Married & Crazy

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But then, one October day, she was in the city to meet a friend for lunch.  She was walking back to the train station, when she caught the smile of a young, handsome man.  He was tall, athletic, and ruggedly handsome.  He was also walking towards her.

“Hi,” he boomed in a deep, low voice.  "It’s so nice to meet you,“ he was shaking her hand, which sent a thrill up her arm, across her breast and straight into her loins.

“Sorry, do I know you?”  She struggled to stay focused as his sexual energy sent sparks throughout her body.

He asked if she was Amy, his blind date.  "Greg told me what you looked like,“ he said.  "Stunning brunette, 27 with a gorgeous figure.”

Sylvia blushed and laughed.  She told him she was almost forty, and pointed to her wedding ring.  The poor man looked crestfallen.  Without thinking, she wrote her number on a slip of paper and handed it to him.  "My name is Syliva,“ she whispered seductively in his ear before walking away, brimming with new-found confidence.

She told her husband a few days later about what had happened.  She was surprised by his reaction, which was nearly a week of renewed and incredible sex.  

A few days later, she found herself almost wishing for the man to call her.  A week after that, she had gotten him mostly out of her system.  Then he called.

"Hi, it’s Brad,” the voice from her recent fantasies told her.  The navigated through their mutual nervousness before he finally asked.  "How does this work if you’re married?“

"My husband gave me a hall pass,” she said.  "So long as it is just sex,“ her heart fluttered, "my husband doesn’t mind.”  Her throat was dry and her heart racing as she couldn’t stop thinking of fucking the man she met on the street that day.

“Are you free tomorrow,” he asked.

“What about Amy,” Sylvia teased.  "Your blind date?“

Brad laughed.  "She wasn’t nearly as gorgeous as advertised.”  He explained where he worked and suggested they meet for drinks afterward at a nearby bar.

Sylvia’s mind raced all night.  She decided to tell her husband, whose sexual energy nearly shook the bed apart that night.  The next day, she tried to relax all day before taking the train to the city.

She met him at the bar and nearly collapsed as his young, firm hands tapped caressed her waist.  He kissed her cheek hello like an old lover.  They chatted for a half hour before she leaned over and asked him, “Are we going to talk all night, or do you want to have some real fun?”

He smiled that gorgeous smile, and grabbed her hand.  They checked into the hotel across the street.  When they got to their room, she unwrapped his gorgeous, toned body like a Christmas present.

They made love for hours before her phone rang.  He took his cue and went off to shower while she told her husband of their tryst.  When he came out, wearing nothing but a towel, she smiled at him.

“Should we call it a night,” he asked, a little sadly.  "Your husband wants you home?“

Dirty talk is an awesome way to explore your fantasies in a safe environment, but it can also be a daunting task if you’re not used to expressing your sexuality in such an explicit way.

What do you say? How do you say it? And how do you know he’ll like it?

Diclaimer: the following advice reflects our kinks and likes but the principles can be used for any fantasy you want to talk dirty about. We’re very much into hotwifing both of us. Basically he enjoys to watch me being fucked by a hung guy. He’s not into humiliation or being put down, but he do like to hear that another man can give me just as much pleasure as him, sometimes even more. For me, I enjoy walking that fine line where he’s a mix of horny and jealous. I want him to be horny thinking of me cumming over and over again, but I also love to know that it does sting a little bit when I tell him that a bigger dick can turn me into an obedient little slut and make me cum instantly.

Some safety rules.

First thing first. We don’t want your dirty talk to turn into a stupid argument, so let’s get some safety rules down first.

• Talk about what he like and doesn’t like beforehand. What I’m writing in this post is based on our likes and kinks, and they are not universal guidelines. You should always talk to your husband and find out exactly what it is he would love to hear from you. It’s important to keep this conversation non-sexual, so you get an honest answer, not a horny answer.

• What is said in dirty talk might not reflect real life. This goes both ways. Dirty talk is a great way to explore fantasies and boundaries, but not everything said when you’re raging horny is valid when you’re not. If something is said that surprises you, talk about it after. And remember, you’re going make him REALLY horny, so he might express fantasies or thoughts that is just that - fantasies and thoughts, and not necessarily something he wants to act on. In the same way you need to be clear about how you’re also just exploring your own fantasies as well as his, and might say something in the heat of the moment that you don’t necessarily mean or want to act out in real life.

