something about the truth
iba ung pregnant fatigue, its not like hindi ko naeenjoy ung pregnancy journey. i love the little things na dumadating or naeexperience ko right now with it. props to my partner. i love him and sobrang thankful ko sa lahat ng ginagawa nya para samin. i know nakakapagod yung setup namin but still he makes sure na we're being taken care of.
kaya despite everything my family is putting me through, lalo na ngayon, there's this light beyond the cave type of thing ako na nilolook forward and that's the family that we're building.
30 weeks into this, i just had my ultrasound for my gdm to check if gigantic na ang bagets. pero wala nabanggit na concering. he's weighing 1.4kgs and very normal and ok for the age. and its a boy.
still, nakatira parin ako sa parents ko bec this was unexpected but hindi ako prepared sa gymnastics and stress nito sa akin. its like it quadrupled. yun talaga yung price to pay for free rent. good thing na hindi ako high risk. i cried a lot of times sa gabi asking why is this happening particularly to me like wala bang pwedeng ibang tumangke muna nito, worried din ako if the bagets can handle my stress. thank god, he is healthy hanggang ngayon.
it's been 3 mos since sinabi namin sa parents ko about this, and alam mo ung binackread kong post dito, i think its the prev post.. bigla kong narealize na maybe they aren't really as happy as i thought they would be. like alam ko naman ugali nila, pero i can't shake the feeling na hindi parin nila tanggap up to now kasi we've been fighting still because of money and boundaries.
3 mos of me not paying the entire expense sa bahay, and nag-ask ako ng help for it. its not even hindi ako magpapay e, i just asked na maabsolve muna sa kuryente and maghati kami ng family ko doon. they proposed na magpakabit ako ng submeter because they keep on blaming me for the 12k-15k bill. naka-ac kasi ako palagi bec of the heat. the rest of the utilities and groceries, ako parin nagpapay. i just wanted some ease kahit kaunti for the electricity bill bec i can handle ung other stuff. saving up and paying for everything is so hard. ayoko magkulang for the child birth. i hate borrowing money. but apparently, they hate me more because of the boundary na sinet ko.
i explained my situation ng paulit-ulit like, i'm saving up for the delivery, for baby stuff, for future baby stuff after birth like the vaccines and pedia visits, and nagpprep ako for 3 mos of no salary because i'm on mat leave. i've been really systematic and thorough pagdating dito because i dont want any expectation na i can provide the same amount like nung hindi pa ko with child. pero both of my parents are not happy with it kaya they refuse to hear whatever i have to say.
so this wk lang, my mom asked na wag ko muna sundin ung submeter ko. she was asking me to pay half of the electric bill parin. its 13k, my bill is 4.6k. its like magaabono ko ng nasa 2k-3k. tinanong ko kung bakit, and she said may babayaran kasi sya sa inuutangan nyang app. so sabi ko, sige pero sisingilin ko dad ko ung iaabono ko kasi sa july 15 we plan on shopping for the baby. and sabi nya sige daw. i explained this to my dad saying na i'll let this slide and magbabayad ako pero they seriously need to pay. sinabi ko rin ung sinabi sakin ng mom ko about it na may babayaran sya and ung part na mazezero daw kasi ung mom ko kapag nagpay na sila ng kuryente.
my dad was mad MAD ganon. sumugod talaga sya paguwe nya sa mom ko, asking kung bakit nya ginagawa yung ganyan at ginugulo ung setup ng expenses sa bahay. parang dun sa sinasabi samin ng mom ko, pinapalabas nya na kulang magbigay ung dad ko sakanya wherein fact lahat nga ng money ng dad ko ay nasa kanya.
sinabi ng dad ko ung truth abt sa binibigay nya sa mom ko, and its around 10k every month. ang kwento ng mom ko ay 4k every month lang. cinonfront sya talaga sa harap namin so wala ng ma-ireason out ung mom ko about it. tinatanong din ng dad ko kung bakit gusto nya ko humati pa sa kuryente kahit na may submeter na ko, and sabi ng mom ko sakanya "hayaan mo masanay magbayad ng half", my dad refused and ayaw nya tanggapin ung reason na magbayad ako ng half kasi hindi naman daw sya nagkukulang sa pagbigay sa kuryente. it should have been paid along with my part. wala naman dapat aabonohan sana kung hindi nya kinukupit.
ako naman, di ko magets ung part na masanay ako magbayad ng half; ever since magwork ako i've been shouldering the entire house expense and its like 7 yrs ago. what does she mean na masanay ako magbayad ng half e sanay ako magbayad ng buo? and hindi ko rin sya magets na nagddrama sya sa kapatid ko na since half nalang binabayaran ko sa kuryente, dapat nagbibigay na ako sakanya because magaan na sa akin. this person literally missed the point. ung absolution ng kaunti sa kuryente, ilalagay ko sa savings. gusto mapunta sakanya.
this has been a whole fight, buong tanghali. my parents are lying to me, kaya mabuti narin na present kaming lahat nung naguusap. i've been really stressed because of this tapos nakakahurt na talagang intentionally nilang ginagawa sa akin to, knowing na i've explained to them yung situation. hindi naman ako nagkulang dun as part na iinform sila about my financial situation. naiisip ko ngayon na siguro naiintindihan naman nila, pero they just refuse to cooperate. ayaw lang lang nila talaga ko bigyan ng break. ayaw lang talaga nila kong tulungan.
i lost count dun sa mga oras na i cried to my partner about how my parents treat me, as if i exist lang to pay their stuff. ni hindi nga nila ko tinatanong about how's everything going? ni hindi sila nagcacare sa welfare ko.
kaya we've both decided na magtiis muna ko for a yr siguro until the baby and my job is manageable then lilipat na kami ng place. i just dont want to deal with this truth anymore; na minsan ung sarili mong family ung kalaban mo kahit wala ka namang ginawa sakanila kundi maging mabuti.













