#guiltypleasures

"You smell odd." Snapping out of trance, you stared at the man dangling a small box of drink in front of you. Much to your horror, all you could see is a warped face, and voice echoing like a lost tone in the sea of darkness, almost mocking your internal dilemma.

"That's foul! You shouldn't tell a lady they smell odd, you know?" The muscles of your cheeks forced you to smile; this isn't you controlling your body, you should be horrified at the thought of your autonomy being discarded in a dream and yet all you could feel was laughter bubbling out your throat as warmth hugged your alarmed state.

In this kind situation your hunter instincts should've told you to run, attack, or wake up from this haunted mess of a dream. Anger doesn't fill your desire to leave, instead you don't feel livid at all.

The warped-face man laughs, sipping all the contents from his drink in one go. You looked at him with amused stare, the muscles of your cheeks still stuck in the state of smiling. What's even there to smile? He just finished his drink, there's nothing about it to be in awe of, you grumbled in your thought.

"Not that kind of smell." Noticing your slight interest, he poked your cheeks as he laughed, the softness in his voice carrying an intimate tenderness reserved only for lovers. That is if this version of you in this dream is in fact, his other half.

"I smell sadness in you..." Now that's interesting.

"So Mr. Wolfie could smell feelings now huh?" 'You' joked lightheartedly, but all you could think of is what 'you' called him. It's not a name, but familiarity is what washes the peculiarity of your current predicament. Everything starts making sense yet doesn't at the same time. This warped-face man, Mr. Wolfie, just who is this guy that's been making your heart beat frantically, unable to distinguish if it's fear or an odd sense of comfort.

"Well, I should be concerned of my lady's inner turmoil, no?" He inched closer. "Tell me, love. What do you really see?" A pause.

Something inside you shifts.

The warm tears you've been accustomed every morning when you wake up, cascaded down your cheeks.

"Just... Who are you?" Your voice cracked. It felt like you've been here before or rather YOU should be here. The incessant days waking up with an aching heart and the quiet sobs of a dream amiss; this dream was the missing piece to the hole from the puzzle you've left untouched, a story discarded in a place you can't reach nor cling on to.

You heard him chuckle in defeat.

"You need to wake up now, (name)." His voice which was imbued with warmth now placed with a distorted noise. Like a glitch in a system, almost like it's being earsed from existence.

"Wait!" Your hand reached out his warped-face, only to pass through it like a ghost you're not supposed to feel nor touch. You gasped in horror, attempting to reach out in frantic desperation. "No, no, no, no!"

"Your name!" In a desperate attempt to cling on the consciousness that's soon fading. "At least your name, please." But does pleading eases your anxiety and the pain that is clawing out your lungs? Will it stop the tears from falling further each morning came?

But the memories, oh the memories. From past dreams, false reality blending amidst the storm brewing out of your emotional state. Still, you reached out one last time.

"V̸̸̴̠̘̰͋̈̑̾͐͘͠͝ ̶̷͍͕̣̱͙̞̭̠̓́̇͗́̀͟͝ͅa̢̢̡̠̝̜̪̰̙̠̠̯ͥ̌̀̅́́ ̸̴̶̦̠̝̼̟̯̓ͣ͐̈́̀̀̀͜͟͝l̴̢̫̬̝͙̗̝͇̖̘̪̫̒ͯ͊ͫͧ̆͌̀̀͘͜͞͠ ̷̡̡̢̜͍̬̲̜̼͖̹͕̌̈́̇̈̽̈͋̄̀͘͝͞͞k̷̷͎̟̩̱̲̹͙͋̽̒̑ͯ͢͢͟͜͢ ̴̴̶͕̬͇̻̰ͪ̔͂o̵̵̵̫̳̟̻̯̼̙̼͂ͬͦ̂̀͞͝͝͞"

And then you saw it. The smile of someone you once had your fate intertwined with.

----------------

You wake up in cold sweat. There were no tears this time, but only the heaviness of your heart from a dream you cannot recall, yet again.

"Your name... what was your name again?" Mumbling absentmindedly as your eyes wander the surroundings of your room, only to be halted by the moonlight's hue just outside the window.

You rest your arms on the edge, blinking up at him. "This is nice. I'm glad you brought me," You admit.

