𝕰𝖈𝖑𝖎𝖕𝖘𝖊

Vampires be like

vs edward: my house is ¼ windows and i’m waiting til marriage (and beyond)

one of my favorite parts of breaking dawn is when jacob loses it after bella tells him she and edward are gonna fuck while she’s still human because jacob is basically screaming “NO!! HE’S GOING TO DICK YOU TO DEATH!!! THAT’S FUCKED UP!!! BELLA HIS PENIS IS TOO STRONG IT’S GOING TO KILL YOU!!! ARE YOU REALLY WILLING TO DIE FOR SOME FUCKING DICK???? OH MY GOD”

Bella Swan discovered the existence of vampires and then went to school the following Monday like it was nbd

I really hate her asgsjahsak lmao at the end of new moon after just seeing this hidden castle (!) underneath a whole ass city (!!!) where vampire royalty (!!!!!) plus their vampire ARMY (!!!) eat like 100+ innocent tourists (!!!!!!!!!!) she’s just like, “and I missed my calculus test so might be going to community college lol :/” girl what!

twilight is the ex gf that i drunk dial at 2 in the morning

yeah the us has a 2 party system its called team edward vs team jacob

i’m eating eggs for breakfast and i had to stop to say what an absolute fucking idiot edward is. like just a complete moron. he’s feeding his small human wife five dozen eggs like a disney character on their honeymoon & it never occurs to him that maybe something is up?? and if bella is menstruating regularly he’s been around to track maybe 12 periods but this fucking knucklehead who analyzes every little thing she does from the number of her heartbeats to her farts doesn’t notice she missed her period?? and the two of them put their brains together and explained her symptoms like oh it must be the island??? 100 years of education and what does he have to show for it

being vaccinated does NOT mean you can play baseball in a large empty field with a bunch of vampires during a thunderstorm just because it’s the american past time

carlisle truly joined the volturi for the sheer DRAMA of it all. they were simply a convenient excuse for him to dress like That Bitch. lets be real.