Monster Island

the Vulcans, who have been friends with humanity for years but don't seem to actually like them all that much, instead regarding them with a sort of perverse fascination usually reserved for virology labs

the Andorians, who were fighting the Vulcans for like a hundred years

the Tellarites, who don't like any of these people and whose cultural trait is arguing, and

humans, whom nobody knew existed until last century when they shot themselves into space on a heavily modified nuke, invented world peace and won a fight with the nearest imperial superpower

Okay so imagine you're living on a street, and you and your neighbour have like... pretty decent, but wildly different houses. Yours is kind of a "this isn't a crack house this is a crack home" vibe, and the neighbours' place is very "excUSE me, you CANNOT park your car like that, it must be within 5 degrees of P A R A L L E L with the kerb, i'm going to report you to the police".

You fucking... you would be okay with getting along basically peacefully, except that you are goddamn CERTAIN that those little fuckos have been hiding hidden cameras in your pot plants? And they act like it's insane to say it, but they DO HAVE PREVIOUS ON THIS. They've done this shit before! They never actually key your car, but you do suspect they may have strategically removed the camera that watched your cars RIGHT BEFORE the local larrikin kids keyed it, and you can't prove collusion but that's DEFINITELY collusion right??

So you hate each other because they hate your charmingly goblincore aesthetic, and you hate the fact that they would like you file permission slips before you fart in public. It's been going for a while and, while you both hate it, it's also... weirdly cosy. It's The Routine. You'd miss it if it was absent, ya know?

And then some new guys rock up to the street.

These guys do not have a house. They have a goddamn caravan being dragged behind the most beaten up early 90's Holden Commodore you have ever seen. This shit has rust in places you weren't sure COULD rust. It definitely shouldn't exist, and you're not 100% sure if it's even road-legal, but you're not the kind of person to narc on a guy, you know?

And then! The fucking neighbours! Invite them to brunch?! HWAT?????

And it turns out that the neighbours are like, "yes we also grew up in a rolling hovel but by gosh we dragged ourselves up by our bootstraps, and we see good things in these bogan children, and that's why we're going to let them use our electrical hookup and fill their water tanks from our garden tap. Everyone meet the uh, is that pronounced hoo MAN or HOO mun? The HOOmuns."

And! What! The Fuck! Was that!!!

Anyway these little fuckos start poking around your trash cans... the neighbour's shed... basically everything really. They clearly have no idea what they're fucking doing, but they're also like, very clearly acting in good (if stupid) faith? They're actually quite sweet in a "get out of my veggie patch you fucking wombats" way.

And then they start poking around one of your pot plants and GUESS WHAT FUCKING DROPS OUT???

And they see this thing, that is clearly their friend's property and go...

...to YOUR door and say "I'm really sorry but I think my friends were extremely extremely shitty to you, here's proof, I'm so sorry, we're gonna... we're gonna go..."

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO NOW???

You were kinda expecting them to be assholes like the people who seem to have aligned themselves with them, but they were like... decent about it? And had 100x more class than the people who DEFINE themselves as being classy? How do you even approach that?!

And so you kinda have to respect them! And they keep fucking doing it! They have ONE GODDAMN SHIP but they repeatedly put themselves in danger for your benefit, for no reason other than they seem to have decided it's the nice thing to do. That just doesn't happen in this neighbourhood!! That's not a thing!!!!!

And

Then they buy a house. And it's kind of a dump but in a charmingly goblincore way that you respect and admire. But it's also got functional indoor plumbing in a way that your pencil-pushing frenemy neighbours also admire. And the lil scrappers can give ABSOLUTELY as good as they get regarding fights, which the asshole corner store owners who live down the street ALSO admire.

And they ask you, "hey"

"Hey mate"

"Wanna hang out on Fridays and play Pathfinder?"

"I'll bring chips"

And you're in a bit of a pickle because... uuurrgh that DOES sound cool... but you know they invited the weirdos too... but damn...

They make REAL good chips. And they've been pretty good to you...

......

Fuck you. Fine. Yeah okay, we ball.

--------------------

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

Happy Birthday America!!!

I've decided to celebrate the 4th of July with this classic movie of the same name.

N.C. Wyeth, 1922

endpaper with bald eagle

Warren's address at the Battle of Bunker

Nathan Hale, American patriot spy

The Picket Guard, from "All Quiet Along the Potomac"

On this fourth of july I want everyone to remember the actual reason to celebrate the day.