The Daily Times, New Philadelphia, Ohio, July 9, 1924
whoever wrote this paper has the funniest phrasing possible
happy turtle bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river day for those who celebrate


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@goldenslaughterer
The Daily Times, New Philadelphia, Ohio, July 9, 1924
whoever wrote this paper has the funniest phrasing possible
happy turtle bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river day for those who celebrate

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I thought a new palette had dropped
do you love the color of the moon
talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before
whoever said all-nighters are exhausting is a liar i'm doing great. i've never felt better in my entire life, the birds are chirping as they welcome me into the gates of morningdom
a tall god sits so patient and still, the maskflies all see it as a perch atop a hill.
数えさせてくれない
They won't let me count

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Minako Ota (Japanese, 1965) - Brown Jellyfish (2022)
For a fun activity, the teacher in the classroom I volunteer for put together a multiple choice Kahoot game made up of questions the kids submitted. Questions could be anything. They played it at the end of class.
First question was "What kind of animal are sharks? [Fish, Mammals]". The student who submitted the question had the wrong answer as correct [Mammals]. Uproar. Immediately the leaderboards are filled with the kids who got it wrong.
"Are they any colors that start with Q? [Yes, No]" Answer was no. Indignant kid from back "Go to the paint aisle in Home Depot I promise you there's a color that starts with Q."
Dick questions. "If you choose an answer at random, what are the odds you get this question right? [25%,25%,50%,100%]" except the teacher filled it in wrong when adding it to the Kahoot and only put one "25%" among the 4 answers so it did, in fact, have a right answer.
Opinion questions. "Which is better, Summrs or Autumn? [Summrs, Autumn]" Autumn was the "correct" choice
Another question NEARLY identical to the above, right down to the misspelling. A class meme, maybe…?
Questions like "When is my birthday?"
Never seen a group of 14-year-olds so ready to murder each other. Really good activity.
Yesterday night a lady came through our drive through and was like “the way the planets are aligning and the fact that we’re getting a blood moon has me worried. I sense severe werewolf activities on the horizon. You better walk your coworker to her car tonight after you’ve closed” and I didn’t even know what to say I was just like “yes ma’am”
You heard that and just went <END DIALOGUE>
This is why I always recommend having an emergency cheese. Mine is parmesan.
wonder woman out here still saving lives
"Oh, you amuse me so..."

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wait. tag with your favourite video game piece of music. if i had to pick one, i'd probably say wanderlust from ffxv.
hades and persephone except [tells it worse than ever before/the same as every other modern adaptation]
#haded and persephone except its demeter selling persephone to one direction @nil-number How does it feel to be the funniest motherfucker alive
I started volunteering at this farm share program a couple years ago, where I help pass out boxes of veggies in exchange for some veggies for myself, which is great for a broke grad student but it led to me creating truly the most visually ABHORRENT meal I have ever made in my life.
I got some purple carrots, right? And I was excited because they're (A) free carrots and (B) they're purple, which is not something you see often. They taste just like regular carrots, so after devouring one to test the flavor, I decided that I'd use the rest in an upcoming batch of chicken soup.
MISTAKE. THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
You see. The thing about purple carrots is that their purpleness does not stay in the carrot when you leave it in a crockpot for like, six hours. The purpleness goes into the soup. It goes into the soup, where it turns the chicken purple. And the onions purple. And the celery, and the garlic, and the noodles, and any other thing you could possibly have put in that soup, varying shades of Very Purple.
I made a GIGANTIC pot of this soup that turned out toxic purple-brown, with individual components stained various ludicrous colors of purple (the noodles were a bafflingly nice shade of lilac) and it was the most dubious thing I've ever eaten. I took this soup to work. My coworkers were so confused and repulsed and I had explain that no, this is actually just soup, just regular chicken soup, but accidentally tie-dyed by the addition of two (2) purple carrots.
And you wanna know the real kicker as I explained all this? The carrots? The formerly purple carrots?
They ended up green.
I did it again, y'all. Accidentally turned my pasta pink by using rainbow chard. I clearly have a very SPECIFIC type of curse
the way people online talk about autism is getting really weird, like do they know that neurotypicals still have interests? that someone being passionate about a hobby doesn't mean they're autistic? you guys know that right
and people are like "its just jokes its not that deep" but when you have people on tiktok convincing teenagers that having music in your head is a sign of autism or saying their nephew is autistic because he talks about minecraft all the time it doesn't feel like a joke it just feels trivializing

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nothing in the world makes me more evil than just being kind of annoyed
me when i'm in genuine agonising distress: i'm so sorry if i'm bothering you with my childish histrionics :/
me when i'm just in a bit of a bad mood: i hope hydrogen bombs fall on every living thing in the universe
YOU are a neurotypical cisgender woman. going about with your latte and such
[obediently] I am a neurotypical cisgender woman. Going about with my latte and such
new worksona brainwashing mantra just dropped