"Of course," Bucky says without hesitation, though you aren't 100% sure if he only asked you to join him on this trip because his wife already said no. It's not exactly Bali, but the small resort is a pleasant break from the city. Somewhere between business and pleasure, Bucky had a conference in the Hamptons, and decided to extend the trip so he could take a short vacation. It isn't often that he takes you out in public in the States for fear that he'd be recognized, but a place as remote and far-removed from society as this is safe away from the prying eyes of the press.

"You hungry?" You ask him while you begin to climb out the pool.

Helping you up, he shrugs with a sly look on his face. "I'm craving something in particular," He says coyly, wrapping his arms around you once you're standing up. "You ready to head back up to the room?"

The look in his eyes tells you he's really hoping you say yes, and so you do. The two of you return to the suite, where you have a quick shower you refuse to let Bucky join you in.

"I need my alone time," You insist as you peel off your swimsuit. "And I'm going to exfoliate. You don't want to be there for that."

You almost regret banning him from the bathroom when you see the look on his face, but when you come back out after your shower to see the bed covered in petals and Bucky lying on top of it wearing nothing but a box of chocolate which is doing nothing to hide his dick, you're glad you did.

"James," You gasp, placing your hand on your damp chest.

"Hey, nymph," He greets you with a smirk.

"How long have you been lying there?" You wonder curiously, stepping closer to the bed.

"Don't worry about that," He says quickly, before gently thrusting his hips upwards. "Care for some candy?"

With a grin, you kneel onto the bed and crawl closer to him. You open up the box before taking out a small spherical chocolate, meeting his eyes as you take a bite. Bucky sits up and takes hold of your towel, slowly pulling it off to reveal your body. He drinks in the view before meeting your eyes. You place the rest of the chocolate in his mouth, watching as he chews and swallows.

"Was that what you were craving?" You ask him teasingly as you gradually begin to straddle him with your legs on either side of his waist.

His eyes light up and he shakes his head.

"No?" You ask, tilting your head with a pout. "What else could you possibly be after, Mr. Barnes?"

As you start to climb further up his body, Bucky lays back down, his chest rising and falling a little quicker. "Baby..." He trails off weakly.

"What is it?" You whisper as your throbbing pussy brushes against his pecs. "Tell me what you want."

"Sit on my face," Bucky requests lowly, bringing his hands up to your ass.

You can't tease him any longer, and within seconds you're doing as he said. His mouth instantly latches onto you, his tongue flicking against your clit.

"Oh, fuck," You cry out, throwing your head back. "Just like that, Jamie."

Just as he gets into a rhythm, your phone lets out a ding on the bedside table. Bucky growls, pulling away from your pussy. "That fucker's been texting you all day," He grumbles.

"Ari?" You throw out, immediately regretting it when you see the look on Bucky's face.

He throws you onto the bed on your front before mounting you, pinning you down and bringing his lips to your ear. "I don't mind what you do in your spare time, but here, with me, you're mine," He utters, bringing his cock to your soaked entrance. "You don't talk to him. You don't say his name. You do not even think about him when you're with me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, daddy," You cry out as he sinks into you, filling you up.

He gives you no time to adjust to his intrusion before he starts fucking you hard, making you moan with every thrust. It's rougher than he usually is, and his possessiveness only makes your heart flutter.

"You belong to me," Bucky grunts, snapping his hips against yours. "Every fucking part of you belongs to me. Say it."

"I belong to you, daddy," You repeat obediently with your head turned to the side. "I don't care about anyone else. Just you."

"That's my girl," He says before pulling out and flipping you onto your back. Linking his hands with each of yours, he keeps your arms pinned above your head as he settles between your legs and pushes back into you again. He fucks you slower this time, but still just as hard.

His face falls forward into your neck, while your eyes roll back. "So good, daddy," You mutter weakly.

"You're mine," Bucky whispers before pressing a soft kiss against your neck, repeating the mantra with every thrust. "Mine. All mine. Always."

You do your best not to take his words seriously - he's a married man for crying out loud - but it's so hard when he's looking at you like that and fucking you like this. Even if he wasn't married, he couldn't be linked to someone like you in public. A nobody. Even worse for his image, a sex worker. You and him could never be together, not really, except for in hotel suites and the penthouse.

