lover of men old enough to be my dad. lover of Noah Wyle, Shawn Hatsoy, Eric Bana, Josh Duhamel. lover of The Pitt, Untamed, Animal Kingdom, ER, Criminal Minds, Chicago Med, Chicago PD and Law and Order (SVU and Original) https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirl18 Come see my works on AO3.
Writing the fic now where there's established Rabbot and Robby goes ahead with adopting/fostering the abandoned baby without consulting Jack. Jack doesn't have his freakout til later, he will freak for about five minutes before realizing his husband looks adorable with a baby in his arms, but first he needs to set some rules like therapy. What should baby girl's name be? I have some options listed but open to ideas.
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Thinking about not-yet-established rabbot x there was only one bed, but maybe instead of the outside forcing proximity, it is them forcing it upon themselves.
Out for a conference? There is no need to spend more money on two rooms, when they can share. Oh? Oh they only have one queen, not two singles? Oh... oh no?
Robby sleeping off his double because going home is simply too exhausting after his shift and the on-call room is way cozier, when you're not, in fact, on call. Oh... but oh no? Jack is and he... he slept pretty well but it's a chill night and oh no? Thats his favourite on-call room? And his favourite bed?! Guess they'll have to make it work.
They're at Jack's, watching the game and its late... they both had a couple beers and its simply too long for Robby to walk home, since driving is not an option anymore. Damn, guess Robby must sleep over. But the couch is bad for his back and... Jack has just stripped the guest bed because he wanted wash the bedding... oh noooo... guess Robby will have to sleep in Jacks bed, cuddling up to his best friend, face buried in the crook of his neck :c
So tragic.
Robby waking up on a hospital bed, his arm in a cast, his head pounding instead of cracked open because today was the one day he decided to wear that damn helmet. He remembered getting hit and sliding over the asphalt but... he does not remember the man all but laying across his legs, sleeping away on his bed. He's handsome though... that man sharing the bed with him? Even if he should absolutely take him out to drink before sleeping half-sprawled over him, no? Maybe he should assert dominance and run his hand through soft salt and pepper curls. Make the handsome man wake up. Maybe the eyes are even prettier than the profile let's on?
"robert's hardly got anyone. of course he is gonna wanna make the most of having someone new around" and aaron fucking haaaaaaaaaaates it. what people new to robron fail to understand is that their optimal standard of living includes no one but each other as if they are a single cell organism 🤌 like, girl, aaron chose robert over his massive family at least five thousand times this year alone. he said bye vic! you never really understood robert anyway, i got this. his robert mental illness is one of my favorite things in the world. also this bit followed a talk about their psycho exes but he was still territorial about robert? DELICIOUS FOOD! ORGANIC! NOSTALGIC EVEN!
Summary: Jack had just wanted to convince his husband that he needed to go home. Robby wanted to ignore being sick and be stubborn. The elevator doesn't help.
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some rabbot angst for the soul <3 | probably medically inaccurate
"-only stage 2, so there is no extreme cause for worry."
Oh, fuck that, he was worrying. But, this time, not for his own sake.
He initially assumed it was just the flu. That's what he told Jack and everybody else that asked when he spent almost a full week out of work for the first time in his whole career. Although, he probably should've known better. Between the fever, the unusual fatigue, the seemingly neverending headaches, and the bruises that bloomed horribly on his hips that came from just barely bumping into a gurney. His medicinal instincts should've kicked in and he should've known.
So now he's sitting here, in an oncologist's office, being told he has stage 2 leukemia. AML specifically, which she stated was lucky to have caught early because it typically spreads fast. Yes, lucky lucky him.
But then he vomited blood on the day that he insisted that Jack go into work because he was fine, and he was decidedly not fine after that.
She continued down a list of reassurances that she probably gives every individual and family after being diagnosed with one of the most feared diseases in the country. this isn't the end. treatment is available. we can talk payment plans. it's not your fault, you're more susceptible due to your age, don't dwell on it
you'll be okay.
∆
But again, he's not the one he's worried about.
He's not worried about dying; he knows the chemotherapy is going to be strong. And he's not worried about money. Two attending physician's salary and insurance has him covered. He's worried about Jack. His husband. The love of his life. And everything that poor man has lost.
Dana was not supposed to know. In all honesty, no one was. But now here he's standing, a month into his diagnosis, and she's bug-eyed and fussing over him in this hallway.
He started chemo fairly quickly after he got the news. PTMC has an oncology department that may or may not have been biased towards him when it came to getting him on the schedule because he works downstairs. But he doesn't have the time nor the current patience to dig into all the problems with that and the rest of the American healthcare system.
They fixed him with a port and the worst of his symptoms went away after about a week. But of course, with the aggressiveness it takes to kill the cancer cells, other symptoms have popped up. He gets lightheaded more often and tired easier. The bruising is unfortunately still prominent and his hair is thinning a little, but it's easy to hide. Especially when the person you're most worried about discovering it is on a completely different schedule than you.
