Great Expectancy

“But you, Israel, are my servant.  You’re Jacob, my first choice, descendants of my good friend Abraham. I pulled you in from over all the world, called you in from every dark corner of the earth, telling you, ‘You’re my servant, serving on my side. I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’ Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.  I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” Isaiah 41:8-10 MSG

The truth of that statement in bold has been the truth that has sustained me over the past year. To say that the emotions I’ve experienced over the past year have been nothing short of a constant winding road. Still, I did my best to stay fixated on Jesus.  Knowing full well somehow His goodness would somehow overcome the obstacles. Would overcome my fears, the unknown. Even though I didn’t hear much from Him, I felt him, I knew in this season of not knowing where my life was going job wise that He was holding me so tightly, so so closely. 

He used people in the most providential times to speak into my circumstance. One particular instance in which someone I greatly admire gave me a word speaking into my “Joseph season” and that God was indeed preparing me for the next chapter he was writing. Another friend speaking out of the kindness of her heart encouraging me with absolute confidence that something indeed was coming. Small things such a these were words that soothed my soul.

I felt Him in the in-between. He’s always in the waiting. A beautifully written lyric states, “If you’re not done working, God I’m not done waiting.” It’s to this promise I knew as long as I kept my best with what was in my hands my Jesus was with me in every step. 

When I reached this place of acceptance even though I felt no clear direction I felt peace I knew God was there I knew it was close. And then a dream came true. A job in a place that has had my heart since I first moved to Sarasota. I am here writing because I know so many people who are seeking who are longing for something though they don’t know what they don’t know when. Stay focused on Jesus, trust Him, I am a testimony that He is in the waiting. He is WITH YOU.

And though I am glad for 2017 to be finishing I am also glad for the lessons it brought the greater understanding I’ve gained but most importantly the depth I’ve gained in my relationship with Jesus. I enter into 2018 with hope for joy. It’s the word I heard over and over. His goodness is apart of our lives. Even in the bleak His love it’s always there. It’s never gone. I am grateful. Many tears and many frustrations but so much rejoicing. He is truly perfect in all of His ways.

“Oh, Be Still My Heart. I know that you are God. And my soul will know your love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war, when night screams terror there your voice will roar, come death or shadow God I know your light will meet me there.” - Prince of Peace, Hillsong United

This trip to Costa Rica changed my life in so many ways.  God healed my heart, God granted us a trip that provided us hope when our nation seems so lost so dark.  A two hour drive and a three hour flight took us to a place, where the people are so happy just to have a conversation with you, thankful to have a little bit of our time.  I watched teenagers gather around each other, supported each other in prayer as they became the most vulnerable they’d possibly ever been. The behavior I saw, the attitude the willingness to go for it and work in the rain.  To let as many kids as possible take a piggy back ride on their back.  I saw so much of Jesus in every little moment.  From the work projects to the services, to the sessions.  God meets us. 

There’s so much hope out there if only we seek to find it.  If only we seek Him...then we will surely surely find that hope, that light, that peace in a seemingly harsh world. 

What if we spoke kindly? What if our greatest joy was found in a conversation, in somebody taking the time to sit with us would we in turn take the time to have those conversations? 

Its strange waking up in Costa Rica one morning and my bed the next, And though my bed was perfectly warming, apart of me is still saddened, the fact that my community over the past week and a half wasn’t surrounding me.  But I am determined, I know I will continue to find Jesus in these moments.  In my work, in the quiet morning, in a song.  He’s here. I continue to awaken to His love and hope.  Further Up, Further In.  Lets keep going deeper and deeper with He, with this great Love, who will forever be the hope of this life.

“Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,    for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.  Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,    who conduct their affairs with justice. Surely the righteous will never be shaken;    they will be remembered forever.  They will have no fear of bad news;    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.  Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;    in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.”

Psalm 112:4-8

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

 Over the past couple months there are people including myself who have been through an extremely tough season. The desert, the waiting, the knowing but not knowing. Through this season I have begun to grasp His grace greater than I've ever understood before. Without these seasons without the dry why would it be necessary to be washed in His grace. But it is His grace it is what redeems and we need redemption we need Him, because without Him there is nothing, there is void. 

 As we accept that grace as we wait for the victory. He calls us to be still to just be content in knowing He is God. He is God. He is God. Can we allow that to be enough. That even though we know good is coming we know favor is upon us, victory follows the trial, can we be still and not look ahead but look instead at the one who is God. Who is everything. Who defeated death, creator of life. Allowing ourselves to just be in that moment to see Him as who He is, oh, it is too much to comprehend. 