• This is dirty talk, not a lie detector test. You’re allowed to exaggerate to increase his enjoyment, but I strongly advise you to reveal the truth after he’s had his orgasm so you won’t create a distorted image in his head.

What dirty talking is not

Dirty talking is not overthinking how to phrase the perfect sentence. In fact, once you start articulating your husband’s fantasies, I guarantuee he will be so horny he couldn’t care less how well you phrase it. Just the fact that you’re talking about his fantasies means that he’s too busy trying to keep his orgasm back to even care. Just relax and say something. Anything.

Don’t rush it

The goal with dirty talking is of course to make your husband have an amazing orgasm, but do not rush it!

I’ll dare say that for your husband the process and the talk itself is way more exciting than his orgasm. So take your time and let him  enjoy and simmer in it.

Don’t worry about repeating yourself

You might be thinking “but I already told him that story 3 times, I can’t think of something new”. Don’t worry about that, just tell it again. Trust me.

And now…. Without further ado here are my secret dirty talking methods that’ll make your husband lose his mind.

And then what

I find that the biggest obstacle in dirty talking is how to start it. That first thing you break the ice with. It can feel a bit awkward at first, but you’ll quickly get the hang of it. I’m a big fan of something I call the and then what technique. Basically you just start with a rather innocent question or statement and then evolve into the next natural thing that would happen. So you say something, and then pretend someone asks you “and then what” and then you answer that question.

So let’s pretend for a second you’re on top of your man, riding him cowgirl style and you want to spice it up a little.

Simply starting with a “you like the way I fuck you?” Is enough to break that awkward ice. He’ll answer yes of course. And then what? “then imagine how Mark (using names of actual guys you know works amazingly) would feel if I fucked him like this”

And then what?

“I would bounce up and down his cock just like this. He’ll get to feel how tight your wife’s pussy is”

And then what?

“then I want him to….”

You get it.

Reliving the past

My husband is very much into hearing stories about guys I used to fuck so this one is his favorite type of dirty talk. The way it goes is when I give him a handjob, blowjob or even ride him, I would say something like “you like the way I stroke your dick?” (asking if he likes it is always a great way to break the ice and initiate dirty talk without feeling awkward). This always gets me a very enthustiastic “YES!” to which I answer something like “this is exactly how I used to stroke [name of guy I used to fuck]’s cock…” (pause for dramatic effect) “except… His was a lot bigger than yours”. This line alone is usually enough to almost bring him over the edge, and if not it’s a great way to go into more details - how did it feel to stroke a much bigger dick, would you do it again, perhaps the guy used to get so horny that he would fuck you before you could finish the handjob, etc. Details, details, details, I can’t stress it enough.

Fair warning: not everyone is into hearing about your past! Make sure your husband is into that before springing this on him.

The commentator

This one is super easy because you don’t feel like you’re talking dirty, you’re just saying what’s on your mind. So the way it works is to watch porn with your man and simply make comments about the movie paying. Particularly about the guy and what you like about him. Compliment his dick, go into details about what you like about him, think out loud like “I really wish I could get fucked like that one day” / “look how big his dick is. He would make me cum so fast with that”

If you’ve fucked someone who reminds you of the guy, by all means tell your husband about it. Watching a porn with a guy who’s fucking some girl senseless and hearing your wife drop the bomb that the guy is the exact same size as some dude she dated in college is a sure way to make your husband look at the porn and all he will see is you being fucked right there on the screen. Very hot for both of you.

The yes ladder

This is a really simple but very effective technique that is easy for new dirty talkers and is guarantueed to drive him crazy.

In a nutshell what you do is ask him some questions that all leads to a yes. With each question the intensity in what you’re asking increases. There’s something crazy hot about this almost confessional way of talking dirty and being “forced to admit” your deepest fantasies. This is a great way to get yourself going, and to test out boundaries.

Optional: let him know ahead of time that you’re going to ask him questions and if he says no just once, he don’t get to cum. See what he’s willing to say yes to - just remember these are forced and horny yesses expressing what he likes in the heat of the moment. They don’t necessarily count in real life.

Example of a yes ladder.

“you like this huh”

“would you like it if i did this to another guy?”

“would you let me pick any guy i want?”

“what if i want a guy who’s bigger than you, would you allow that?”

“do you want him to fuck me hard?”

“what if he makes me cum really hard, can you handle that?”

“what if he makes me scream out his name, can you still handle it?”