But then a kid vomited all over him on one fateful Tuesday afternoon and he had to get a new pair of scrubs that weren't drenched in stomach acid. And of course the scrub vendor didn't have any more pairs so Dana had to retrieve one for him from a supply closet in the back of the ER that none of the med students are meant to know about.
He's fine, honestly he is. This isn't an extension of an accused lack of care for himself or his self-sacrificialness that Jack has fought with him over many times in the past couple years. He is okay.
So in summary, he's kept it from everybody. He doesn't want people to worry. He's surviving. Still moving around the department as usual, working at his typical speed, sitting down if necessary.
The thing is, he didn't expect her to walk in when he was shirtless and waiting for his new pair. Which, again, he probably should've known better. But he was pissed off and not in his right mind.
She wasted no time pushing them into a corner and harshly whispering up at him, "What the fuck is this for?"
He tried to reach for the black top she had in her hand but she jerked it away, "Dana, can just have-"
"-No, tell me what this is about right now. Are you sick?"
"Dana."
"Robinavitch you tell me right now or I swear to God I will knock your teeth out."
He sighs, knowing it's no use. "Do you remember last month when I was out for the flu?"
"Yeah, it was the longest you've been out of work in a decade. Everybody remembers."
"Well, turns out it's not the flu. I got um.." There is no reason this should be this hard. "...l got diagnosed with leukemia a week later."
He could see her about to blow her top, out of concern or anger he's not sure, so he lifted up placating hands and cut her off before she could, "I'm fine. I swear. And I'm not lying in some weird martyrdom fashion. It's only stage 2, the chemo is working well, and I feel fine."
She paused, clearly deliberating over her next choice of words. "You swear?"
"I swear. You'd probably be able to tell if was lying due to the nature of the whole thing."
She moved her head in a way that he could tell was a reluctant agreement. But then he blinked and the shirt he was waiting for was in his face, making him realize he was still shirtless and now suddenly feeling vulnerable. "You feel anything less than okay for one moment and you take a break, you hear me?"
"Yes, yes." He grabbed the bundle of fabric as she finally released her hold on it.
"Does Jack kno-, actually no that's a stupid question. Of course he does."
There it is. His big royal mistake right now. And she could absolutely read it on his face.
"He doesn't?! Robby are you fucking insane?! He-"
He doesn't want to spill his husband's baggage everywhere. He's sure Jack hardly talks about himself with anyone at work. But this is making him look horrible, and it's just Dana. He needs to clear the air. "-Dana it's how his wife died."
She turned silent.
He pulled the top over his head, blocking out the crisp air of the hospital. "I know I should've told him, I know, but he's gonna freak the fuck out if he knows. He's gonna be all in his head everyday worrying that l'm going to collapse at any moment of any hour. l'd rather keep it from him to stop the emotional torture he's going to put himself through because of it."
He can see her chewing on her lip, clearly not pleased.
"Be disappointed all you want. I'm not going to do it. And you better not tell him either."
She sighs, "I won't, but it's a stupid decision."
"So we're good?"
She does a once over of him. "Are you good?"
"Yes Dana, l'm fine."
"Alright, alright. Okay. But don't come crying to me when this absolutely crazy secret you're keeping blows up on you."
∆
Dana Evans is not a shitty friend, or a shitty person for that matter. She's never been one to go sharing people's private information whenever. Especially information that she has said she won't share.
But in her defense, it was mindless conversation.
She was chatting with Abbot in central before hand off. He had come in a little early and they just started talking easily. They eventually, somehow, got to the topic of his marriage to the other attending and department chief that's somewhere on this floor and how they barely see each other for more than an hour a day with how busy they've become. lt just slipped, honest.
"Yeah, and I bet even more with all of Robby's appointments"
Fuck. Fuck this shift and fuck him. To say she's kept an extra eye on him since she found out about him being sick would be an understatement. And now that heightened concern is biting her in the ass. He's gonna be so livid.
Jack immediately turns to her, giving her his undivided attention, "What appointments?"
"Oh, he um- he told me he started seeing that therapist you got the referral from for him. So thought that would y'know busy up the schedule."
"I don't think he is. And I feel like I would definitely know because he'd come up and tell me the news expecting a gold star or some shit." He laughs. The conversation is still light. Good.
She shrugs, trying to play nonchalance. "I guess he just hasn't told you yet."
"Hmm. You sure?"
"Yes Abbot, I'm sure."
He's still eyeing her though. One of the man's special skills is being able to sniff out bullshit. Robby's, a patient's, or anyone else otherwise. Apparently her right now too.
"Dana, what's going on?"
"Nothing, I already told you-"
"-No, you're being weird. Is everything alright?"
"Jack, He-"
"-Dana", he pushes.
She lets out a sigh of defeat, finds the nearest empty room, and pulls them both inside. "You can't tell him that I told you or he's gonna lose it on me."
"What? Tell me what?"