This line from Heart Like Heaven by Hillsong United has been churning my heart. “I’ll throw my weakness into Your greatness.” This picture.  What if instead of trying to fight off my weaknesses on my own, or getting frustrated with them, I threw them surrendered them to God’s greatness.  Letting God be the strength that shines through my weakness, that shows His brilliance, that shows His greatness. Because what is it we’re afraid of? That our weaknesses will show our humanity? That our weakness will be disappointing to our Creator? That our weakness makes us not good enough?

Today has been a complete year, since the moment I landed in Tampa International Airport after spending a year at Hillsong International Leadership College. To be frank quite possibly one of the hardest years of my life.  The moment I left Sydney, my heart broke because I knew the chance that encountering some of these people, whom I’d just spent a year with, was very slight.  Social media may in fact be the only way I stay in touch with some of them due to the different journey’s God has embarked on in each of our lives.  I wanted to write this blog because I want to encourage those of you my friends who are now on the verge of transitioning out of your lives in Sydney back to your homes or onto the next step God has placed before you.  I learned so much over the course of this year.  God has churned my heart for the local church, especially here in Sarasota, FL. 

I immediately got involved with my home church again after I returned home.  This in itself was an amazing help in the transitioning from the spiritual greenhouse that is Hillsong.  Church was what was familiar, and to this day I still love every opportunity I get to serve, be it creative or youth, I’ve been fortunate to form some amazing friendships through being apart of these two ministries. But what truly got me through was Jesus.  Camping out in His word.  I would encourage any one coming out of Hillsong, take residence in the scripture that is super personal to you.  For me I reread Romans 8 over and over and over and still do.  To know that through this hard time of transitioning back to life at home God was growing in me an expectancy that helped me to push through.  It’s that adventurous grand expectancy that gets me through any trial.  Life is hard, sometimes its extremely hard.  But when I remember that somehow God always deepens my love for Him through it, thats where I find joy, that’s where I find contentment even in what may seem like such a cold place.  

I’ll be completely honest, I miss my friends from that place so desperately sometimes.  I’m blessed here with some incredible friends, God has built a strong community of friends who love Jesus, and a church centered on reaching our community.  But when you don’t have those people who experienced what you experienced, it’s truly one of the most difficult things. People ask me all the time do you miss Australia.  More than anything I miss the people who are my family from there.  The church to me is the church I just love being apart of it.

Oh and side note, its perfectly normal to see dopplegangers of your fellow hillsong students...EVERYWHERE.  It’s also okay to want to talk about Australia, Hillsong, from its preaching to its music.  Believe it or not people in your church, friends and family will probably expect it.  But I also want to encourage you whatever local church you become a part of, have your hands open to receive whatever it is they want to give you.  God does use what you learned in Australia, what you developed, your leadership, He will use it, just remember you can use it in whatever vicinity your placed within serving.

The main thing I want to encourage you with is, no matter what your going through within your transition remember two things.  First, your doing better than you think you are.  Secondly, I was reminded of this scripture the other day and it melted my heart, remembering, Jesus is fully with me and apart of me.

“You’re blessed when you’are at the end of your rope.  With Less of you there is more of God and His rule.” Matthew 5:3 The Message

You know there was a couple months when I just had a heaviness on my spirit and I didn’t know where it came from or how to get rid of it.  But Jesus, He fought for me, He fights for us.  Again in Romans 8 it talks about if we don’t have words to pray, He speaks the words for us.  Redemption came in its time, and it always does.  God takes what seems like the most seemingly tough trial and develops it into an unbelievable account of experiencing His perfect grace and love.

Don’t ever give up, stay in His word, be involved with His house, Pray unceasingly.  When we continue to give our full allegiance to Jesus, He is always and forever our guiding light of love.  Making every moment on this journey with Him full of adventurous expectancy.

This song, its lyrics echo a lot of this past season.  Sometimes, all I knew was that He was “Here Now” and that was enough to completely transition through.

I am so excited for what lies ahead, I know He’s in it, therefore in all its mysteries I know its going go be SO GOOD.

Here Now (Madness)

"Comparison is a deadly game you cannot win.  You'll always come second-you can guarantee it." -Brian Houston

As I read this line over and over in a devotional this afternoon I just had rippling thoughts on this hole called comparison and the truth that counteracts it.

I've begun a new season.  Familiar, yet unfamiliar.  Being blessed to study at Hillsong College for a solid year of my life in Sydney, Australia, I can say it was truly one of the best experiences of my life.  In a new season now, I have begun to see the grace and love of God, as He has prepared unbelievable circumstances for me here.  From a job to a car, to beautiful friends, and an absolutely incredible church family it's more than I could've ever imagined and more.  And to be honest it's truly one of the most uncomfortable seasons and best seasons yet! I am this atmosphere that I love, but I am not the same person I was when I first came here.  God has grown my capacity so much, and love for this community.  I don't just see a beautiful beach side city.  I see a hungry city, young people longing to experience the love of Christ, communities longing to be seen. 