But when he looks at you the way he is, his blue eyes burning into yours, his fingers interlocked with yours, your bodies connected in the most beautiful way - you can't help but want more.

But that isn't allowed.

You're not to be seen in public with him. Even if you were to accidentally be in the same place, he'd act like he didn't know you. That hasn't happened yet, but you're dreading the day it does. The day you see each other at the same restaurant, him with his wife and you with a friend, and he just walks by you like you're nothing to him. You're not sure you could survive that.

"You're so beautiful," His whispered promise pulls you from your thoughts. "You're my beautiful girl. Aren't you?"

You nod, accepting his soft kiss. His cock continues to tunnel in and out of you, making every inch of your skin burn.

"That's right. All mine," He groans. "Are you gonna cum for me?"

Your stomach flips and you wrap your legs around his waist, your pussy clenching. "I'm so close, daddy," You hiss as your back arches up off the bed.

"That's it, baby, just like that," Bucky utters, letting go of one of your hands to cup your face. "You're so fucking beautiful, you know that?"

You say nothing, digging your nails into his shoulder.

"You are," He insists, resting his forehead against yours. "You're my beautiful, beautiful baby. I... fuck, nymph, I'm gonna cum."

"Cum inside me," You beg him as your heart races. "Please, daddy."

"I'm all yours," He promises you, before moving his hand to your heat and rubbing your clit. "Go ahead, baby, show me how good I make you feel."

Your legs tense up as you feel your orgasm wash over you. Your nails sink deeper into his skin, your body shuddering beneath him. Bucky groans as he feels you reach your end, his thrusts getting sloppier as he cums inside you, growling your name.

"Jamie," You cry, making his jaw clench as he spills his seed into you.

"Fuck," He hisses, resting his body against yours as he keeps you pinned beneath him, as if he's afraid you'll leave if he doesn't keep you in place.

You lay like that for a few minutes, both of you catching your breaths. Eventually, he turns to lay on his back next to you. Turning your head to face him, you lean closer and place a gentle kiss to his bicep. A short breath leaves his nose and he smiles with his eyes closed.

Sitting up next to him, you look down at him, taking in his perfect body. His right shoulder stabbed with your claw-marks, skin glistening with a sheen of sweat. He opens his pretty eyes and looks up at you while stroking your arm with his fingers.

"Enjoying the view?" He asks lowly.

"Absolutely," You respond with a small smile. "I like this part."

"This part?" He repeats as his brows furrow together.

"After it all," You expand, hugging your legs to your chest. "There's a special kind of quiet. A nice one."

"I think the word you're looking for is peace," He says, trailing his fingers up and down your calf.

"Yeah," You whisper. "It's nice. I... I wish it could..."

He swallows thickly, knowing what you want to say without you having to say it. Knowing it all too well because it's what he wants, too.

"C'mere, nymph," He says, tapping your leg.

You lay back down and rest your head beside his, placing your hand on his chest. His steady heartbeat calms you.

"You're my girl," Bucky whispers, stroking your hair. "You'll always be my girl."

Clinging to him, you pray that he's telling the truth. Even if it's foolish to think so.

Eventually, you get off the bed, as much as you'd like to lay with him forever. "I'm going to that vending machine downstairs," You tell him. "I need more of those chips."

While you clean yourself up in the bathroom, Bucky pulls a pair of boxers on and sits on the edge of your bed. Your phone buzzes with another text and he sighs, before glancing at the closed bathroom door.

He can't help himself. He lifts up your phone and unlocks it to see it's already on your text conversation with Ari, and he's not happy with what he reads.

Ari

fuck, you look hot.

You

thank you daddy <3

Bucky sees red. His jaw clenches and he feels a raging fire burn within his core.

"Everything alright?" Your voice pulls him from his thoughts and he looks up to see you in one of his button-up shirts. Refusing to let you off so easily, even though all he wants to do is tell you how sexy you look, he stands his ground and gets up, glaring.

"You broke a rule," He utters simply.

Your heart skips a beat but you remain calm. Glancing down at the bed, you can see your unlocked phone is open on your texts. Fuck. With a casual shrug, you raise a brow. "I'm not allowed to talk to Ari now?" You ask flippantly.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about," Bucky states sternly, and you can tell his patience is wearing thin.

