Denise Litchfield

14 years in a cult

First off, let me say everything you’ve ever read about Scientology is true – except maybe where Tom Cruise can fly. He can’t fly. Neither can that ashtray you yell at for three hours on the $1500 Scientology basic course.

As a confused 17 year old, Scientology saved my skin. It could have been Jesus, Children of God or the Great Pumpkin, but in 1977, it was the dead eyed guys in black and white…

I was a snotty kid

If I read one more psychic’s life story where they popped out of the womb all shiny and ready to read, I’ll scream.

Not me. I was too busy feeling overwhelmed by the hugeness of the world to enjoy being psychic – whatever that meant.

I was a snotty kid – Dad tracked me by my trail of tissues.

The singing ladies visited to take me up with silvery voiced songs.

The plant pixies played with me in…

Does being psychic make you fat?

Think of the standard psychic. Go ahead. Close your eyes and imagine her. I bet she’s generously proportioned. So does that mean being psychic makes you fat?

If my inner six year old had her way – yes.

She pops out when everything gets too much. When the day collapses into a three ring shit show.

Luckily I’m too busy channeling my inner everything else for her to get much air time but when she…

Why our loved ones return

  Have you ever wanted to return and fix something in the past? To jump into a DeLorean like Michael J Fox and hug someone before they were gone forever?

One of the great things about being dead is the beautiful 20/20 hindsight you get. Suddenly life’s mysteries become easier to understand. Just as we sometimes lie awake going over every sacrifice and sabotage in life, so do they. Except they can

10 things I hate about psychics

  My brother has a new housemate. She’s psychic. She can’t take out the garbage because she was attacked by hoarde of hungry rats in a past life.

Come to think of it, I was sucked up by a tornado 4,000 years ago which is why I hate vacuuming. And the pain in my tummy is certainly because I was a Samurai Swordsman who did that gory thing with knives. Nothing at all to do with blue cheese with…