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A friend and I were out with our kids when another family’s two-year-old came up. She began hugging my friend’s 18-month-old, following her around and smiling at her. My friend’s little girl looked like she wasn’t so sure she liked this, and at that moment the other little girl’s mom came up and got down on her little girl’s level to talk to her.
“Honey, can you listen to me for a moment? I’m glad you’ve found a new friend, but you need to make sure to look at her face to see if she likes it when you hug her. And if she doesn’t like it, you need to give her space. Okay?”
Two years old, and already her mother was teaching her about consent.
My daughter Sally likes to color on herself with markers. I tell her it’s her body, so it’s her choice. Sometimes she writes her name, sometimes she draws flowers or patterns. The other day I heard her talking to her brother, a marker in her hand.
“Bobby, do you mind if I color on your leg?”
Bobby smiled and moved himself closer to his sister. She began drawing a pattern on his leg with a marker while he watched, fascinated. Later, she began coloring on the sole of his foot. After each stoke, he pulled his foot back, laughing. I looked over to see what was causing the commotion, and Sally turned to me.
“He doesn’t mind if I do this,” she explained, “he is only moving his foot because it tickles. He thinks its funny.” And she was right. Already Bobby had extended his foot to her again, smiling as he did so.
What I find really fascinating about these two anecdotes is that they both deal with the consent of children not yet old enough to communicate verbally. In both stories, the older child must read the consent of the younger child through nonverbal cues. And even then, consent is not this ambiguous thing that is difficult to understand.
Teaching consent is ongoing, but it starts when children are very young. It involves both teaching children to pay attention to and respect others’ consent (or lack thereof) and teaching children that they should expect their own bodies and their own space to be respected—even by their parents and other relatives.
And if children of two or four can be expected to read the nonverbal cues and expressions of children not yet old enough to talk in order to assess whether there is consent, what excuse do full grown adults have?
Not only that, but one of the reasons many child victims of sexual abuse don’t reach out is that they don’t have the understanding or words for what is happening to them, and why it isn’t okay. Teaching kids about consent helps them build better relationships and gives them the tools to seek help if they or a friend need our protection.
Love. Whenever Leila gets asked for a kiss, if she shakes her head no, I say okay, not now then. And usually later on she’ll be the one to initiate a kiss. When my parents ask for one and she shakes her head no, they usually still try to get one/give her one, and I tell them that she said no and doesn’t want one.
I don’t think people realize that even very young children know what they want/feel comfortable with, so most people just brush it off as if it doesn’t matter. And that makes me sad.
While still pregnant with the twins, i had stopped by my son’s preschool to pick him up early. There were a bunch of kids at the door and one of them touched my belly without asking. The teacher immediately jumped in and corrected him. she explained that he didn’t ask and that you always ask before you touch someone. I was very happy that my son had her as a teacher.
i try and tell my husband that when my son says “no!” while tickling or kissing then he needs to stop. that it isn’t funny. that he is teaching him that it is ok to not listen when someone says stop.
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My favorite thing about Forget-Me-Nots is that they change color depending on the acidity of the soil so you can get pink or purple ones growing right next to the blue ones.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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