FEATURING: Megumi Fushiguro (伏黒恵)
megumi x reader, angst no comfort, reader uses they/them prns, non-sorcerer au, around age 18-19, just plain angst. (sorry)
wordcount: 1,187
SUMMARY: In which, you've been admiring someone named Megumi Fushiguro around the 5th grade until college which turns out to be the present. you see others already resonating with their loved ones but what about you? will you just keep desiring to have a connection with him?
𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 : this is heavily inspired by the song "Can I love ?" which feats. youra, Meego) by cosmic boy! which tells about unrequited love and the desire to connect with them while at the same time being unsure of what your relationship is to someone, and the desires to be happy like others. I advise u listen to it while reading!
in my dream I remember the moment I was standing one step behind you.
You weren't always remembered as a person; you were just an ordinary student, which you deemed to yourself, and you promised that you'd stay like that forever. not until you met the boy named "Fushiguro Megumi."
After the occurrence between you both, accidentally spilling your ice cream on him when you were children and mumbling apologies as quick as you could, he helped you up before even wiping away the sticky texture in his jacket as he left you there staring, not even muttering a single word to you. Fortunately, that was the day you started to look for him wherever you went. Your parents thought it was just a silly crush you had when you were a child, but as the years passed, they started to see that it was actually a serious type of love for you.
You would always see him passing by whenever you went out at exactly 7:40 to go to school, which is around the block. You wait around the window before going outside, almost tripping the way down there, so you could walk at least 5 steps away from his back just to admire the way his face turns when he talks to his friends and the way he just walks quietly. As you began to admire and daydream by walking with him every day,
Your daydream stops when you realize you're already at your destination, the entrance of the school. As you shake your head and go inside, hoping for another better day,.
Why do your faces all say that I'm unhappy
As you sit on the bench beside the soccer field, with your friends giggling and talking about how their crushes or boyfriends are giving butterflies to their stomachs, you, on the other end, just smile and laugh while also realizing how far you are from him—feeling upset and empty, you stood up to get a drink from the vending machine while telling your friends you'll leave for a while.
On the way there, you couldn't help but stop thinking. The feeling of being judged for not being able to achieve the same level of happiness as others is truly terrifying but hurtful at the same time. You were always just admiring him from afar; you doubt he even knows you despite you both being in the same class, and you just wish you'd have a connection or at least a relationship with him, even if it's just friends.
You scoff at yourself and think how pathetic it is to even assume he knows your name whenever you guys are paired together with other people and to think that he's your friend. is just truly pathetic, as you think to yourself.
You weren't just passing by, just brushing past
Even if you keep reminding yourself that you and him have more to their dynamic and relationship than just a fleeting moment, you reflect your hopes of being somewhat of a person to him somehow. The lingering feeling of your beating heart but pain can be felt in another way; you still hold on to that feeling and want to ask him countless questions.
But.. you couldn't. You were uncertain of how he feels about you or even if he notices you when you anonymously give him chocolates without revealing your identity to him. He didn't even know you. So why be stupid and think that he'll like you back? You mutter to yourself as you plop yourself in bed, just staring at the ceiling, waiting for another day to arrive to celebrate the party at school.
You were sitting on the floor quietly while your friends rambled and had fun beside you. You really appreciated them sticking by you even in your hard times, and you thank them for that. The president then calls everyone in the classroom to gather around and sit in a circle to play a game called truth or dare. Countless people have taken their turn playing the game and answering questions, some doing silly things their friends have told them when they chose truth or dare. As you zoned out, not until you heard his voice choosing "truth" as the other people asked him what his type was, you waited eagerly for his answer while your heart was beating as quickly, hoping for an answer that could be related to you.
"Someone with an unshakeable character."
You heard his deep but calm toned voice, your heart slowly stopped beating in a fast rate. You scoff to yourself in your mind as you reminisce about the things you've imaged and did.. the remaining hopes of you which lingers everyday comes to an end. Unshakeable? you doubted that would be you, you were always scared of everything and doubtful towards yourself, maybe he truly didn't know you and your assumptions and doubts were right and won.
You couldn't stop the burning pain in your heart and almost swollen eyes with tears were threatening to fall as you quickly told your friends if you could go home since "your relative needed some help" as you lied to them just to get away. You walked the way home, it wasn't the cliché scene where you get heartbroken and it was raining, in fact no, it wasn't raining at all.. it was just sunny and bright with clouds and the sun almost going away.
I don't know what kind of relationship we had
You slowly admired and got lost in the skies while you walked through the bridge with trees and leaves falling down, cars passing by and bicycles with lovers giggling to each other saying how they're about to fall.. You didn't run whenever you felt upset, you didn't cry at home, no, not at all—you didn't even cry because you felt like you couldn't anymore, you didn't expect much but it still hurts knowing very clear that he doesn't know you are.
You were quiet the way back home, just admiring everything slowly and accepting that you were hurt.. because what could you do about it? he won't reciprocate your feelings toward him and that was fine even if you admired him for years. You felt surprisingly okay with a hint of pain in your heart, small tears fell down while you smiled at the beauty of the blue and pink skies.. Accepting the way you felt was okay and that you won't be able to feel the stage of happiness everyone feels in this world, it was okay, you were okay.
Okay with the feeling of the in denial feeling that you will never feel the happiness that others feel, with their loved ones and crushes; the way their smiles light up in happiness just to see them as they walk together to their destinations.. as you sigh slowly.
As you put on your playlist and chose the song "can i love ?" by cosmic boy, and just giggled realizing how much you relate to the song.. maybe it isn't so bad speaking or feeling the pain and uncertainty that comes with wanting to connect with someone who may not feel the same way.
You always wanted to run and ask him, confess your apparently "dying" love to him as you rant to your friends.. but right now, you just felt like keeping it to yourself.
reblogs are appreciated! thank you for reading.
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