Art Diaries 6: Getting Organized and Reflecting on the Last 6 Months
it's been about 6 months since I finally picked up the pencil again in ~3 years.
as I draw and make progress getting better at learning how to draw spy vs spy style and overall discover new tricks and tips and ways of thinking when I make art and watch helpful videos and read helpful books. I feel like im accomplishing so much and nothing at all at the same time. i'm making a lot of sketchings, but not a lot of artwork.
some of the most fundamental lessons I've learned so far:
★ unplug to think critically when you draw. (Richard williams) but also, it's not a sin to listen to music while you draw; you don't need to never listen to music while you make art ever again.
★ finish artwork. it's good to sketch and do lots of exercises, experimenting, and just drawing for fun. but my goal is to commit to creating highly memorable artwork I feel proud of, that I sunk a lot of effort into. I like to jump between projects a lot. but committing to finishing a piece I care about that I started will help build my confidence and give me a sense of accomplishment because I feel like I'm actually building a portfolio I can look back on and be proud of.
★ life studies are important (hahaha I haven't really.. done many yet.. and because of that I still feel really incapable of breaking the ceiling of taking my art from good to great because I'm unsure how to pose characters or unsure of gesture, value, perspective, composition, etc..)
★ timed art is super helpful for helping you realize what the most important characteristics are that should be captured. timed art also forces you to draw quicker, which forces you to use more confident strokes.
★ inking is super useful for identifying areas in how you maneuver the drawing utensil that need improvement. it's a careful craft that reveals much about your motor skills
★ don't be afraid when you draw. be daring in your art, be unapologetically you and make what you want. do not be afraid of "being cringe" and do not focus on the end product. the key is to express yourself, no matter what that looks like, no matter what people think. odds are people will fucking love it and it will always elevate your artwork.
★ don't upload doodles/incompletes/wips. personally, I think I could build more discipline and be incentivized to make more artwork if I just pick a sketch to polish and make into artwork instead, and then all the doodles I made beforehand that led to the creation of the art can be uploaded in the "keep reading" section of the post as doodles/concept art, or even to a separate doodle-art-account. nothing wrong with doodling, but I'm trying to make more things I'm proud of rather than rush jobs and jumping from project to project. quality over quantity. this has been a tough one for me to break!
★ get involved in an art community discord. a place where critiques can be exchanged is great, I wouldn't have come this far in learning about art if it weren't for little tips I received along the way that SIGNIFICANTLY elevate my art that I would've spent hours trying to research and stress over alone.
so to try and hone back in on my goal of creating more ART rather than SKETCHINGS, I'm currently going through all my phone photos, sketchbooks, socials, drafts, writings, of things I wanted to bring to life and stashing them all in a starred desktop folder. and starring the wip files in that folder. verrrry productive. ahh yes.. this process that does not involve making art will surely help me make more art.
but then, I will be taking it a step further and hang printed thumbnails of my WIPS on my bulletin board. I bought the bulletin board to plan out my little fan fiction but it can also serve as an art board to help me organize my top projects. I have this whole convoluted scheme of how to organize the art WIPS on the bulletin board by printing 3 papers. 1st paper will be a 9x12" gridded canvas in photoshop of thumbnails of my art WIPS (hung in view on the bulletin board and starred/marked as "comic project" or "painting" etc..). the 2nd paper will be google docs descriptions of the WIPS (hung behind the 1st paper). the 3rd paper will be of art fundamentals I want to work on such as gesture studies, value, perspective, and composition (which will have larger thumbnails indicating greater priority).
this is tooooootally productive!!!!
you know what else is productive!!!!!!
archiving!!!!!! archiving is veeeerry productive!!!!
I started archiving my old art @good-gremlin-archive when I decided to make a separate art-only blog @good-gremlin-art. more on that in another art diaries maybe.
something I noticed when I was looking back at the art I made when I was 12, is that I made a lot more finished pieces. my, did I take my sweet ass time. not one thought going through my head besides, "this is fun."
I thought: "how can I return to that??" is it as simple as not giving a fuck if anyone sees my art? I gave it my all when I had 0 followers! I didn't upload doodles and WIPS! I uploaded FINISHED ART! what do I need to do to get in the mindset I had as a child where I was focused on just finishing art pieces, and not frequently making unfinished doodles which is something I noticed I started doing as a teen and recently as an adult. why am I putting all this unnecessary pressure on myself??? I want to make strides towards my full potential, which is limitless of course, same goes for everyone. I always seem to have clarity when I step back and take breathers.. even just laying down for 15 minutes, some kind of answer seems to find me. suddenly, I have a good idea. but really, why do I have this sense of urgency, why do I feel rushed to make great things. how can I get back that childhood patience and zen. I feel like even lots of my childhood drawings were better than the kind of stuff I make today. it came from a completely uncensored place. now I care what people think of me. I stress over my presentation online but I stress way less about it irl. I want to be in the shadows, yet I want to be seen. I want to make people laugh with lighthearted silly comics, yet I want to tackle serious topics and provide great representation. I want to draw cute things, yet I want to draw horror. I want to master comic-making, yet I want to master animating and make short films. fuck... how do I do it all????? I guess it's discouraging that I can't do it all. and I have to choose between my babies, all my ideas.
