* 𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔢 ╱ 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊

i’m okay, thank you for asking. do you want to hear something funny? somebody scribbled ‘wash me’ into the back window of my car last night i guess i deserved it hadn’t taken the fucking thing in for a wash for over two months what was once white was tinged beige with the dirt and grime of driving from school to work to home to school to work to home still though i didn’t wash the car i didn’t have the time i went home instead and fell into my bed i curled into the blanket even though it smelled like my dog i was supposed to wash it last night but i’ll do it tomorrow i’ll wash my dog and my car and my hair and my clothes tomorrow and i forgot to tell you that i just got these new white walls in my room i had them painted over last week i was planning on putting up these really nice shelves and clean up and make it nice and presentable and clean and nice and in the corner, i have an unfinished painting i want to hang up once it’s done i promised i’d finish it once i had the time and i know it’ll look good on one of these walls one day but i don’t want to rush it right now after all, it’s all in the details, you know it’s all in the details.

i feel lost in the head at times like i’m adrift in a glacial sea too cold and too empty for any ordinary person to be i have to be tough skinned to survive here i have to want to die if i want to live and the cold is all demanding, so i give until there’s nothing left to give i never knew an exhaustion like this before to feel so completely detached from reality but there’s a comfort in the darkness because i know it’s just me and only me and always me