leave me alone

Be firm, be firm be firm have a tender but firm hand.

They won't leave us because we spent time with friends and maintained those friendships. They ask for space we give them space and we don't have a panic attack.

It is okay to spend time with friends and have fun, and it is okay to not call every night, we both will live. If this is a punishment we can take it with grace, poor thing thought we'd be done sooner, we got caught up talking to our friends, it's alright.

i wish he'd never reopened that part of me, i didn't used to be this much of a crybaby. I don't care that it's better for me overall i hate it. i hate that any future significant others now have to either be okay with that or tolerate how fucking annoying and broken i am. Idk maybe he would've preferred if i hadn't cried so much too

we're such a pathetic loser why would anyone actually try to love us.

i am not fucking allowed in your bed and i still just want to be told what to do for you

i devoted years to you i worshipped you and my head was sick and twisted and i believed you were like god, i know it's not healthy but my brain has never been healthy and we both kept comparing you to jesus

i told you years ago i would only leave if you told me to, and then you did.

and i still don't plan on just leaving you with nothing, i want you to be stable before i leave, but i can't stay with people who don't want me near you and prevent me from taking care of you.

i used to share part of the load of your self care and now i'm quite literally not allowed to

My cluster b symptoms are loud. Watching you cling to another man so *immediately* hurt a lot. Less than a year. It took less than a year. I've been trying for so fucking long.

*Everyone* has told me I need to leave, and I *still fucking flounder about it* because you need me and i don't want to go until i know you'll be okay even if it fucking kills me inside

I am *constantly* reminded of my many fuck ups and failures and constantly made to feel like a despicable human being and i want to die! If i've failed you so thoroughly you who i've devoted my fucking life to then just let me die before i ruin more of your life.

and i know you don't like your work either, i'm being ridiculous, it makes my body tense and then i start to dissociate from what i'm trying to do and it upsets me because i don't want to i just want to draw i had ideas in my head and then it just went limp