You are gonna beat this world

"You know, you're right. I've never thought of that before," she nodded gravely, voice tight. The thought of Rick faced with a walker-- maybe someone he knew, like elderly Mrs. Grady who had lived next door-- made her stomach churn. She wasn't sure he'd be able to pull the trigger.

"We're already making it work. You're helping make it work. We'd probably all be gone if it weren't for you." She reached out touch Shane's arm-- half to reassure him, half just to feel him again.

Lori dropped the dish rag and ran a soapy hand through her hair in frustration. God damnit, she was always forgetting when her hands were still wet. 

"Look, I don’t know who you think you know enough to say they changed, but it obviously wasn’t me,” she lectured, wiping her wet palms against her jeans. She heard the faint murmurs of Rick talking to Dale out by the RV behind her.

"It isn’t adultery when you think your husband is dead, Lori. We haven’t been intimate since. But this? This argument here, sure, that’s adultery, every conversation we’ve had since he’s been back has been. Because I don’t think either of us is willing to let the other go. I’ll admit to it, but you won’t, and that is worse than adultery, Lori, way worse." He set his jaw and threw his arms up in frustration. 

"All you are doing is lying, girl. Lying to Rick, lying to me, and most importantly lying to yourself. You can deny these feelings, you can pretend that what we had never existed, but it isn’t the truth. The sooner you acknowledge that, you can get back to your pretty little life with your adoring husband who didn’t think twice about working double shifts." Turning suddenly, he threw his fist into a nearby tree, sending bark flying.

"You took care of me and Carl." Lori's pushed her hair out of her eyes as she shook her head adamantly. The wind didn't help and she felt a ping of misplaced frustration. "I'm not taking that away from you. I would never take that away from you-- that was you risking yourself when you didn't have to."

She bit her tongue before she could bite back with who the real liar was. She wasn't the one who saw Rick "dead" in the hospital, he was, and look how that turned out. But that was an old argument. She had to get them back to now-- forget everything that had happened-- how scared she'd been and the ashy smell of napalm. Now was where they had to be.

Lori dropped the dish rag and ran a soapy hand through her hair in frustration. God damnit, she was always forgetting when her hands were still wet. 

"Look, I don’t know who you think you know enough to say they changed, but it obviously wasn’t me,” she lectured, wiping her wet palms against her jeans. She heard the faint murmurs of Rick talking to Dale out by the RV behind her.

"You were there that day, not me," she challenged. "You didn't pull the trigger but you were there with him on duty. You spent more time with him than I did. He was always working, and you never told him otherwise, did you?"

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she was being unreasonable. Rick choosing work over her or Carl was his own choice-- not Shane's, he had no responsibility to her or her son before the world went to hell, but she felt wound up like a top, ready to spin out of control.

Lori reached for his arm, suddenly angrier at the fact that he'd turn her back on her more than anything else. She wanted to see his face, feel that he was solid under her finger tips.

DON’T CHANGE A CHARACTER’S PERSONALITY FOR A SHIP

DON’T CHANGE A CHARACTER’S PERSONALITY FOR A SHIP

DON’T CHANGE A CHARACTER’S PERSONALITY FOR A SHIP

DON’T CHANGE A CHARACTER’S PERSONALITY FOR A SHIP

“We tried to keep it under control. Was it that obvious to you?” she asked, a grim smile creeping across her face as she reached up to try and wipe the tears away from her eyes. She hated how crying made her eyes red for hours afterward— especially lately. 

She took a steady breath, trying to bury the embarrassment she felt over breaking down in front of Shane like this. 

He glanced away. “Rick talked even less to me, Lori. We know that. He wasn’t a man of words. Just a man who did what he had to do.” He gave a slight shrug. “Nothin’ to be embarrassed ‘bout.” He let his head swivel to meet her eyes and give a nod. “Can’t change things now. Just gotta hold onto the good. For Carl.”

Lori snorted and flashed a smile-- half embarrassed at the mess of tears and red, runny nose she had, and half genuine happiness at remembering just how much of a man of few words Rick really had been. She used to hate that about him, but now that he was gone everything seemed different. Regret made her remember his short comings with more fondness.

"You could say that again," she grinned. "Between you and me, we could almost piece together the few things he told us. Remember the police picnic? I never would've been able to plan it if I hadn't gotten half the information about it through you. We still didn't end up bringing a desert for anyone."

Shane squeezed her cheek and she bit her lip, bringing her hand up to rest on it. His touch was warm and comforting-- almost enough to make her forget the sticky feeling of tears drying on her cheeks.