semper fidelis

( `/ she swallows quietly, fighting down the urge to say something that might accidentally ruin the entire moment, and in the end, she decides against saying anything, shaking her head slightly ) mm … ( `/ is all she allows herself to really say, worried that she might let something slip and she definitely wants this … last dance, of sorts, with him, even if he’s tipsy and she’s one hundred and ten percent doing this against her better judgement. it’s hard, really hard, but she lets herself close her eyes, lets herself pretend that she’s okay and that they’re okay even though they’re not, letting him hold her like he used to, eyes meeting his and she smiles a little bit, tentative )

he nods, thinking that that was definitely a good idea. he doesn’t mind eating outside after all, and the weather is still nice enough for him to study outside – he would definitely like to make the most of the nice weather too. smiling in his own way of thanking the gryffindor for slowing down his speaking, he nods again, “that sounds good,” he murmurs softly, glancing down at his wrist when the other takes it. 

“let’s go get food then …?” he asks quietly, nodding his head in the direction of the great hall though he’s not even sure if that’s where they’re going to go get food, but it would be better to not stand in one spot for too long in case people thought they were loitering in some way or another. 

“do you have lots of homework to do?” he asks, never worrying about saying anything wrong around the other because he knew that matthew would never make fun of him – perhaps just take a bit of time to correct him, but never in a condescending way and he’s very happy to call the other his best friend.

his expression is fond as caleb acquiesces easily to the decision, smiling at the other male as he lets the other choose where they’ll get food from. “i wonder what they have today?” he wonders curiously, a small smile on his face. “i hope they have roast beef or something... i’ve been craving that lately.” 

small talk is so easy to make when it comes to caleb, the younger seventh year always listening patiently to him no matter what it’s about, and sometimes he feels bad that all he really does is flood caleb’s ears with mindless chatter, but he thinks that the slytherin probably doesn’t really mind. “i know it’s lunch, but i hope they have some kind of meat. something i like.” he grins at the other playfully. 

( `/ he blinks at his best friend, confused as to where these words are coming from and he tilts his head to the side as he considers the words that the gryffindor is spewing at him ) um … yes? ( `/ he’s unsure of where this train of thought is coming from and he catches his best friend with a soft gasp, eyes widening as he steadies himself, confused as to why the other was acting so vulnerable right now, until he speaks and everything starts to make sense ) you … i’m sure you didn’t mean to. ( `/ he sounds apologetic, wanting to help somehow but not knowing what to do so he just allows the other to hug him )

( `/ he honestly has no idea why his friend is insisting on this right now when it’s pretty obvious to everyone else that the gryffindor is most definitely drunk, but he guesses that it’s probably because he’s drunk that he’s denying it and he can’t help but heave a sigh at the other ) um .. thank you. ( `/ he nods, cheeks flushing slightly though whether it’s because he’s embarrassed or because of the cool air outside, no one would ever know, honestly. he’s not even sure if he knows or not, shaking his head slightly and he can’t help but sigh because he thinks he really just wants to go back and sleep ) … yes you are. ( `/ his tone holds no room for argument, though he knows the other probably will argue anyway because he’s drunk ) … why … did you drink so much?

she doesn’t even know how to act in this moment right now, her eyes trained on his fingers looped around her wrist and every instinct of hers is telling her to run and get the hell away from him before her brain caught on and warped the situation into something that it was definitely not. 

no, her brain is screaming at her, at him. no, you’re not allowed to say that and look so earnest and so honest and so truthful, it’s not fair to her, really. there are words sitting on the tip of her tongue that she’s not allowed to say – not now, not ever, never again – and belle has to bite down so she doesn’t accidentally blurt them out. it’s harder than she had thought it would be to talk to him again and she;s just not ready for this. 

/ i shouldn’t, she wants to say to him, i have to go somewhere. but she’s so caught off guard by his appearance before her in general that she just lets him tug her off, numbly following behind him as he heads off somewhere. 

well, there were worse ways to go.

his expression is so full of painful hope and his fingers are loosely gripping her wrist, all agonizing thoughts and wishes that perhaps things can still be okay between them. it’s unlikely, of course, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t try to hope, at the very least. there’s always hope, especially when he knows that she still cares. when she doesn’t protest as he tries to lead her towards a quieter area, he takes that as acquiescence, leading her into a classroom and closing the door behind them. 

