Goldie

The school is peacefully quiet this evening. The sun pressed warm kisses against Violeta's cheek through the mirror reflection, casting a warm golden light over the room. Xavier searched his desk drawers, looking for something specific. Violeta took notice of the contusions rummaging sounds of flipping papers, opening drawers, and the occasional puzzled hums.

"Did you lose somethin'?"

She softly questioned, leaving her seat beside Xavier's desk she set her textbook and small note down on the desk edge. Her gaze skimmed over the dark wooden surface of the desk, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. She was sure she set everything in the right places just like every morning. What could he be lookin' for? She thought, now trying to decipher what he could be looking for so eagerly.

"Oh, it's nothing important. Just seeing if I can remember where I left it."

"But.. if it's not important. Why look for it?" She raised one brow at him, confused but curious to why he's continuing to look. Then again what is that he would want to find again just to lose it. Her hand moved behind her neck to subtly scratch a small spot.

"Wouldn't you still look for something you lost before just to find if it's still there? Maybe even trace back your steps?" He stopped his search, now looking up at the puzzled expression that set itself on Violeta's face. She stammered mentally trying to think of what to say. An opinion at most but her mind seemed empty. She doesn't notice how her vision blurred or the high pitched ringing going through her head.

Xavier noticed her distant gaze, those empty crimson red orbits staring off to the void. He waited just a moment to see if she could get out of this state herself this time. Eventually, he makes a sharp knock against his desk. She glanced away from him, taking a sweep of her eyes across the room. Only to look back at him confused at what he had asked her before or what they were talking about.

"Um, yes?"

"What did you lose to search for again?"

She looks at him for a second before once again looking away. She knows he's onto something, but she can't help how his question stammered her thoughts. It almost hurts trying to answer him or even just think. She didn't even notice how long she's been thinking right now. What should I say? I can't think of anything. Why can't I think of anything?

"Violeta?"

"Hm?."

"Did you lose something?" Xavier spoke softly to her. She can see his method of trying to seek out what she can't remember. Something in her aches. Making her feel ill, anxious, and guilty over something she can't remember.

"I don't know, I don't know what it could be by this point.." She admitted in a faint mummer, the sinking feeling rested heavily in her throat and chest. She doesn't notice the cold touch her fingertips now hold. It was an odd feeling. Yes, she knew how saddest felt and anxiety, but this feeling was like drowning in thick water without a way to escape.

"Do you recall what it could be?"

"I.. uh-.. no, sir."

She watches his expression slowly shift to concern. She knows he's thinking, answering his own question with more questions and theories, and she's just following along despite feeling like she wants to pull away. She doesn't know what else to do besides follow along.

A few days go by since the session with Professor Xavier. Even then she still couldn't come up with a response nor a thought to his questions. Even Jean made her attempt to figure Violeta out, but Violeta sees Jean has a different reasoning to be questioning her. Violeta almost always feels her fiery gaze on her anywhere she goes. Even when Violeta does as told by Professor Xavier and Scott, she seems to never shake off Jean's gaze. Violeta doesn't believe she's doing anything wrong. She follows everything she's told to do, every step, agreements and disagreement, but it never seems to satisfy Jean.

She couldn't understand what it could be. Even now while she's cooking with Jean's assistants. Her lip quivered, wanting to say something but feeling it's not the right moment, but she needed to be sure.

"J-Jean, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's bothering you?"

"Um, nothing too concerning, just curious about what you think about the mission next week with me coming along."

Violeta spoke softly, now regretting speaking as she watched Jean dice the freshly skinned potatoes. Violeta's gaze remained on the chopping board while she kneaded the seasoned ground meat in the silver bowl. The kitchen is well lit from the afternoon sun, thankfully it won't be hot out this time so it saves them from overheating in the kitchen. Jean hummed into a sigh while continuing her dicing.

"It'll be busy that's for sure, but I think as long as you don't tire yourself out. We'll be fine. Are you nervous?"

"A bit."

"What are you thinking?"

