persistent depressive disorder (PDD) : a lowlying form of depression that is constant for at least 2 months at a time, for at least 2 years in adults, and 1 year in children (see also; high functioning depression)
me: *is having a deeper depression day*
me: yeah. just a little more depressed today than usual
friend: oh. did something happen? did something trigger it?
now this is where I have to try to explain to my friend that no, nothing āhappenedā per se, my brain just decided that it was going to attack itself more than usual today. how can you even start to try to explain that? itās incredibly difficult.
people have an interesting time grasping the concept of āconstantā. theyāll say āoh, but you were happy at this time and place. were you not happy then? were you actually depressed and acting like you were happy?ā
hereās the thing. weāre allowed to have moments where weāre happy, thatās what makes the persistent bit so hard. but that doesnāt mean we arenāt still depressed. it just got pushed to the side a bit for us to enjoy that moment of happiness/joy/excitement, but itāll be back. itāll have itās spotlight, center stage once more.
now, having anxiety on TOP of PDD? fresh hell. because the anxiety doesnāt know what to do with itself when Iām having good moments. it knocks on the back of my brain saying, āhey! you may be happy now, but just know Depression is waiting for you when youāre done!ā so that opens the door juuuust enough for the depression to get its foot in the door and open the floodgates.
please just know, iām trying. iām trying not to be a downer, or pessimistic, or depressing all the damn time. itās hard and itās taking time.
everyone wants to help. you know what you can do?
keep being my friend, and keep being there for me.
you really have no idea how much just a reminder that you love me and are there for me and are still my friend can mean to me.
so to everyone that is still by my side and helping me through this: