Shadows And Light.

How do we let go of someone we had an entire past with. And a promise. Of togetherness. Of compassion. For the rest of our lives. Is it thiss easy to forget? Is this the reality of this place? Where we love like its our last. Where we put hopes. And really wild hopes.

Am i really this much worthless to him? Doesnt he get to know when im hurt. Doesnt he feel my pain like i feel his.

I left him for Him. And I left Him for him.

I dont know why i keep thinking of him. When i know he’s no more mine. When i know we cant be together again. Yet i still remind myself. Of the promises he made. Of the way he used to hold my hands, with my fingers melting between his. Of the way he looked at me when time just stopped for me. Of the way he would take my breath away with his crooked smiles. Of the times he used to thank me for making his day. Of the times he used to admire me with a pure heart. Of his sincerity. His honesty. His being so true.

Perhaps i’ll never have to ask myself if i love him. Thats always so clear. Yes we’re so close. Yet so far. We look into our eyes. Yet we look beyond them. To their farther sides. I know him. I always know him so well. Yet he turns out to be this new person every single time.

I dont really know. I hadnt planned things this way. I’ve always feared gumrahi after hadayat. Its such a misery. When all your striving doesnt pay you back.

He listens to me.

Why does he say that he never hurts me. He just never can.

Maybe he knows how vulnerable I am. And that its really hard for me. To keep the count when he’s away. I would die suffocating.