Jean pauses her work on the potato, setting the knife down beside the cutting board. She looks up at Violeta's eyes. Violeta meets her gaze from the other side of the kitchen counter. There's that feeling again. It strikingly baffles her mind in a clear shot.

"Uh, it sounds busy.. with Mystic and the rest of her friends."

"We'll just need to be careful around them, but we'll make it through just like always. I mean it'll be better than just being our medic on the field, right?"

"Right.."

"Is something wrong?" Jean leans against the counter, resting her hand in front of her on the counter top surface. Her lips parted in a slight smile followed by how her head subtly tilted to her right. She noticed Jean's emerald eyes skimmed over her crimson eyes, likely searching for something she couldn't find.

"No.., why?"

"Just asking, you're so quiet it's hard to pinpoint how you feel about things. Were you.. always like that?"

"Uh.. not that I can recall. Just been this way since living with Magneto."

Jean nodded, her gaze slowly descended to Violeta's hands. How the small scares patterned over her skin- with a story waiting to be told. Violeta watches with a slight frown of suspicion. She shifted her hands out of view, overlapping her less scared hand on top of her left hand. Jean's eyes return back up to meet Violeta's.

"Figured.., Anyways, I got the sheet pan ready for the meatloaf. It was nice cooking with you, Vi."

"Oh, Thank you. M-maybe later on we can make dinner together, if you want to."

"Sure, then we can talk more about the mission."

Jean gives Violeta a friendly smile, before stepping away with the freshly diced potatoes. Violeta carefully forms the ground meat into a loaf shape then wrapped it into foil, and lastly carefully setting the wrapped loaf on the sheet pan. Maybe talking to Jean would make her less suspicious of me. Maybe she can stop watching over me like a hawk, but still it doesn't answer why she doesn't trust me fully like the others. At least with them they're not as alert with me as she is. She thinks, not noticing Jean's thoughtful gaze watching over her as she sets the panned meatloaf in the heated oven. By the time Violeta finally straightened up again. She sees Jean is no longer in the kitchen with her. The room is empty again with the only sound being the boiling pot of potatoes.

Suddenly a pained hum slips from Violeta's lips. An almost stinging or even close to a burning pinch struck her head. Ugh.., another headache this week? When can I just get a normal day? She leaves the kitchen in quiet steps, swaying slightly up the stairway to her bedroom hoping to lay her head down to rest. The headaches could've been from exhaustion she's been experiencing lately, yet they seem to happen almost every time she's around Jean or Professor Xavier. Violeta's fingertips carefully caressed against her warm heated temple. It didn't help that the pinching pain had spread from her right temple to the whole front of her forehead, at least it was some sort of comfort even if it was little to no help. Her sluggish steppes finally made their way into her bedroom. She didn't have much to decorate her bedroom besides the already existing furniture when she moved in a couple months ago. Stepping into her simple room, her sleepy gaze finds a few items that aren't hers. A deck of cards with a unique hearts and bows design theme, a cow plushie with a soft and thick fluffy pink blanket, and lastly one item she thought she had lost in Brotherhood. A bow covered in white laced flowers woven into the dark green fabric.

Stepping closer to her neatly made bed where all the items rested. She hesitantly reaches out to the bow, her breath stills, much less than her trembling hands. Her gaze traced over the delicate lace flower petals before her fingertips could. A silence takes over the room, something of familiarity lingers in her mind as she holds the bow in her hands, holding with care like a snowflake she held many times, but never this careful. She stood with a soft frown. A feeling draws her out from reality pulling her into an abyss swallowing her whole greedily. A static wave washes through her causing her to forget about the pain she once felt earlier. She knew who gave her this gift. Now and from before. However, before she could think of anything else the room began to spin, the air felt thick with heat. The once bright lit room began to darken within seconds until her eyes finally rolled back without her command. Her body falls unconscious onto her bed once the unseen matter consumes her into a forced slumber.