“can I fuck him right here in our bed?”

“would you allow me to fuck someone I’ve dated before?”

“even if he really knows how to fuck me good?”

“what if I want him to fuck me while you wait in the other room, will you do that?”

You get it, just continue like this. Make the questions increasingly more provocative and test his boundaries, maybe even cross them if you know he can handle it.

The O-bomb

This method works extremely well if you’ve been teasing and playing with him for a while, keeping him right on the edge and he’s SO close now that you can make him cum any second.

All there is to it is asking him “do you want to cum?” he’ll answer yes almost pleading. And that’s when you drop the O-bomb. The O-bomb is some of the blue thought you put into his head and force him to cum to before he can even react.

For example: he just said yes he wants to cum. You then say “good. I want you to cum while you think of me cumming all over (name)’s big dick” and then you simply force him to cum before he even gets a chance to react. As he’s cumming you keep feeding him the thought over and over until he’s done. “yes, cum while you imagine how he makes me scream” etc.

The story

My personal favorite. One thing is to talk about imaginary stuff that could maybe some day happen. Another is to talk about stuff that actually already happened simply by telling him a story about some incredible hot sex you’ve had, either because the circumstances where hot, because the guy knew what he was doing and fucked your brains out or the guy happened to be seriously hung.

This is also super simple for you because you dont have to make anything up, you simply just tell what happened and describe the situation.

Don’t worry about elaborate descriptions or anything. Trust me he’ll ask you to elaborate when he hears something he likes. Just describe what happened and how it felt for you. Especially the “how it felt” part is very important.

The talk

Now in the safety rules i told you to talk about what he likes and dislikes without touching him so his arousal won’t reflect his answers. This time you do the exact opposite. Simply have a conversation about what he likes while slowly touching his dick. There’s something really hot about just talking while casually stroking him. And you’ll be able to measure his response simply by the way his dick throbs, which is incredibly hot.

How to start it: just casually ask him a question about his likes and as he answers you slowly start touching him while asking him more questions.

The close your eyes and imagine

Sometimes it can be a lot easier if your husband can’t see you when you talk dirty.

Example:

“close your eyes. Do you like my hands on. Your dick? Now imagine i was doing this to another guy. Stroking his big dick just like this. I would be so turned on knowing it isn’t you. My pussy would want to feel him inside me. Imagine how he would push me down and fuck me. Imagine how i would gasp when he starts to stretch me. How I would scream when he goes deeper than you.”

Do you see how the above also make use of the and then what technique to tell the next part of the story?

Putting it all together

Now, I know reading about it and actually doing it is two very different things. When you’re first starting out I actually advice you to plan out your dirty talking. This might not be as sexy and spontaneous, but while you’re still getting the hang of it it’s nice to be a little prepared so you don’t run out of things to say. I would also advice you to start off doing it while giving a handjob, as you will have a much easier time focusing on what to say than if you were giving a blowjob or having sex.

Let’s break the ice with an innocent “do you like the way it feels when I stroke your cock?”

When he says yes I would then say something like “good…. Now close your eyes” wait for him to do it.

Then: “would you like it if I did this to another man?” - “yes”

Then: “you know, [name of ex / bull / fantasy guy] used to love when I stroked his dick. Of course his was a lot bigger than yours, I could barely close my hand around it”

Then: “do you like that, thinking about how I used to stroke his big cock?” - “yes”

Then: “having that big cock in my hands always made me feel so tiny and horny”

Then: “do you want me to show you how I used to suck him?” - “yes”. Then put all your effort into giving the best head you have ever given.

Then: “mmh… Can you imagine how good his cock must have felt in my mouth? I used to suck him just like that until he came in my mouth”.

By now he should be getting pretty close, so it’s time put on the finale. Ask him “do you want to cum?” - “yes”. Start stroking him faster.

“tell me…” - make him say that he wants to cum.

“I want you to cum while you think of me getting fucked by [name]. He would always make me cum so hard. Imagine how I used to scream his name” - if you really want to go all out you could start moaning the name of this other guy, whether that’s your bull, an old fling, your husband’s friend or who ever you like to fantasize about.

Do you see how easy it flows from do you like it, to imagine it’s someone else, to describing how you used to do or would do it on someone else?

With time it will come naturally and you won’t have to plan ahead, but to begin with it’s nice to have an idea of how you want to start it, how you want to end it and how you bridge that gap.