here we go again

I rlly want to cut my arms but i have to wear short sleeves and no bracelets at my job so my thighs are trashed and its not satisfying anymore

My body is covered in scars. Too many to count. If I did it would be at least 1,000. So when I first relapsed a couple months ago after a year without cutting, I didn't think about the number in the moment, only after it was done and as I counted, I thought "what's 8 more?" Then a few weeks later it became "what's 15 more?" Two weeks ago I thought "what's 27 more?" Last night I didn't think about the number or the location of how easy they would be to hide. I just counted 47 new ones. I hate every one of them. But the desire, it's all I can think about.

I stopped being so strict with carbs so I'm not in ketosis and haven't been in prob 2 or 3 weeks and my scale broke so I have no idea how much I've gained but its definitely visible. Ughhhhh I hate myself.