Later that late evening, Violeta wakes up from her unconscious state, feeling dazed yet confused and eased from her earlier tensions. Slowly sitting up with the green bow still in hand. Her thoughts return to the topic of the bow, yet now she simply can't bring her thoughts from its fog. Wondering what else she can remember from the past. She thinks of everything and everywhere that may hold memories for her, but at last she comes to another sleepy dead end and decides to go for a walk. Desperately needing to wake up from this draining feeling for this new memory. Violeta leaves the manner on to a long and far walk. Arriving at her special spot on a beach side.

Approaching the heated sand with a small drag of her boots, she stood at the sea sores' glissing waves, skies painted in warm hues of red and deep blues with shy stars peeking over the cotton clouds. Waves calmly rolled in with the salt breeze, barely enough to blow a leaf away from where it falls. She stared off into the horizon of the waves, how they lazily move in one. It's alluring, a call to something she can't recognize, still something she can't grasp onto yet. She shifted closer, one step at a time, interrupting the waves pattern with her boots as she moved forward. However, her movement pauses with hesitation, her mind telling her to stop while her gut encourages her to keep moving.

Thinking back to Xaviers' words, she searched the beach, searching for what she could've lost. Searching for other memories. The dark green bow rests in her hand with a delicate hold. What if this isn't the right palace? Or maybe this is just another blank space to just forget about. What memory would even lie here of all places? She thought, releasing an annoyed sigh of her inability to recall any further details before everything fell dark.

"Why should I even bother looking? Is it even worth fighting for.. just to remember and then what? Just to fight again and again for different teams. ...Be used and then left behind?" She sighed, raking her fingers through her red and white curls. Her gaze slowly moved from the horizon. Something is pulling at her to move closer. Still she can't think of what it could even be. She can't recall anything from the horizon without getting a static feeling all over again.

"Maybe.., I like swimming? ..But I rarely do that after the last time. What.. else do people do on a beach?" She mummers into whispers as she turns around, facing the opened body of sand. She thinks over a few lists of things people do on the beach from the sand to the water, but none she can ever recall doing. Either way she continues to think of various activities someone may do on a beach day. From partying to relaxation, from the depth of the waters to the heated sand for volleyball. Her mind becomes a test of history, running every book and movie she seen to picture a scene. If old cartoons were true to nature then she would see the black steam coming from her ears.

After several hours of turning her mind over, she settled down on the warm sand, legs stretched out and mentally fatigued from dead ends. She thought about the beach, so surely there would've been a reason to be here. She could think of other activities or scenarios that could happen on the beach or..., this could've been all for nothing. Just another impasse-another reason to believe why she can't have her memories. Another reason to believe it's pointless just as much as she is to the team. Her gloved hands rest loosely in her lap as a lost, defeated gaze sets its place under her fallen gaze. She slowly traced her thumb over the white lace bow she held, lightly grazing her fingertip over the carefully stitched flower design. Her brows deepen while her hold loosened. Her vision becomes blurred with tears glossing over her wistful stare, making her look up, not wanting them to fall this time.

Upon looking up at the dazzling light of small flames illuminating the deep sapphire skyline like a sea from above. She sees the sparkling stars of various colors, taking a moment in awe to admire each one of them and its beauty. How they look like diamonds sparkling far away in the vast ocean of space. In peace, how she wants to know how that feels. Like a star continuing to burn without bursting to its new state of life. She slowly lets herself lay back against the warm sand, letting it be her cushioned blanket from the chilling breeze. She eyed over the various constellations, one thing she could lose and find again, over and over again. Then she sees it, those vivid constellations far in the distances. The static feeling starts again but this time she ignores them; even if they grew stronger. She slowly sat up before carefully standing. She moved closer, the memory of those stars, just those three stars alone made her quake.

Her throat became tight after exhaling her last breath. Fragments of memories tried to flood in all at once; making her head ache just as much as her chest. Her eyes widened in realization, cold waves rushed down nerves, causing her systems to freeze on command. The static feeling wasn't just a feeling anymore-It was a forcing hold against her. Her vision blurred while burning movie taps rushed through her. She sees: faces, places, and a yard with more than enough space. She took a needed breath that was more like a hushed gasp before it all went quiet. Not a wave could be heard. Not even a ringing tone in her ear could be heard. Her mind began flashing white light like ragging thunder for a moment in the void. Red clouds fogged her thoughts and choked her lungs like a plague.