It isn't the first time you've seen him angry. There have been plenty of times when Bucky has ranted to you about work, or his wife, or one of the other owners. But you? He's never been angry at you before. You're terrified with no idea of how to navigate this situation.

"You know you're not allowed to call anyone else that," He goes on to say, making your stomach flip.

Fuck. Why did you ever tell him your password?

"It- it's nothing," You say, deciding to stick with the casual tone. "It's not that deep."

"Not that deep?" He repeats incredulously. "It's the one thing I asked you not to do."

"It's just a nickname," You insist. "I don't mean it the same way I mean it for you."

"Does he know that?" Bucky asks, his eye twitching as he thinks about you calling Ari daddy. That fucking bastard.

"Who cares?" You ask, getting irritated. "I can call him whatever I want. It's what he wants, what he likes."

"I think you're forgetting who's in control here," Bucky snarls, making your blood run cold.

"No," You counter firmly, narrowing your eyes at him. "I'm in control. That's why we did this; that's what you told me three years ago. Or was that a lie? All that shit about empowering me, that was just fucking bullshit to keep me happy?"

His eyes soften as he takes in your words. He's done the one thing he promised to never do - make you feel as though you weren't in control of your own body. "Y/N-"

"Fuck you," You spit, putting on a pair of shorts and shoes and grabbing your phone. "I'm leaving."

"I don't care," You say stubbornly, walking over to the car park. "I'm taking your car. You can get an Uber back."

"We're hours away from home," He points out while you pick up his keys before following you out of the room.

"To the city?" He asks with a scoff, watching you rush over to his BMW.

"You can afford it!" You yell bitterly, opening the door.

"Y/N, don't you dare get in that car," He booms with furrowed brows.

You stop, staring up at him over the door with a blank look on your face. "Watch me," You utter simply before getting in, slamming the door shut behind you, starting the car, and driving up the road.

He stands and watches, and you keep looking back at him in the rear view mirror. You get halfway up the road before you stop and pull over with a heavy sigh, unable to go any further.

It takes him a few minutes to reach the car. When he does, he opens the passenger door and gets in without a word.

For a second, you put your pride to the side and say, "Ari's not my favorite. You are. You know that."

After a few moments of silence, once its clear he isn't going to reply, you put the penthouse address into the GPS and start to drive again.

For an hour, you both go without saying a word. A heavy tension sits in the car with you, but neither of you addresses it. There are a few times you make a risky turn or go too far above the speed limit and you know it's killing Bucky not to say anything, but he just sucks in a sharp breath whenever you do something reckless.

When you see a diner on the side of the road, you immediately realize how hungry you are. Unable to go another two hours without food, you start pulling over.

"You hungry?" You ask him, parking up and turning the engine off.

Suddenly, Bucky turns his body towards you, takes your hand in his, and leans closer.

"I love you."

The words leave his mouth in a rushed fumble. Shocked, you part your lips but are unable to respond immediately. A few beats of silence pass before you can reply. "That's not allowed," Is the pathetic response your mouth spews out.

"I know," He utters lowly. "I know it isn't."

"So, what am I supposed to do with that, now?" You ask, closing your eyes, feeling an inexplicable rage bubbling up. How dare he just spring that on you like that? Sure, it's not the first time either of you have said the L word, but never as seriously as he just did. When he doesn't reply, you turn to look at him. "What the fuck do I do with that, Bucky?"

"I don't know," He sighs, resting his head back against the seat.

He's looking down at his lap, his brows furrowed together. His breaths have gotten a little heavier. His jaw clenches and he drops your hand.

"Baby," You mumble softly, turning your body to face him and placing your hand on his knee. "It's alright. I'm here."

Bucky swallows thickly, putting his hand on top of yours.

"You've got me," You promise, leaning closer. "I... I'm yours. And... you know. You know, James."

He looks up to meet your eyes, his gaze burning into yours. "Do I?" He asks with a whisper.

Your fingers tighten around his hand. "I'm your girl," You say.

"What does that mean?" He questions you.

You suck in a breath as your vision blurs. "It means I'm your girl, Jamie," You say stubbornly, terrified and not sure why.

"Just mine?" He whispers.

