disquieting muse

Just went into the rabbit hole of old asks & messages and feeling a big rush and swell of warmth for the community that I had here, especially at university (which makes me feel a bit sick at the passage of time).

Keep writing!! Have followed you since your Cambridge days and I love you and your style and hearing about what you’re up to stay strong because you’re one of a kind ❤️

I’ve just had a tiring run, from overtime to christmas events to trying to make my project a reality... the result of which is a several day emotional hangover. that was partly accompanied by a real hangover caused by downing double gin and tonics whilst joining my coworkers to dance to sandstorm by darude. really. I’m just filled with so much self doubt and the most exhausting comparison of myself against my peers. i had a shit meeting with lawyers and then i had a rejection from someone who might have given the project money and then i went to my part-time job where i got told i’m exceptional and great, but somehow i’ve let my ‘making money job’ take over my goals and wishes for my ‘passion project’. there’s probs a deeper political point to be made here, but i’m too sad to think about it, and i think a lot about what could be achieved if i was working on it full time.*