Then everything went black.

She can hear voices but she knows she's alone. The voice doesn't match anyone she knows. It's faint now, a whisper in her ear.

"Don't worry, we'll see each other again. Just get some rest and I'll call tomorrow." The voice was a blur. Echoing in the abyss, yet a foreign comfort. A promising trust from all the others lies in the world. Soon the voice is gone like wind.

Everything is quiet.

It's still dark in the void. Not a single light flashing as before.

Her body laid cold on the shoreline, the only warmth being the red stream slowly trickling down her nose, pooling against her cheek and staining the sand against the side of her face. The salt water washed against her head, soaking her calico hair in the looks of spilled paint.

Long hours had passed as the morning light began to rise, the warm rays spilled through shut curtains. Violeta began to stir, she knew this wasn't her bed. There's no way she would ever smoke cigars like this man does. At least he kept his bed cozy enough to be comfortable. Her eyes flutter open to the darkly dim room, dark smokes rolling out through the window from the corner of the room. Sitting in that corner by the window was a short but muscular man. Just by his gaze he was a serious man but nothing cold like some would assume. She knew he can be grumpy most of the time, but he was wise from his long years through the decades.

"How's your head?" a gruffed voice breaks through the silence. Logan stayed lounging in his recliner, laid back and legs spread out without care. The cigar stayed nuzzled between his lips. If she was half asleep right now she would have mistaken the blue eye man as a smoke breathing dragon. She brushed a strand of white curl behind her ear as she shifted in her spot to sit up right.

"A little sore..." She took a glimpse of him from the corner of her eyes before her gaze dropped to her hands, seeing they were empty. In a bit of panic her eyes quickly searched around her. Discreetly feeling her jean pockets while her vision dashed towards his side table by his bedroom door. A cold chill slowly crawled down her neck to the pit of her stomach, her steady heart was now dashing against her ribcage with demands to leap out. She pulls the covers off her legs, tossing the quilt to the side in search of her bow.

"U-uh, Logan wher-" Her voice trailed off once his voice came over hers, causing her to freeze in place.

"Relax, Snow. I put it in your room." He said through a dark puff of smoke, reassuring her frantic mind. She looked over to him with slight ease in her chest at his effort of soothing her anxious nerves.

"The green bow?." She softly asked, just to be sure that's what he's referring to.

"Yeah." He took another long drag from his cigar, holding in the smoke like it's supposed to add flavor. Eventually, he'll slowly blow the smoke out the window before speaking again.

"Put it in your room after dropping you here." He shifted his light blue eyes over to her wide doe eyes. She noticed his gaze making a sweep over her frame and scares. Self-consciously she adjusted her gloves over her scared wrists away from his gaze.

"How come you didn't just put me in my room?"

"'Cause you're heavy to carry?" He raised a brow as he put out his cigar in the ash tray.

"Too much for your small self?" She muttered quietly, moving off the bed as Logan huffed a chuckle. He watches over her for a moment longer before pushing out of his seat, pottering over to her side all while his blue eyes wander over her face.

"Are you sure you should be standing?"

"I don't see why I shouldn't?" Her gaze lowered towardsLogans's level, brow raised with a soft frown. Unsure of his weary expression he tried to cover.

"Just don't overwork yourself now that you're up, and stop going out without sayin' anything to anyone.. Or at least leave a note or somethin'. What were you doing out there anyways?"

Violeta relaxes her gaze but still holds a bit of speculation. Did she miss something earlier when she was asleep? All she did was sit down in the sand and from there she must have drifted off from the warm sand. All while looking at the stats, they were pretty that night.

"Just star gazing.." She earned herself a huffed growl from Logan as he stepped in front of her.

"With a bloody nose? Snow, you think I'm clueless? Who was there?"

"No one, It was just me there. I wasn't followed or ambushed and yes, I stayed out of open views. Before you ask, no, I'm not having any trouble with the others."