"..He told me about a week back that he got diagnosed with cancer. The whole flu stint was actually the early stages of leukemia.."
Jack's ears are nearly clogged up by immediate, crescendoing ringing and he can feel the panic building up in his chest. "He what."
"He didn't tell me randomly, I found out against his will. But he made me swear not to tell you because he would worry you would freak."
"Yeah, well he's right about that", he breathes out heavily, "I swear to God, you better not be pulling some fucked up, twisted April fools joke on me right now."
"I'm not..I'm not. I'm sorry Jack. He uh-..he told me his worry was because he knew that's how your wife died. So l'm sorry about that too. This whole thing is messed up."
The poor man looks like he's about to cry. Or break something. Or both.
"Jack-"
"-Thank you Dana." And he's gone.
Great.
∆
He's been on edge all evening. Jack was significantly weird during hand off today and it's been eating at him ever since. The man assured him everything was fine, but he knows him too well for that.
Jack, much like Robby himself, has a problem being upfront about how well he isn't doing. If he's having a bad leg day, or a bad mental health day, he will never be honest about it. Robby either has to chew him out or sense it early on and take care of him without a mention of it. Thing is, Robby can't figure out which is which right now.
The next day helped him out though.
Jack had the night off, and Robby had come home surprisingly on time. When he walked through the door, Jack was sitting on their couch, hunched over and looking like he had his own little dark cloud hanging over him.
Robby kept mostly silent outside of a greeting. He toed off his boots, placed his bag in the entryway and made his way to the kitchen to find something small to eat. He's been horrendously nauseous all day and he couldn't tell whether it's because of his chemo or the fact that he's barely eaten. Probably a bit of both, might as well remedy one.
"Actually yeah."
After a considerable amount of time in the silence, he asked, "Rough day?"
Jack just grunted in response, which immediately made Robby turn around. "I could tell something was up with you yesterday. You wanna talk about it?"
Oh. Okay. He set down the bowl he had pulled out of the cupboard and gave his undivided attention to him. He met eyes full of despair and anger. "What's up?", he asked genuinely concerned.
"When the fuck were you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"Were you gonna wait until you dropped in the middle of central because you overworked yourself? Or when it turns out the cancer is spreading too fast and treatment isn't working and you have to tell me that you're gonna die?"
His stomach drops. "How the hell-"
Jack stands up, "Oh, how do I know? Great question. Instead of finding out from my husband who has the disease in question, I found out from our lovely mutual charge nurse friend, who let it slip before hand off yesterday."
"I told her not to tell you."
"Yeah, go fucking figure Mike. So answer my question, when were you going to tell me?"
"I was going to, I promise, I just didn't want you to worry."
"Right, I'm sorry that one of the top five killers in America being afflicted upon you is something that worries me."
"You know it's more than that Jack."
His voice suddenly raises, "Of course I fucking know! Of course I do, I think about it all the fucking time. Which is why this is so fucked up. I understand you wanting to save me from myself, but this is not okay."
"Jack-"
"What if you did die, huh? What if I lose a second love of my life to this piece of shit but this time I never even knew it was killing you until you were already gone?"
"I wasn't going to-"
"Don't bullshit me.", he yells, seriously this time, and it throws Robby all the way off. He stands there silent and wide-eyed as he can see tears welling up in Jack's own eyes. "All the fuck I want is to take care of you. To know if you need more rest, or if you're too cold and need a blanket before you get a fever that'll tank your whole immune system, or if you need extra food to bring to work, or fuc-fucking anything man."
The tears have completely choked off his ability to speak normally. And Robby has never seen him get upset quite like this before, "I just want to be there for you. This could go anyway but baby I just want to be there." And then a sob punches out of his throat and Robby is bounding forward and pulling him into a hug.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Jack. I didn't mean to make you so upset." He lets out a breath and just holds him there for a second and gives him time. "I promise I won't ever do this to you again. But I mean it when I say I'm fine right now, I am."
Jack pulls back, "Yeah, you're fine now"
Robby's face crumples a bit, "I know, I get it."
"I just love you. Do you understand that? Do you get what in sickness and in health means?"
"I do, I do", and then he's kissing him, and he can taste the saltiness of his tears. "I'm sorry. I love you too."
anon in my inbox said fanfic writers who wrote about dark and taboo topics were not “real writers” because of what they wrote about.
reblog if you believe anon is wrong and writers are writers, no matter what they write about. no matter how they portray these taboo topics.
reblog if you believe art can be about topics that are controversial, taboo or outright disturbing, and artists who create controversial, taboo or outright disturbing art are as valid as artists who create art of conservative values.
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I reblogged this yesterday, but I want to reblog it again. Diabetic ketoacidosis turns your blood acidic and will essentially burn you from the inside out.
The stories you hear of people dying from rationing, this is what happens to their body.
Affordable insulin isn’t just a right, it’s a necessity.
No one should have to die like that when it’s preventable with access to proper medication.
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