I was going through this blog and it's really scary and alarming how unstable and how removed I was from reality. I'm grateful I'm in a better place now. And hope that next time I'm in that deep of a hole I have some solid coping skills or an outlet of some sort.

I had my meds switched up, I'm on sertraline 150mg and adderall 25mg ( both legally prescribed by a professional) and I'm back in college part time now. I actually took a psychology course and it was fun and very beneficial, it gave me things to talk about and ask my therapist and psychiatrist. I also walk dogs part time.

I feel like a mix of switching my meds and keeping myself busy is what helped my depression and bpd behavioral/mental issues. I still have episodes of being very unstable and being very 'clingy' to people but it's a little more manageable, instead of sitting in bed crying all day upset that they didnt text me and being certain that they hate me-- I'm distracted because I'm studying, or because I'm on a dog walk, or doing homework--ect. Also it results in them not being my only source of happiness so I dont end up hyper focusing on them. I have other sources of happiness and personal goals I work on. Which is also positive.

I havent hit or cut myself in about 4 months, and I dont drink nearly as often as I used too. And when I do, it's a responsible amount and I'm not trashed or blacked out. I also wait the recommended time in between my dose of adderall and drinking.