i am not a martyr, i'm a problem

                                                                                      I am not a woman, I’m a G o d                                                        I am not a m a r t y r, I’m a problem

                      indie multimuse rp blog multimuse, multiship, multiverse est dec 2021

                 tim was well aware that he was a pawn, but at the very least he was a pawn of use in the eyes of waller and the us government, unlike wyatt here and the rest of the so called suicide squad. it was quite the sight, to see rhodes in action. tim had never seen anything like it, and he was loathe to admit that it garnered some amount of interest in him. it was annoying–tim didn’t want to be attracted to this type of man, he just often happened to be. “’m not leavin’, dumbass. it’s my job to keep you safe.” tim pointed his rifle at the men in front of wyatt, killing a score of them in quick succession, bullet right between the eyes. 

                it was never an expectation to have someone be in your car when you got in it, but today appeared to be gene’s lucky day. of course, like it hadn’t been shit enough already, why not add this to the mix? gene’s hands clenched into fists at his side, though trust that at the moment of opportunity, he would wail into his attacker with all the strength his frail frame offered. “sure seems like you’re gonna hurt me. why the knife if y’intend otherwise?” gene swallowed hard, the motion pressing his skin closer to the blade. “i don’t know who the hell leland frost is.” 

                “sorry to say, jo, but y’know danger always follows close behind me.” it was the very nature of being a hunter, tim supposed. every death of an evil creature brought tenfold more to his door, as if they could smell the blood of their kin. could feel it in their very bones. tim was quick to follow jo, feeling a tad trepidatious and mildly anxious, though he knew if anybody would be, both he and jo were aptly prepared to handle any sort of situation such as this. “’m thinkin’ shot guns filled with silver bullets. spray blasts will maim and down them, even if they’re not down for good.” 

         though ethan was quite aware of the importance of the mission itself, he couldn’t contain how he bubbled over with excitement, thrilled at the prospect of his first great adventure, like that hobbit in the books that his daddy loved. more than that, it was an honor being so trusted by his sister, someone he so admired and looked up to. he had never thought less of her because of her past, he had only ever loved and adored her. ethan was quick on yelena’s heels with a pep in his step, grin on his features. “never thought you’d let me come with ya.” 

             tim heaved a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb. jesus, this was going to be a lot more difficult than their handlers had made it out to be, wasn’t it? “i thought we had a sorta thing, y’know? what did they do that y’can’t go back to? i was with ya, weren’t i? was it me? am i just that shit company?” 

              “not always, no. she is often out adventuring. i’m interning at a library here, anyway.” why did tim feel the need to seek approval from this random stranger? that wasn’t…very him, was it? it must be her. she was worming into his thoughts in the worst way possible. “what? what’s so wrong with a librarian?” after all, it was a very logical job. there would always be a need for education, for the preservation of all that was old and good, would there not? “something? like what, exactly?” perhaps the foreboding feeling was simply because it was an undisturbed grave, a very rare thing when the brits loved to rob egyptian history and sell it to the highest bidder. 

              yelena and tim had come to an agreement on this subject many years ago, now that they were healed and honed into their utmost strength and ability, they felt like they were up the the challenge of this task. someone had to take out the red room, and if it wasn’t going to be shield, then it had to be them, people who knew the complex from the inside out. “okay, then let us go.” tim replied, gesturing for yelena to collect her gear. he gathered his own, sliding pistols into holsters and slinging a rifle over his shoulder. “are we ready?” 

           was this the scary dog privilege that so many youths cracked jokes about? ‘cause steve had to admit, bucky was quite frightening when he wanted to be. though he’d never scared steve, even when he was fully brainwashed in winter soldier mode. he supposed that happened when you really loved someone. “i can only hope that my cold, frigid attitude would scare away even the most eager suitors. i don’t know how i can be any more off putting without being outright mean.” steve wrapped an arm around bucky’s waist, tugging him closer. “i’m not as intimidating as you, i don’t think i could pull it off.” 

