GW2 Drinking Game, 2016 Edition
Two years ago, I wrote down some drinking games to play with my friends while we fart around in Guild Wars 2. It’s been needing an update for a while. IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: this isn’t intended to be a How To Play (or How Not To Play) guide, it’s just a list of things I see in the game that make me, personally, want to take a drink.
Drink once for every Bjorn, Bjornsson, Bjornsdottir, or Bjornkin. Twice, if it isn’t a Norn.
Drink once for every “-raven”, “-wolf”, or “Ravenwolf”. Twice if it isn’t a Norn.
Drink once for every “Iron-,” “Blood-”, “Steel-”, “-blade”, “-claw”, “-maw”, “-paw”, or “-fang”. Twice if it isn’t a Charr.
Drink once for every ranger pet Alpine Wolf or Polar Bear named Blizzard, Snow, or Frost. Twice for every unnamed Juvenile Black Moa, because why wouldn’t you name that.
Drink once for every Skyrim or Dragon Age reference.
Drink once for every fantasy novel series reference. Twice, if it’s NOT Tolkien or Game of Thrones.
Drink once for egregious abuse of accent marks. (Twîlíġħt Spärķlě)
Drink twice for every flagrant misspelling in a character or guild name.
Drink three times for every Our Sanctuary guild member whose character name you report.
Drink once for every legendary greatsword. Twice for any other legendary weapon.
Drink once if someone has Celestial Dye and is super proud of it. Twice if they also have white Deviantart wings.
Drink once if someone has Abyss dye and is super proud of it. Twice if they also have the black Deviantart wings, three times if they have the reaper edgelord hood. Finish the drink if they go by a name like Deathwind Crypthowl.
Drink once for rainbow armor dye.
Drink once for matched armor-and-weapon sets.
Drink once for every shirtless Norn.
Drink once for every pure white Charr.
Drink once for every albino asura. Twice, if they also have an afro.
Drink once for every dark-skinned human with white hair.
Drink once for sylvari mushroom heads. Twice if their name is Cordiceps, Korrddicepps, Kordy Sepps, etc.
First off, drink once if you’re not in Divinity’s Reach or the Black Citadel. Twice, if you’re not in a city.
Drink once for every time someone smiles/nods/sighs “a bit”.
Drink once for every “nods softly”.
Drink once for each couple having an intensely private moment in an extremely public place. Twice if there’s a Darknester [DN] involved.
Drink once for every obvious invitation to ERP. (WARNING: not recommended for players of female human/Norn characters.)
Drink once whenever a group of RPers can’t agree on past or present tense. Twice if someone insists on /saying their poses.
Drink once for every misuse of conditional verb tenses (“[Character] would…”)
Drink once if a character is blind. Twice if they can “somehow see without eyes”.
Drink once if someone actually mentions drowning their sorrows.
Drink once if the same person exceeds the pose/say character limit more than three times. Twice if it’s consecutive.
Drink once for disembodied appendages (“the hand resting on his shoulder”, “the eyes behind her veil”).
Drink once for unnecessary epithets (“the young girl”, “the tall Elonian”).
Drink once for every transliterated accent. Twice if the player achieves total incomprehensibility. (N'v'r g'n p’t thet w'ld on d'wn!)
Drink once for every character that thinks “roleplay” means “telling their entire backstory without any prompting.” Drink twice if it’s a Tragic Backstory™.
SPEAKING OF BACKSTORIES. Drink once for orphans. Drink once for every secret society of assassins. Drink twice for long-lost heirs. Drink twice for amnesia. Finish the drink for relatives of Destiny’s Edge.
Drink once for each gladium-and-proud. Twice, if they’re badmouthing the Legions; three times if they’re in the Serrated Blade.
Drink once for [Nightmare Court/Flame Legion/Svanir] and proud. Twice if they’re in a bar. Three times if absolutely no one’s paying attention.
Drink once for bad medical advice. (WARNING: NOT RECOMMENDED IN UNINSTANCED SALMA DISTRICT.)
Drink if a barfight breaks out.
Drink once if someone calls the Seraph/Lionguard/Peacekeepers. Again, if they actually show up.
Drink once if a group of roleplayers asks why you’re following them. Twice if they do it IC.
HEART OF THORNS MAPCHAT BONUS ROUND
Drink once for “IS THIS MAP ORG? ORG? IS THIS AN ORG MAP? THIS MAP ORG? ORG? ORG? IS IT ORG? ORG?”
Drink once for every “CC”.
Drink once for every “FAIL MAP”.
Drink once for every player having a tantrum at Vinetooth Prime over lack of crowd control/ unacceptable DPS/ n00bs. Drink twice if nobody tried explaining the event’s mechanics beforehand.
Drink once for everyone yelling at Exalted Armor players during Octovine. Twice if they don’t put on some armor themselves and pick up the fucking slack.
Drink once if one lane burns an Octovine early and it resets. Twice if it’s not East. Three times if your map goes ahead and succeeds at the meta-event anyway. Finish your drink and pour another if players are STILL COMPLAINING.
Drink once for every declined squad invitation.
Drink once if someone actually tries to explain the zerg/boss squad mechanics of the blighting towers of Dragon’s Stand before the event starts. Twice if half the zerg runs up the ramp to the boss anyway.
Drink every time you die and have to waypoint back. In fact, add another drink for every time the lane commander wipes and has to waypoint back.
Finish your drink if everyone in Dragon’s Stand gets kicked due to the map population bug.
Drink once for every person selling items in LFG.
Drink once every time you roll your eyes at someone’s character name.
Drink once for every person you report/block. Twice if they’re homophobic, transphobic, or racist. Three times if they get defensive when asked to stop and bleat about free speech, and finish the drink if you get dogpiled for not wanting to see slurs in chat.
Play at home! Tell your friends! Feel free to add your own dungeon, PvP, or WvWvW categories. Or, indeed, anything else.
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