“belle,” he starts with a note of hesitation in his voice and he looks twisted, torn apart at the seams, his expression just as broken as he feels inside. there’s something he’s missed so much about having someone this close to him, someone he’d loved so dearly for so long, and he exhales softly. “belle, please -- you... we haven’t talked at all,” his voice is pleading, uncertain. 

he misses the sound of her voice and the tinkling of her laughter. sometimes, he looks at her and he wonders exactly why and how he’d fallen out of love with someone as wonderful as she is. he wishes, really, he wishes that he could have kept loving her.

( `/ she almost wishes she could hold herself back, to not use his drunkeness as a way to go back to the past, to pretend nothing had gone down between them and that she had tried, and failed spectacularly, to get over him ) ah … ( `/ her cheeks color at the sincere compliment – she knows it’s sincere, his eyes too serious when he had said it and it was a thing that she had loved about him … still loves about him, and hates herself almost too much for it. she shouldn’t be thinking about this, honestly ) thank you. ( `/ she decides to just accept this, thinking that maybe if she allowed herself this, she would finally be able to get over him. maybe ) um .. ( `/ she has to pause, cheeks flushing ever so slightly at the way her heart lurched in her chest and she has to swallow a few times before she can speak again, forcing a smile on her lips, pretending she was okay was a favorite past time of hers now ) yes, i would love to dance.

( `/ he raises an eyebrow at his friend, his expression very firmly disbelieving of what the other was saying and he makes a soft sound under his breath, tugging the other by the arm outside and he just sighs softly ) you’re drunk, shikkie. ( `/ he says softly, his stutter not appearing as much as it usually did when he tried to speak english without thinking through it thoroughly ahead of time, not even really hesitating – the nickname comes out by accident though, a result from the beginning of their friendship during their first year at hogwarts ) yes … you told me that when you saw me .. ( `/ he sighs softly, the fresh air nice even on his face and he’s nowhere near as drunk as the gryffindor he’s with, tugging the other down to sit with him on the steps, the cool, gentle breeze outside a nice contrast to the air inside ) you’re drunk. ( `/ he repeats himself, scrunching up his nose ) you stink. 

( `/ she had been hoping to avoid him at least for the entirety of the ball but she has a bit of alcohol in her too – the so-called liquid courage – and it helps her keep her composure when he smiles her favorite smile. it’s not longer hers though and that sends a pang through her heart but it’s easy to will away and push into the back of her brain when there’s music pounding through the soles of the heels she’s wearing and into her brain ) matt. ( `/ she greets back, thinking that she’ll pretend everything is okay just for now and she’ll deal with everything else later ) you … look really handsome. ( `/ she smiles just a bit, reaching up to tweak his tie slightly, gently )

( written to the name of @grymatthew ) 

( `/ he’s debating if he should leave now, but he knows out of courtesy that he should check on the person that he had come with to see if he was okay – the person, as in, his dumb best friend that most definitely had more than what was probably safe of the spiked punch. he gingerly puts his little champagne glass down, having only taken a few sips before deeming it rancid and glancing around for the gryffindor ) matt .. where are you .. ( `/ he mumbles to himself under his breath, scrunching up his nose slightly as he shoves his way through dancing students, wanting to find a vantage point of sorts to perhaps find matt, but, thank god, he actually just runs into the other during his hunt ) hey! ( `/ he greets, his word cutting off as he sees the other’s face clearly ) … are you drunk?

* say you won’t let go w. @grymatthew 

( `/ she’s not really thinking straight – the punch was definitely more than just “spiked” like she had thought originally, perhaps she’s bordering on tipsy already, more than she ever is when she allows herself to drink – clinging onto the glass between her fingers, cheeks slightly flushed but she’s aware enough of her surroundings. but that’s not a good thing when there’s a familiar person before her, and despite their earlier conversations about mending heir relationship, belle’s not too sure how well that’s going to go when her heart speeds up just at the sight of his face )

he can’t help the smile that spreads on his lips when his best friend agrees to go eat with him – it was’t like he had expected anything different when he had voiced the question, but it’s nice to know that the gryffindor appreciates his company as much as caleb appreciates his. “just the great hall …?” his english is still a bit slow, his brain still adjusting to thinking solely in english again after the summer at home with his grandmother. “unless you want to get food and go outside?” 