"Fuck, are you just mine?" You throw back at him as tears run down your face. "Why are you being weird? Why are you making this weird?"

"I just need to know," Bucky tells you.

"No, you don't!" You shoot back, furiously wiping away your tears. "We were fine, Bucky. It was fine. We didn't talk about it, we just ignored it, and it was fine."

"It didn't feel fine," He retorts. "It doesn't. It doesn't feel fine when I have to leave you there alone, when I have to go home, when I can't come and see you when I want to. When I need to."

"We pretend that it does, that's what makes this sustainable," You tell him. "That's the thing with mistresses, Buck, there's always a hometime. You think I feel fine when you leave? You think I don't lie there fucking crying 'cause I miss you so bad, knowing you've gone back to her? That you're sleeping next to her? At least that's what I fucking hope is all you're doing with her."

A pained look takes over his face and he shakes his head. "That isn't fine," He mutters gravely. "That's not what this was supposed to be. We were... it wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I know!" You exclaim. "That's why I pretend it isn't, Bucky. That's why I fuck the others, and it's why I talk to Ari, because I'm not allowed to just be yours. I can't be yours, Jamie." You sit back in your chair, sinking down as you deflate. "I'm just a... Bucky, I'm literally just an overpaid whore. I'm just something for you to lust after. You already have a person you've vowed to love forever, so there's no space for anyone else. Maybe if we met eight years ago, it would've been different. Well, I'm no smart scientist like her, but maybe my charm and wit would've been enough to win you over. It would've been different."

A silence sits between you. You watch as the traffic moves in front of you, the odd cars exiting and entering the car park. Patrons walking in and out, most of them alone.

"So, what now?" You ask once the silence is too loud to handle for any longer.

"I... I'm not gonna stop being in love with you, nymph. I can't," He says, and it makes your stomach flip.

A shaky breath leaves your mouth. "Then, you're an idiot," You say curtly. "I mean, who catches feelings for a hooker? You know how pathetic that is? To actually think it's more than just paid sex?"

"Don't fucking do that," He grumbles, glaring at you.

"You're an idiot!" You repeat. "You fell in love with a fucking sex toy. Who does that?"

"Will you shut the fuck up?" He spits, rage in his eyes. "Stop talking about yourself like that. Like you're not a person. Like you're not real. You're more than just your body."

"Oh, spare me the feminist bullshit," You say bitterly. "You put me up in a fancy penthouse, pay for me to get my nails done, and send other men to come and use me. I'm just your... employee. Not even just yours. I'm Ari's, Steve's, Sam's... all of them. I get fucked by someone else every week. For a price. Not cheap, by any means, but it's still a price. They use me and leave, and then I go shopping. And once a month, it's you. Just once a month, I'm yours for a night, two if I'm lucky. You fuck me. And then Monday comes and I'm fucking Thor. Isn't that romantic?"

"I know what you're trying to do," Bucky says flatly. "You can't stop me from loving you."

"I'm a whore," You remind him coldly.

"You're the woman I love," He counters.

"And you're a fucking idiot for that," You snap.

"I don't care," He utters. "I love you."

"I'm a human sex doll," You say blankly, staring out the windscreen.

"I love you," He repeats.

"I'm just your mistress, Barnes, you can replace me in a heartbeat," You point out, before sighing. "Maybe it's time to go home. To your wife." With that, you open the car door. "I can get an Uber from here."

"You're not going anywhere," He says, grabbing your arm when you start to leave.

You pull out of his grip and storm out of the car, slamming the door shut behind you. Bucky rushes out too, following you towards the diner.

"I'll sit inside and wait for my Uber. Don't worry, I'll be safe," You tell him flatly as you use your phone to call an Uber. "He's eight minutes away."

"Fuck that," He yells. "Get back in the car."

"No!" You shout back at him. "We're done, Bucky. It's over."

He falters, stopping in his tracks. "What does that mean?" He asks you.

You turn back to him, shaking your head. "It's fucked. It's all... it's done. I'm done. No more penthouse. No more sex. No more."

"Why?" He calls out, taking a few steps closer to you. "Because I love you?"

"Yes!" You all but scream. "Exactly that, Bucky, nail on the fucking head!"

