just me & you.

I’m glad all you SHEEPLE are finally seeing the light about alleged “human being” Harry Styles. If you examine “Harry”’s birth certificate, you will find that “he” is, in fact, SIX PEOPLE. MANAGEMENT has been foisting them on us for years. Open your eyes. Learn with your brain. The six “HARRYS” are very easy to distinguish once you know what to look for.

HAROLD

The original “Harry Styles.” A harmless idiot. Died in 2012 from eating too many guavas. 

JEBWARD

A glamorous pajama magnate who owns AT LEAST three monogrammed juice carafes. Dictates his Tweets to an assistant. Wears his pants too long so no one will suspect he has somewhere between six and eight toes per foot. 

BART

A simple farmer. Was once bankrupt from buying too many riding mowers. Has several children that he birthed at home, in a bathtub, and named after famous trees of history.

FORTINBRAS

Shy and reclusive. Easily startled. Lives in the mountains, emerges only to climb in and out of cars (his true passion). Wears makeup and wigs to mask fact that he is only eight years old. MANAGEMENT, FREE THIS CHILD.

GARBO

Found in a jungle. Eats eucalyptus leaves. Preys sexually on older men. Speaks English only when fed lines phonetically. 

REPTOID

O’BAGONAGALL

This jaunty 1,000 year old leprechaun was discovered working on a Norwegian whitefish trawler in exchange for a daily allowance of fish skin. You may ask him only ONE question, but as long as you keep a piece of iron in your pocket, he MUST ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.

HELMORG

HELMORG is believed to be a professional THESPIAN but his motives are SINISTER. He graduated from the Royal Academy of the Dramatic Arts with a degree in Complaining and appears to be INVISIBLE ON TRADITIONAL FILM, although his image can still be captured DIGITALLY. A skilled and deadly knife fighter. APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

LORRAINE

LORRAINE is sixty-two years old and just wants to go to her LADIES YOGA class in PEACE. 

DIPPITY

DIPPITY is an innocent LARPer caught up in Modest! Management’s POWERFUL MIND GAMES. He has been told that all the world is an enormous Live Action Role Playing Game, within which he has a “secret mission” to identify himself as “Harry Styles,” an “actor.” In return, he is permitted to pretend to die in the arms of one (1) famous person per day. WE MUST ENLIST TOM HARDY IN THE FIGHT TO FREE DIPPITY.

CORN TOAD

butterflies caught on film by sunflowersue

25K | 8 Chapters

louis + harry | strangers to lovers

“Do you always take photos of strangers?” “Um uh, I just take photos of pretty things”

One sunny spring day in London, Harry takes a film photo of a beautiful stranger in the park. He insists that Harry must send him the photo, and together they fall into a whirlwind romance. Butterflies. So many butterflies.

Olivia Dean in concert

London: PE Teacher tries to impress his husband of 15 years who loves football by yeeting a soft ball out a stadium. Sources say it worked.