Gossip from Down Under

          Uh oh, looks like somebody won’t be getting her happily ever after! We all knew Cinderella’s rags to riches tale was too good to be true. Rumor has it that Prince Charming was caught sleeping around with Snow White AND her seven dwarves!

          “Cindy’s a total mess right now,” one insider reveals, “She left Charming and his castle behind, but has no where to go! Her only family left is her totally evil Stepmother and Stepsisters, and she pissed them off pretty bad when she married the Prince.  And it doesn’t help that her only friends are mice and birds… like, they don’t exactly have couches to crash on.”

         Looks like someone will be bippity-boppity-boo hooing the entire enchanted pumpkin ride home to her Fairy Godmother’s apartment, which our source says is the only place she could realistically go.

      And rumour has it that Cindy won’t be alone for the ride! (Either she’s been eating her sadness or this princess is PREGOOO)

         All I can say is that I saw it coming. Cindy dear, you’ve never been great at making good decisions, from wearing shoes made out of glass to marrying the guy who didn’t recognize you outside your party dress. Better luck next time, Princess.

      A sad day in the land of Ever After, following the tragic passing of local princess Briar “Aurora” Rose.  Prince Philip, her husband, found Aurora unconscious and not breathing in their castle just hours ago today.

     “When I got home this evening, I thought it was strange she wasn’t out of bed yet,” a teary eyed Philip told authorities. “I couldn’t wake her up.”

     Paramedics pronounced her dead on the scene, calling the case a ‘classic overdose’.

     It was no secret that Aurora battled an addiction to both alcohol and narcotics. The princess had just recently returned from her 2 month stay at Galinda the Good’s Rehabilitation Centre.

     Prince Philip, along with friends and family of the royal couple, has swiftly and generously decided to donate money to create a new department at the Rehabilitation Centre in Aurora’s name. This department would be focused on raising awareness of drug and alcohol addiction, and creating prevention campaigns in schools for all the land to benefit from.

  Word has it those two amateur royalties have been caught doing growing and selling some sort of drug. Who knew you could grow anything in that sand covered country of theirs anyway?

  Seems like they’ve been sampling a little bit of their product too. Video of the king and queen being taken in have them shouting “Genie made us do it! Arrest him!” over and over again. Now if this Genie is a code name, that’s totally believable but if it’s in their heads on the other hand…

  “I had absolutely no idea this was happening just under our noses.” Jafar, a close friend of the two said. The two have been transported and held at Ever After’s only prison and are staying there until further notice. Whatever Blue Genie is saying to them won’t help them there.

            Ariel hasbeen banned from Atlantica after being spotted dining at the well-known franchise, Red Lobster. The princess was feasting on a plate of crabs when sources caught her red handed.

           “When I saw the pictures, I was shocked, speechless. How could she do such a thing to her own kind? It’s like she forgot where she came from. Those crabs could be my relatives! Oh it makes me sick thinking about it!” Sebastian, a distressed crab who has been serving the royal family for decades.

    The talk about Queen Elsa’s Coronation was absolutely everything last year, but what about now? What is our local ice queen up to? Freezing her citizens apparently!

    In my last interview with Elsa she told me what had saved Arendelle from becoming one giant popsicle was her sister’s quick thinking and love. Now a year later, I’ve heard reports from Arendelle authorities that citizens and castle staff alike are being frozen when their Queen gets a little on the rough side. Ouch! Maybe it’s just too hard to interact normally when you’ve been locked in a castle for years. Just maybe. Elsa refuses to make any other comment other than to let it go. What a drama queen.

    Right now there isn't much they can do since she’s you know… the Queen. I’ll let you know once something does happen!

   Belle is proving once again that she’s more than just a beauty. Today was the official commencement of Belle’s new girl’s group “Smart Girls of Ever After”, an after school program where young girls of the land can go to learn about social justice issues and equality of the sexes.

   “I believe that patience, understanding, and education are the keys to eradicating ignorance and sexism. We’ll be covering topics such as sexism in the media, self-esteem, sexuality and gender identity, and recognizing internalized misogyny. We have to show these girls that they don’t need a prince to rescue them!” Belle stated. “These girls need a safe and supportive learning environment and I intend to give them that.”

   Way to go Belle! Spaces are already filling up. Glad to hear this girl means business.

   Still, there is some backlash from the community. In fact, a few princesses are taking to the #Meninist movement. One of those princesses is none other than Snow White.

   “I don’t agree with feminists, they’re just a bunch of angry and ungrateful women. They’re as bad as evil Stepmothers!” Snow gushed during out interview. “Just because Belle’s Prince was a glorified dog who IMPRISONED her doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be eternally grateful to my prince.”

   Belle’s response? “Unfortunately this just shows how much work we have cut out for ourselves. It’s this kind of ignorance that us at Smart Girls are trying to fight.”

        The Ugly Duckling has been reclusive all year, until now! For the first time since last spring, Miss Duckling has finally stepped out of her home and into the limelight when she appeared at the Royal Ball. Except, plot twist!!!

        Miss Duckling looked insanely amazing! I asked Miss Duckling just exactly to what she credited her amazing transformation. Her reply? “I’ve been working with a personal trainer, the Blue Fairy! She’s definitely worked her magic on me.”

       She also credits her new work out routine. “Pilates, hot yoga, and barre, 2-5 hours of each everyday, it’s really gotten me in shape.” And what about diet, you may ask?

       “All I’m eating right now is goji berries, lemon juice, and quinoa. Weekends are my cheat days, which are super important, otherwise I’d go crazy eating this bird food,” Miss Duckling babbled. “So on Saturdays and Sundays I’m allowed to indulge myself with a spoonful of salsa, and that almost takes the edge off my extreme hunger.”

       Although her diet and exercise have certainly fixed her body, there’s talk about something a little more. Many townspeople believe that Miss Duckling has also had some work done, and I can’t say I disagree! If you look close, you’ll see the curvature of her beak appears slightly more pointed than before, and her feathers seem almost unnaturally white.

       Tweet me what you think using either #RealDealDuckling  or #RubberDucky, and we’ll decide together, once and for all!

    Everything seemed great in kingdom of Corona last year when this royal couple celebrated the birth of their first born— a little blonde princess with the same magical hair as her mother.        

    But it turns out old habits die hard. Flynn Rider has made a comeback, taking over $10,000,000 worth of gold and fine royal possessions. An anonymous tip told us that Flynn Rider has been selling locks of the young princess’ hair and using the profit towards a warm and sunny island near Atlantica.

    Flynn has reached out on Twitter last night, expressing his thoughts on their marriage and relationship. In one tweet, he implies that he has been through physical abuse throughout their marriage and encourages others in similar situations to get out.

    The Queen is determined to win her case and her gold back but will the spousal abuse accusations turn against her?

    Will Flynn be able to get out of this mess and finally be rested and alone, surrounded by an enormous pile of money?

    What will be the fate of the young princess?

Who said happiness couldn’t be bought? Hercules saysotherwise. Our famous muscle-head celeb Hercules has been caught takingsteroids! With a body that nice, there’s no way they could be just a gift from the gods. Psh, like that’s even real. Sources say that’s been getting his little pills from his little goat friend. Whatever the animal is putting into his pills, get me some cause damn.

 Even the citizens of Athen are calling him out for it screaming “Doped the distance.” whenever he’s seen in public.  Well I mean… he did save your city from a three headed Hydra… but who am I to say anything?

Let me call up Hades and see if he has anything to say about this.