"So, you don't love me back?" He shoots at you.

"That's not the point!" You say, feeling your legs tremor beneath you. "You're a married man - you're a public figure. You have a reputation to uphold. I don't give a fuck if people know about what I do for a living, but you'll lose everything."

"I don't have to," Bucky tells you. "I can cut the others off. Keep the penthouse for just us two."

You scoff. "We've been through this before, Bucky. I'm not depending on you for financial stability," You say stubbornly.

"You've got more than enough saved up to live off of without me," He points you. "It wouldn't be about the money."

"And, what? We have a secret relationship?" You ask him with narrow eyes. "We love each other in private, and you stay married? Fuck. That! I'm not doing that!"

"I can't lose you," Bucky says, shaking his head as panic fills his eyes. "I can't, because I love you."

"Then stop loving me!" You cry.

"I can't!" He retorts.

You stare at each other, both breathing heavily, both at a loss for words.

You cover your face with your hands and, under your breath, mumble, "What the fuck is happening?"

Bucky walks over to you and gently takes your hands away from your face. He then places his hands on your hips and pulls you closer to him, sending a shiver down your spine.

Without wasting another second, he leans in and marries his lips to yours. The kiss is short but sweet, and makes all your irritation dissipate. When he pulls away, he cups your cheeks in his hands. The look in his eyes seems different than usual - as though it's the first time he's really looking at you.

"Jamie?" You begin, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, baby?" He whispers back.

"I don't... I don't wanna do it anymore," You say sheepishly. "With the others. I wanna stop."

He nods. "Of course. Whatever you want," He promises.

"And... I don't know..." You trail off, shaking your head. "I don't know what to do after that."

"That's okay. We don't need to know right now," Bucky says softly. "We'll take it one step at a time. I'll talk to the others tonight. And when you're ready to decide what... what happens between us, I'll be waiting for you. And I'll do whatever you need me to do."

Although all you want is to ask him to come back to the penthouse with you and spend the night, you know that isn't the right thing to do. So you nod, looking up at him and resting your hands on his chest. "I'm really scared," You admit.

"You have nothing to be afraid of, my girl," Bucky assures you, bringing one of his hands up to your face. "There's no rush. No pressure. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here, I don't care how long I'm waiting for. I'll keep waiting. And the day you tell me what you want, I'll give that to you without hesitation. Whether it's me that you want, or... a fresh start, somewhere else. I'll give you whatever you need."

"Okay," You whisper, nodding. "Thank you, Jamie. I... I think my taxi's almost here, though, and I want to go home alone. I think that would be best." And lessen the chance of you asking him to come up with you.

He swallows thickly but nods, as much as he doesn't want to. "Okay," He accepts.

"I'm going to go into the diner and wait," You tell him. "And you're going to drive home."

Bucky winces, his jaw clenching for a second as he looks down.

"Is that okay?" You ask him.

"Go inside, and when it gets here, I'll drive behind you," He counters. "I won't get out the car. I won't even park up. I just want to make sure you get home safe."

Knowing that's the best deal you'll get from him, you give in. "Alright. I'm... I'm gonna go inside, then," You tell him, taking a step back.

Bucky looks back up, watching as you turn your back on him and make your way towards the diner. "Baby, wait."

You freeze in your tracks. Slowly, you turn back around to see him walking over to you. When he's in touching distance, he grabs you and pulls you into him before crashing his lips onto yours. You immediately melt into the kiss, allowing the comfort to wash over you.

When he pulls back, Bucky cups your face in his hands. "I just... before you go, I... I need to know, baby," He pleads.

"You know, Jamie," You reply sternly.

"I need to hear it," He clarifies. "Please."

It's hard, going against what you've trained yourself to do for so long. Hide your feelings. Don't be clingy. Never admit the truth. But when he's looking at you like that, practically begging you to be honest with him, having already told you his feelings numerous times in the last twenty minutes, you can't keep the words caged. Instead, you give them their wings.

"I love you, Jamie," You tell him, feeling a huge weight leave your chest, one you didn't even notice was there.

Bucky lets out a sigh, relief and hope replacing the anxiety on his face.

With that, you move out of his embrace and go into the diner, not sure whether you'll have the strength to let him just drive by the penthouse without coming up.

damn<3

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