      mark was a lot of things, but he had never been stupid. it was clear as day to him that there was a leak, a mole, and all he knew was that no one on his team would do anything that might compromise tim. the shield agents, however, he did not know well enough to trust fully. and they were missing a member, it seemed suspicious enough for him, but he would wait for aislinn to come to that conclusion herself. mark’s gaze was focused, flashing between his palms on tim’s scalp, holding his brain inside his skull, and his best friend’s eyes, which were too covered in blood to be seen as they were supposed to be. “’s okay, tim, we’ve got ya. they’re almost here.”         tim had begun to cry, but he was sure that it wasn’t visible through the blood and sand that coated his features, the splatters of his own gray matter that he could feel on his skin, gelatinous and wet. his fingers were wrapped tightly around mark’s wrists, holding onto him like he were the only anchor keeping him on the earth. “i don’t wanna die,” his voice was weak, small; it trembled.         “the army ain’t gonna get rid of their best just ‘cause. tim hasn’t done anythin’ to warrant being killed, he serves a purpose. it had to be an outsider, it had to be someone else.” freddie liked the shield agents, they were perfectly nice and entirely capable, but did he trust them well enough not to fucking betray them? after all, where was rhys right now?        “hang in there, tim. help’s comin’,” jack murmured into his comm, hoping that tim could hear him, even through all the radio chatter and his own pain. he tore a piece of his shirt off, tying it around his thigh about three inches above to wound to stem the blood flow, a makeshift tourniquet. “my leg’s fuckin’ fine. i’ve got it in a tourniquet. y’all worry ‘bout tim.”         henry pulled his cellphone from his ass pocket, quickly snapping a picture and sending it to lyla. “he’s just some fucking kid. there is no way in hell he just got lucky enough to pop a perfect shot at tim. he knew exactly where our sniper would be.” 

                consider ethan successfully admonished. it was kind of funny when you looked at both wyatt and tim and one might consider tim of all people the good cop of parenting. though, to be fair, he was sure that daddy would have given him the same sort of warning, just slightly more gently. “yes, papa.” ethan nodded, ducking his head, a mite ashamed. it was just an exciting experience, being let into what one could consider the family business. everyone in their family was a sharpshooting gunslinger, perhaps he was a little bit anxious to be included. “don’t point it where you don’t intend to shoot?” it was a guess, this wasn’t normal curriculum one could find in school. 

                       there was a voice at the back of anarion’s mind, breath at the back of his neck, prickling the hairs ‘till they stood upright. the language was unfamiliar, a bastardized version of his mother tongue, quenya. the words sounded sound similar, but it couldn’t be more different tonally. harsh, full of hate, striking like thunder against the side of his skull. and yet, anarion couldn’t help but listen as though he could understand, striking down all who stood in his path. this was for isiliel, anarion had to remind himself, he had to protect he by slaying the men who kept her captive. “i am saving you from those who keep you caged,” anarion replies, his words simply a mirror of what the voice was saying, darkness washing over him in waves. “please, step out of my way. i will not ask again. i must kill ar pharazon.” 

            “it is not that i do not enjoy their company, it is just that i fear that their company brings danger. such danger wrought via two very small packages,” packages that daeron happened to adore, but were foolhardy nonetheless. what dae feared the most was what could happen to them because of their mischief, especially as they neared saruman’s grasp, closer by the minute, if not there already. “one might even say that you’ve known me more intimately than anyone,” dae replied, beaming as a blush settled atop their cheeks. “c’mon, then. race you.” a cluster of laughter fell from between daeron’s lips as they turned and sprinted through the trees, footfalls light upon the spread of leaves across the forest floor. 

            “thank ya,” tim knew it was hard for yelena to meet new people, especially men, and he didn’t blame her. he was aware that was a side affect from his own fear, but it couldn’t be helped. and, at the very least, it prepared his daughter for the reality of the world. tim began to set out plates and glasses, setting the table for two of the most important people in his life. 

              “i can imagine. i remember back in the rangers, tim wouldn’t let anyone else cook, when henry ‘nd i were plenty able to do so ourselves.” it was tim’s caregiving nature, and pure stubborn bullshit. jack let out a hardy laugh, shaking his head. “alright, maybe that’s true, but i do try, at least. 

                   tim didn’t have any real, direct answer to aislinn’s question. he had always thought like this, considered his life worth less than others around him. the overwhelming need to be the protector and not the protected, it felt ingrained into his very DNA because of the self sacrificial nature of his mother. in the grand scheme of things, nothing mattered but getting those that he loved through each and every day. and if that meant that he had to take blows, even fatal ones, then so be it. “yeah. ‘m stupid.” tim agreed, teeth clenched, forcing himself to hold back his tears. it wasn’t fun, seeing his best friend in so much pain, but he would rather aislinn be hurting than dead. “’m only doin’ this ‘cause i love ya. stay the fuck down.” tim removed his boot from aislinn’s body before he turned and sprinted toward the edge. 

              peter couldn’t help but grin, a bashful blush overtaking his cheeks, pads of his fingertips rubbing at the back of his neck. “thank you, it’s sorta my thing.” it was as close to a compliment peter figured he could get from the famed black widow, one of the coolest supers on the avengers roster, who just so happened to have an arachnid name as well. “oh, geez. okay, no pressure.” peter inhaled, trying to steady the bought of anxiety that rose within him. he had super strength which wasn’t always predictable. “okay, so do i just jump or should i launch myself off something?”