I want to learn art fundamentals, learn how to make comics, learn how to play guitar, learn how to write songs, sing covers, learn how to animate on clip studio paint, learn how to make traditional cel animation, make original animated short films, use ms paint to mimic 2000s furry animation memes, draw nsfw, sculpt with clay, paint and add fur to sculptures, animate with stop motion paper dolls and sculptures, improve my digital painting, make video essays, write my fanfic, and on and on and on.
I have so many ideas, and so much motivation. but I have little patience, I panic if I make progress in one creative area but not another, and I don't like staying in one spot. commitment, discipline, and patience are skills i hope to strengthen in my draftsmanship studies.
my top goals starting out on this journey were to do timed gesture drawings, value studies/other art fundamentals for the purpose of learning how to make spy vs spy comics, hoping my studies of real life would translate into my cartoon art. yet, I also think: "I also want to redraw my old sparklecat, paint The Dog plushies, and develop my idea for an original comic." I may spend a lot of time finishing one thing, but then I can feel like time is being taken away from another thing I also value and love. so I try to doodle them, and then I get another idea, and then before I know it I have 20 new WIPS and haven't finished anything because I panicked and felt like I was missing out. so i need to stay focused.. and finish the things I started instead of constantly starting new WIPS or else I'll never finish many things, which is what I want to do. but currently, in this emotionally challenging phase of my life, it's hard for me to remain focused. to me, that feels like an excuse.
I have all this imaginary pressure on myself that like "oh I started art diaries and I told some people on the internet that I'm trying hard to learn perspective and do gesture and value studies." the stakes for me is that I don't want to betray myself by going back on my word and take a pause from trying to teach myself these things (which is reflected in what I report for art diaries). like, I haven't applied or practiced shit when it comes to perspective or value studies much. gesture studies and composition, I took itty bitty baby steps ONCE on separate occasions and that was about it. I felt guilty about it.
I'm borderline using art to cope at this point so I can't always handle the pressure I put on myself that comes with the challenge that is learning art fundamentals these days, right now in this present phase in my life. I know I can handle it MUCH better later on when im in a better place I pray to god and I have people in my life to support me. love you, online community, but online community could never replace the need for a village in waking life which capitalism has done everything to try and eliminate, leaving us to find ways to construct support systems for ourselves.
I never want to "give up," and I'm not trying to quit studying art fundamentals, I just really, have a slower pace, and I have some habits I need to break that are coming to light in this art journey. I know I can break the habits with more practice. I know I feel proud of myself even when I make a shitty perspective drawing or gesture drawing because I DID IT!! I proved to myself that I keep trying! but sometimes, i just find it comforting to sit in the rot for a little while. then I feel energized to try and tackle it again, before I know it. randomly, sometimes. I'm tackling it at a turtle's pace, and my progress isn't linear. I'm still doodling, not making art. but it's fine. I'm not giving up, but I am taking as many breaks as I need to to hold myself together.
the archiving process is great for when I feel like not doing anything. I know it's procrastinating on actually doing art challenges and slowing down the pace of my improvement because I'm not making art, but, really, I'm not sure if valuing the production of artwork is the right way to go about my little art journey. like I said, progress is not linear. and, I know the entire art process isn't always supposed to be enjoyable and fun. but archiving and dignifying my old art does help remind me of the fun I've had, what I've been through, and what I've overcome, and what I hoped for myself in the past. I think that's worth it, even if it's slowing down the pace in which I make progress for my little art journey. I shouldn't have to justify resting. I shouldn't have to feel guilty about resting. I just don't want to disappoint myself, or disgrace myself because I haven't followed through with what I said I was going to do.
but it's my journey, and it's ok if it isn't perfect. it's even ok if I go back on my word or don't complete challenges or deadlines I set for myself. it's even ok if I stop drawing. I'm not a failure, I'm just overwhelmed.
it can be really easy to be mean to yourself in situations like this. but really, if there's one thing my dad taught me, is to not create stress for yourself. I can challenge myself on days where I feel capable. sure, I'll be improving at a slower pace. but at least I'll be improving because I keep trying. I'll surely improve :)
I at least got really better at drawing spy vs spy!!!! but it reminds me of my old drawing habits from my teen days, where I would just draw cartoons over and over again to improve my art style while not also disciplining myself to dedicate time to enhancing my fundamental technical and observational skills which could be done through still lifes and help really expand my horizons. graduate me from "doodler" to "artist."
sure I haven't disciplined myself as much as I'd have liked to these past 6 months. and sure I don't see myself potentially emotionally equipped enough to tackle the challenges I wanted to tackle this year in the remaining 6 months of the year. but I don't care. I have to realize I have years to keep trying to learn (well hopefully), and I am NOT going to MASTER fundamentals overnight, or even in 6 months. I am not enrolled in an art program, I am enrolled in the school of life. and its schooling me hard right now holy shit
also, I was really rusty, this is the first time I started drawing seriously again since I took a 3 year hiatus during my undergrad years getting my bachelors degree. sooooo im just trying to give myself some grace, have some patience, and trying not to think of this all as justifying "my lack of discipline" or reasoning "for being lazy and not challenging myself." because I have challenged myself. sure I still feel a little trapped in the "doodler" stage rather than "artist" stage. but im sure adding extra pressure and blaming myself won't get me anywhere, so I'm just going to continue having grace with myself, and I hope letting people in on my thought process was helpful for them, if they also have been feeling guilty about not making as much progress as they would have liked to on their art journey or some other area in their life. thank you for reading if you read this, and good luck on your art journey x
