Chill. It’s Only Chaos.

I found out a few weeks ago I may have cervical cancer.

On top of that, I’ve been sick with sore throats and coughs but no Covid, although that hasn’t stopped work from sending me home.

I’m also having extreme cramping pains throughout my abdomen. It gets worse when I move and comes out of nowhere.

I’m trying to stay strong but my unpaid bills are starting to drown me.

I can’t begin to pay my medical bills when I can’t even pay my rent. I got a notice stating if I don’t get my rent caught up then I’ll be evicted. 

It’s so rare to make a connection with people that last.

Back when I was 16 I met this amazing girl whom I grew very close to. She taught me so much, and a lot of my first were with her. I watched her get married, and have a beautiful baby boy, and I was so happy for her. But of course her little family became her priority. We still stayed in touch and out of the blue every 7 or 8 months she would message me and ask me to hang out. I always showed. About 3 years ago she got divorced and started dating a new guy and I haven’t really heard from her since. I’ve sent her a few messages over the years, old conversation starters that always worked and invites to events. I’ve gotten few replies and always promises of trying to make it, but never being able to show. She said she was so excited to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding back in January. She messaged me a few days prior saying she wasn’t going to be there. 

I met a woman at 24. We quickly bonded over our mutual weirdness and the fact our significant others were friends. Our time together was spent with amateur photo shoots, Rick and Morty binge watching, and late night vent sessions on my apartment balcony. Unfortunately, her and her boyfriend broke up. She moved back home to Missouri. I went to North Dakota for work for a few months. We drifted apart for a bit, but once I moved back to Arkansas our conversations picked back up. She was another bridesmaid that didn’t make it to my wedding. We still talk constantly though. At least once a week to keep each other updated on our lives. She’s doing really good.

Those are the last two people I’ve really gotten close with. I’ve had a few pop up here and there but nothing that really clicked like them, nor lasted long before I became a back burner thought. 

Halloween Vibes from last night 😈

I’m not sure what went wrong. Things were going to great.

But my husband thinks she was never truly broken up with her ex boyfriend. Like, did she forget we can see the post and tags on Facebook?

All we ask is to be honest and upfront with us. And we’ll always be the same. Lying and hiding secrets do not make for a heathy relationship.

She couldn’t even bother us with a message back afterwards. Not a single message in three days, and then left on read when it was over.