that leads almost perfectly into his second question and he tugs gently at the older male’s robes, just at the sleeve with his hand and he smiles sheepishly afterwards. “it’s nice out … should i study outside today?” he asks softly, chewing on his lip and he’s unsure of why these questions come so easily when they’re directed towards wonshik, compared to asking his own roommates about it. 

it’s just nice to have a best friend, when his first few weeks in england had been horrible and could’ve tainted his memories in a bad way. they’ve been improved immensely because of that first day at the station and he’s infinitely grateful to both wonshik and his mother for having been so accommodating and nice to the lost little boy on the platform that day. he’s sure things would’ve turned out very differently had he not been so lucky to run into them.

“i wouldn’t mind going outside,” he comments with a smile, his expression softening slightly. his voice is soft and his words come more slowly, as they always do when it comes to caleb. “what do you feel like eating? i think i’m just hungry in general -- anything would be good at this point.” he’s never been particularly picky about food in general, enjoying it far too much to leave pieces out. 

“we could get food, go outside, and you can study there?” he offers with a smile, his hand reaching up to hold onto caleb’s wrist gently. his best friend has always had a bit of an unsure, frail air around him, and it’s something that makes matt want to protect the slytherin. it always has been. 

she’s glancing around, trying to find what her escape route today is going to be and her fingers are crossed, hoping to merlin and every deity out there that she wasn’t going to run into the gryffindor today. but, the heavens didn’t seem to be on her side today, considering that it’s no time at all after she had ducked out of his path that she hears his footsteps behind her and a warm – and all too familiar – hand wrap around her wrist. 

no, no, no, no. this was not good. 

making an effort to tug her hand free, belle whirls around to glance at him before she glances away. a familiar pang tugs at her heart and she suddenly has to blink back tears, swallowing quietly. ignoring that quite seriously, belle glances up to him and she meets his eyes for the first time in a few months. 

it hurts more than she would like to admit, glancing up to him and trying not to think about how he had been her whole world for a good, blissful part of her life and now he just … wasn’t. 

“what do you want from me?”

it’s almost painful to see the look in her eyes as he looks down at her, their eyes meeting for the first time in months, and his heart clenches painfully. “belle,” he whispers softly and he holds her wrist gently in the circle of his fingers. “i... i haven’t seen you in so long.” he falters, not really knowing what he wants to say anymore. he just wants her to look at him without that hurt shining in her eyes -- it’s been almost a year since they’d broken up, and he hates the fact that he’d shattered her somehow in such a way that she still can’t look at him in the eyes. 

“i just... i just want to talk to you. it’s been so long, and we were friends before everything, and... i... i miss you,” he admits with a short little stammer, his eyes fixing on her face. he hopes that they can fix the broken friendship between them, even if they’ll never be able to make each other happy in the way that she wants him to. 

The use of her nickname immediately narrowed the possibility of an unpleasant encounter. It was too familiar, a name that not even some of her close friends would call her. As her caramel eyes flickered up to the figure seated next to her, the previously furrowed brows and deep-set frown lifted slightly, and the smallest of smiles bloomed across her lips. “Hi.” She said shortly, her small voice shaking lightly as she scrutinized the boy from under her lashes. “Are you asking me because you don’t know or …” 

She trailed off, eyes falling back to her lap as the pain came seeping back into her heart. If Rose was anyone else – like Lisa perhaps, or Camille – she would be able to hold her head up high, bracing the rumour like it was nothing at all. But she’s Rose, and it seemed like all the courage and confidence in the family went to her older sister. 

“It’s the Snitcher article.” The young Ravenclaw said lamely, the name leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. 

his expression softens slightly, and he doesn’t answer the question of whether he knows what’s bothering her or not. rather, he waits silently, knowing that letting the silence stretch on will allow her to say everything that’s bothering her, instead of just the leading questions he might be able to ask. 

“the snitcher article?” he asks quietly, and he’s heard vague whispers of the rumors that have been floating around, but ever since he’d started seriously studying for his newts, his awareness of what’s going on in the world around him have faded significantly. he’d dropped quidditch, even, just to study for his newts.