these are the photos i choose for blackout the blackout, because i need support and validation as not only a black person, but a black transfeminine person. im really struggling with my mom right now and being asked to suppress myself when i go home this weekend and not being able to show her the beauty in my gender expression is going to be painful. transmisogyny is an issue that the black community truly needs to tackle. tackling homophobia and transphobia in the black community won’t end negative views on transwomen. embrace us, we are still a part of you, and we have always been a part of you.

I guess were doing #blackout AGAIN but anyways I look at these images of myself a lot because this was the first time since I’ve been transitioning that I didn’t feel like some ugly trans freak who wanted to jump off a bridge. I felt like the girl I always knew I could be. This was the moment when I knew I could finally become a fully self-actualized person.

IG:howtobeafuckinglady

so what does this have to do with being trans?  well i cant get top surgery.  ever.  

so when you reinforce the idea that passing = the ideal for trans people, that means that people like me, who cant have surgery for medical reasons, or who cant afford it, or even just dont want it, are told they cant ever be their true selves.

when i found out i couldnt get surgery, a thought that had been keeping me alive for years, i nearly ended my life that night, because society, indeed even others in the trans community, had taught me that passing was all that mattered.  a thousand little things said in good intention “you’ll make such a great guy” “she passes so well, wow!” “i never knew ___ was trans, he looks cis!” and they nearly killed me.

stop equating passing with being ones true authentic self.  stop saying “you pass so well” as an immediate compliment.  stop hurting the trans community, even unintentionally.  

8 months in.

The last two photos were taken within a couple days of each other and I just wanted to take a moment to talk about them.

The left one was taken when I was in a really bad place. I was in a maelstrom of anxiety, depression, and dysphoria. Seeing this photo of myself, seeing how far I’d come, really filled me with a lot of hope and I feel extremely validated. 

The photo on the right was taken specifically to commemorate TDOV. I rely pretty heavily on makeup (I a dark and sharply defined muzzle even after with shaving and multiple layers of foundation and concealer). Today I decided to do something different and use the bare minimum of makeup that would let me feel OK (and that I’d feel OK with posting on FB). I look forward to the day where I can feel like myself without any makeup at all. I know I shouldn’t care but deprogramming’s hard, y’know?