Gourd the Guard

I am like a stormtrooper. I never miss. <^(:`D)

Sometimes, when I'm mad, I use a marker to draw myself eyebrows, but most of the time, I miss and end up drawing myself a mustache.

I broke my gourd gun... -^(:'<)

Gourd is more so guard than gourd. But gourd guards gourds as just well as non gourd guards do.

I once met a guy named Guard. You'll never believe what his last name is.

My mare keeps making weird horse noises, and I'm starting to worry. She just started talking about tax season. Tax season? But you serve no king, dear mare. How could you know about the intricacies of tax season?

Hindsight is 20/20 unless you're me then hindsight is 20/inf because I never let the past hold me back

The wind keeps slapping me over the back of the head. I'm starting to think someone else is here...

I have the highest intelligence in all of the kingdom! Now, to find where that criminal went...

Every tower is a guardable tower if you're assertive enough.