Feed your head.

I spend a lot of time contemplating, psychoanalyzing, and trying to make sense of human behaviour, especially in regards to societal relations.

I don’t think there’s anything inherently immoral about pornography. There. I said it. Hear me out though. Anti sex work feminists who insist that the women in porn are slave to patriarchy is both abhorrently dehumanizing and simply untrue. We’ve been engaging in such acts for centuries, just without it being documented and monetized.

Yes. There is absolutely exploitation and abuse and human traficking within the industry. There is completely disgusting and ILLEGAL, non-consensual material of abuse that gets distributed, bought and sold. This is a major major issue that needs serious structural reframing as an industry, or more specifically, the sites that host free pornography.

On the other end, face it. Women enjoy sex as much as men, if not more. I’ve seen a lot of pornography, and while I refrain from watching it unless I really need to rub one out alone and my imagination isn’t doing it, I genuinely enjoy watching women genuinely enjoy getting fucked. Even more so and especially if it’s obvious everyone is enjoying themselves, by two or more men.

It’s dehumanizing to try and victimize sex workers who enjoy what they do and are empowered by it, especially because it’s completely natural to want and desire sex, or to enjoy it more than most. Even make a living off it.

If people want to make progress in the corners of our societies and psyches that need healing, we need to stop approaching it from a black or white place and focus on the gray area, on nuance.

On a more personal note and in regards to psychosexuality. I USED to be sexually dominant, with the very few male sexual partners I’ve had. I realize it was because my love for them made me feel powerless, and they often used the fact I loved them more than they loved me, against me, to manipulate me because they had their own unaddressed emotional problems and fears.

Now that I am with someone who outside of the bedroom makes me feel absolutely safe, secure, respected and cherished. Who is an absolute king who treats me like royalty and is otherwise an angel, I am more than happy to let him be a complete devil in the bedroom and submit to him. Nothing about it feels dehumanizing or degrading. He’s dominant, but doesn’t do anything without my encouragement or knowing I am enjoying what he’s doing. The idea of me not liking something he does makes him feel horrified and sick. Always keeping the communication and consent going. Unfortunately some men who are “dominant” really are just sexual predators who abuse their power and enjoy hurting women. As for me and Dan, I just like being a pillow princess and letting him do all the work. A little kinky, a little rough. Y’know, butt stuff, ropes sometimes.. Hand around my throat spit in my mouth daddy kind of thing... Never violent. Things I never knew I would be into or really really enjoy or insatiably crave... BeCAUSE I’m made to feel safe and secure in my relationship and my partner is temperamentally very sweet, very gentle, soft spoken, patient, tender...

TLDR, stop telling women who enjoy getting fucked or are comfortable or have preference to sexually submitting to their male partners that they’re brainwashed and complicit in their own oppression. It’s true the sexual liberation movement has harmed all genders and many people misuse the liberties and power it offers, however I digress with my statement about nuance. There are plenty of really good men out there (sadly not enough) who genuinely respect women, who are gentle and caring and take joy and pride in putting our pleasure first. Who don’t use our sexuality to manipulate or exploit us, who treat us like human beings and are mentally and emotionally evolved enough to not treat our most primal biological imperative as anything less than divine. This last bit pertains far less to pornography than it does to psychosexual dynamics... but yeah. I really wanted to get this out of my system. Be critical of these things, but be respectful and empathetic to other people’s life choices.