"So you just coincidentally passed out with a bloody nose, is that what you're saying?"

"Well no.. I didn't realize I had a bloody nose or.. I just fell asleep."

"We really got to get you checked out. You should let us too. I told you Hanks is good at what he does." He offers. Violeta glanced away at that thought, slightly biting her bottom lip with a squamish look.

"I'm.. fine, Logan. This is just a one time thing anyways." She anxiously picked at her gloves. Her breathing slows while a sick feeling sinks down her throat to the pit of her stomach. She knows Logan can hear her heart slowing, how her lungs felt like it may burst.

"Bleeding out your nose or passing out by the water? One of those things hasn't just been a one time thing, Snow." He folded his muscular arms over his broad chest. A stern gaze makes its place known on his face. Dark brows narrowed with a hint of softness to them. Violeta kept her gaze down, her thumb working in rough caress on her right hand knuckles.

"I just need more rest, that's all." She hesitates to add more but freezes. Her lips shut in a thin line.

"At least a check up. It'll just be five minutes."

Violeta quickly shakes her head with a quiet mumble even Logan couldn't hear. She swiftly stepped around Logan and made herself scarce from the room. Suddenly she was tugged back to him, his grip wasn't rough but still firm with a gentle edge.

"Vi." a low hum rumbled through his chest he looked at her even if she was looking away. Lost again in a new thought. Her eyes stayed fixed on the floor boards. Finding the grooves of the wooden board is more important than the idea of getting checked up.

"Not right now, Logan. I'm not ready to go to that place yet-"

"Why?"

"I can't remember.. But I know it's not a good feeling."

"What can you remember? Besides the brotherhood. Besides Magneto's lessons."

"I told you before there's nothing else! What do you expect me to say?"

"Hmph, guess nothin'.. Still, it doesn't hurt to try to at least go near the lab. Can't risk you passin' out during missions like you do." He releases her arm, letting his hand return to his side. She watches his gaze drop from hers, guilt began to seep in from her outbursts. She didn't mean to, but it was already done from what effect it may have caused.

"I'm just... I'm not ready yet." Her mummer was quiet again, softer than before.

"I'll go with you if that's what you need."

"Does that make you feel better, too?" She tilts her head to the side. The corner of her lips slightly lift to a soft smile. Logan huffed but couldn't help a slight smile.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, I was just offering to the chicken here" He playful jab at her previous anxious feeling.

"If you knew the feelings I get then maybe you'll understand why I wouldn't go near any lab."

He sighs with a slight tilt of his head. Violeta crossed her arms over chest. Her brows narrowed just a bit to cause soft creases. Even her foot gave a small stomp to her offense.

"Relax Snow, just messing with ya. But really, you need to face it for your own good. Even if it scars you to the bone. You can't run from everything just because it scares you or hurt you in the past. You're somewhere new now. Not every place will be the same as the last and if it is then you should know how to handle it to get past it."

"...What if I don't know how to? Even if I had the courage to face it, how would I even know what to do to protect myself if I can't even remember the past?"

"Then don't run into situations too quickly. Walk into them instead. At least that way you'll have time to back out."

In a quiet whisper she spoke, gaze lingering to the floor again. "Wouldn't that make me a coward?" There was a pause between them. For just a moment before the grumpy man suddenly spoke into a softer tone.

"No, ..it doesn't make you a coward for making smart choices just to avoid unnecessary risks." His hand hesitated for a moment in silence before he reluctantly let it rest on top of her shoulder. Violeta took a glimpse at him, a weary look compared to his gentle gaze over her. He sighed at her doe eye look and the slightly quivering bottom lip. He pulled her into an embrace. Despite their height she lowered her knees just enough to rest her cheek against his shoulder.

"I'm.. I'm scared. I don't, I don't want to go to the lab." She mumbles, letting her arm rest around his back in a loose hold.

"...We'll figure something out for you. We just can't leave you like this."

"Is there something wrong with me?"

A soft chuckle rumbles from his chest. "Maybe, we won't know until you let Hank help you."