I have a lot of to share and yet nothing. So Iâll just roll the writing and weâll see where it leads. I am gamer. Gamer girl. Russian gamer girl. I know it can sound weard, but iâve been through a lot on this path. Iâll try to explain. Noone protects your interest in Russia. You probably know itâs homophobic country, but letâs wide this: we donât have culture of tolerance at all. Feminism exists, but just as small marginal groups, they have no real power. Noone will respect you just because youâre a whamen. Thereâs evil and good at this point -- we have to build ourselves, fight through REAL misoginy to get success, and itâs good to know youâre strong enough to do so. On the other side, many smart, but weak girls fated to live by providers side, and have no ambitions. Does any of it make sence? Back to the subject. I played a lot since my childhood, but as far as I can remember it never was hard, competitive games. They werenât even multiplayer games, just simple singleplayer classics. I donât honestly remember my first multiplayer game, but i sure remember my first expirience in DOTA 2. It was sweet 2013, and I loved this game so passionate. First I used voice chat a lot, but I realised that if Iâm making a mistake the team blames me harder then if I donât claim that iâm a girl at any way. So I just picked gender-neutral nickname and stopped using voice chat. Letâs clear this: Iâm not good at games. Iâm okay at games. Sometimes I can show good reaction and skill and sometimes I can bump AF. So what you can say, thereâs a lot of games where you donât need any skill to play, you can just have fun. I thought that too, but then Dark Souls came in my life. It took me 100 hours to beat DS 2 for the first time. Pathetic you say, caution I reply. Secont walkthrough took 30 hours, third only 15. And I started to realise, that itâs all about expirience. Yeh I donât have some people reaction, but I can fucking learn untill I wonât need it. Why is it so important not to be bad in videogames? Because we all have to choose a field of personal realisation, and as future (hopefully) game designer itâs not that strange that somehow I choose this one. I hope one day I will confident enough not to be ashamed of playing bad, I hope one day people will come to my twitch streams for gameplay, not for âjust chattingâ, as they always do. I hope one day Iâll be able to create a game, that will take boys and girls minds. Does any of it makes any sence? Donnow, but it was nice to write about it, even though I canât express everything I feel. Thanks for reading, I guess
