second time he begged you, you couldn’t even look into his eyes because you were so disappointed in him and yourself that you just walked away without responding. The third and fourth time he tried approaching you, he brought you letters and flowers that were placed on the usual spot you always sit in the lecture theatre for general studies class, which was once next to your beloved boyfriend (but now, Soobin takes that spot). He stopped doing so after seeing his flowers in the bin right outside the class. 

Those times made you think, he really still loves you, and in truth, you still love him too, no matter how many times you tried denying it, by going to clubs with friends almost every week, and them telling you he isn’t worth it. You couldn't look him in the eye because you were scared of accepting this bittersweet truth. You threw the flowers because you didn't want your mother to be asking if Yeonjun gave you those and then ask a string of questions relating to your relationship and the boy, which makes her sound like she was more curious about your relationship with him than her own daughter’s wellbeing. All in all, you still hope he tries again, but with a better approach and at a better timing. 

The fifth and last time. It was unexpected and accidental. The both of you didn’t watch where you were walking towards, and bumped shoulders hard enough to receive pain from it. After realising it was you who he bumped into, he told his friends to go without him, and you said the same to your own group. The conversation began, and from there it travelled back to the present. 

 is this perhaps the better approach at a better timing? 

Your cigarette stick was slowly becoming shorter, so was his. Silence that was so uncomfortable fell in between the two of you.

“...I see you’re still wearing my hoodie. Does it still smell like me?” 

Ah, right. You forgot about what you were wearing till he mentioned it. The grey oversized hoodie that he loved so much, he decided to give it to you before things got hectic, knowing you will miss him a hell lot when you two got very busy. You have been wearing it out of habit actually, but you didn’t really care because all hope was lost, so it was about time you lost his scent and made it yours. 

“No, it smells like cigarettes now.” 

“Hey, it was my favourite hoodie though! Should I bring back my scent that you love so much-”

“Stop, I don’t want to. I wear it out of habit. And for smoking.” 

Yeonjun slowly retracted back his arms that were almost hugging your figure, wanting to hold you again once more, after the drought of not hugging someone that is as precious and adorable as you. He understood that you needed space, but that sentence did break his heart even more. 

“...I’ll hear you out again once more. Properly. And I'll think about it this time," you mentioned your final choice to listen to his reasonings and explanations behind his never-ending fight to win you back.

In that split second his heart was mended instantly, and his lips stretched into a small smile, happy that the boy had finally gotten a small victory. He turned his whole body to you, and began speaking his truth. 

“I admit I was at fault, the one who started the fight and initiated the break up. I know I messed up, big time. I won’t even blame the dance competition, or Soobin. Just myself. I was stupid enough to make that move out of the blue, especially when you were stressed about your presentations. I am terribly sorry for what I have done, and I promise you that when we have arguments again, I will never, ever do that again. You have been the best I ever had in my life, and I don’t want to be with anyone else, just you. I want to settle down with you and only you! I even thought about how many kids we should have and what kind of house we should-” 

“Woah damn. Slow down? How did an apology get to a proposal?” 

You giggled at his speech that sounded like he was going to get down on one knee to propose to you. He reacted the same as well, but for a different reason, when he saw you finally smiling because of him. 

“Okay okay. Take your time though, I can wait all day for your response.” 

“Really? Okay, I can go back to class and get back to you tonight then?” You joked, trying to get up from your spot while he tried to pull you back down. “Hey no i didn’t mean that!” 

“I’m just joking, jjunie."

His heart fluttered at the mention of the nickname, that was specially made by you. No one else can call him that.

You decided to respond after sighing. 

“Honestly? I feel the same. I too feel incomplete without you. Ever since we broke up, I couldn’t move on, and it felt wrong to do so. It was as if the universe didn’t allow me to. Do I resent you for that? Yes. Are you at fault? Obviously. But one thing I know for sure, that you regret it. From constantly begging me, to sending me letters and flowers, it was stupid, but it kind of reassured me to know that I wasn’t feeling stupid, alone.” 

You looked at him after speaking, and he has been staring at you with glossy eyes, arms wrapped around his knees. You smiled genuinely towards him. 

“My mother still asks about you too, you know? Asking when you are coming back to visit her again,” 

With that sentence, tears fell from his eyes, he didn’t even put in the effort to wipe it off. His smile became crooked as his sobbing became harder. You felt bad, you hate to see your favourite person cry. You gave in, and gave Yeonjun a comforting hug, wrapping your warm arms around him, cooing and patting him like a little child. 

“I’m sorry… I really am.”