I've begun a small group with a couple of my girl friends, and it has rocked my weeks! Representatives of different churches in our area we come in unity to learn more about how to be more like Christ.  In a role where I'm leading to a certain extent it feels a bit uncomfortable at times, but the growth, the prayer, answered prayers, God is truly moving.

I've been blessed with a job where I'm also in a leadership type position doing things I've never done that much of.  But here I am loving it, even though its hard, its changing my way of thinking in regards to work and the amount of actual responsibility I have.  Yet even in these first couple weeks I'm seeing God move, in my life and at my work, He's showing me things constantly revealing things to me even in the mundane moments.

My church.  I've been so blessed with incredible pastors who recognize the training I've had and are giving me opportunities to share what I've learned.  They understand that I'm just there to help, and their entrusting me with a newish role, and still giving me the gift to help lead worship once in awhile.  New things that again are uncomfortable but I'm loving every minute.  My capacity I feel is being stretched at every moment yet, I've never felt more secure in my relationship with Jesus.

And living with my sister, brother in law and nephew.  Suprisingly its going really well.  I say suprisingly because it has been roughly 8 years since I've lived with immediate family for a extended length of time.  (Yes that's how long I've been graduated high school, ridiculous I know.)  

"' Don't let this throw you.  You trust God, don't you? Trust me.  There is plenty of room for you in my Father's home.  If that weren't so, would I have told you that I'm on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I'm on my way to get your room ready, I'll come back and get you so you can live where I live.  And you already know the road I'm taking.'  Thomas said, 'Master, we have no idea where you're going.  How do you expect us to know the road?' Jesus said, 'I am the road, also the Truth, also the Life.  No one gets to the father apart from me.  If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well  From now on, you do know him.  You've even seen him!' Philip said, 'Master, show us the Father; then we'll be content.'  'You've been with me all this time, Philip, and you still don't understand? To see me is to see the Father.  So how can you ask, 'Where is the Father?' Don't you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me?  The words that I speak to you aren't mere words.  I don't just make them up on my own.  The Father who resides in me crafts each word into a divine act.  Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can't believe that, believe what you see-- these works.  The person who trusts me will not only do what I'm doing but even greater things, because I, on my way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I've been doing you can count on it.  From now on, whatever you requests along the lines of who I am and what I am doing, I'll do it.  That's how the Father will be seen for who he is in the Son.  I mean it.  Whatever you request in this way, I'll do.'" (John 14:1-14 MSG)

This season of my life has been such a journey, taking a road in life that i never imagined would even be possible yet there it was wide open for me as I followed Jesus here.  It has been an incredible journey.  God has opened my eyes to see this great truth that I can and will continue to do things Jesus did while on this earth but things even greater than what He accomplished.  God has opened my eyes to great vision, God has set my heart aflame for passions I never even knew possible for people whom I've known my whole life, and God has given me a whole new outlook on how to wait in expectancy.  When I trust in Him the possibilities on this road of life are absolutely endless, all I have to do is trust and ask in faith.  

These first few months of the new year have very much been a season of testing, but through the testing and trials God is so ever faithful.  I've taken up residence in Romans 8 in The Message. I believe it is the scripture for this season of my life and for many many seasons to come. "The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death." (Romans 8:2 MSG) It is through Christ that, even though there is testing, I can run forward knowing that there is absolute freedom that I'm running towards.  That the vision, that He's given me, the purpose He's placed on my heart for people, it will come to completion in His beautiful timing. "That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and teh coming good times.  The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next.  Everything in creation is being more or less held back.  God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead.  Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens." (Romans 8:18-21)  As I await the next season of life my anticipation for what God is about to do is growing so great.  I know on this road that the journey is far less than the destination.  God's great revealing is not so far away are we going to sulk in the waiting or embrace it? Recognizing that it only increases our expectancy of what God is about to do and how He's going to do it.  I know excitement doesn't even match the emotion I'm feeling about what is about to take place in my own life and in the lives of all those surrounding me.

Hello my beautiful friends and family!

Has God been changing my life? HAH, quite possibly the biggest understatement ever. Literally God is changing so much within me that I barely have time to process it before He's changing the next thing. It's AMAZING!  Everyday God just shows me one more aspect of His grace and love. I'm in a place where I literally am seeing God move every day, encounters with the Holy Spirit, every day. It's so incredible. The thing is, why have I not recognized this beforehand? The authority, the power of the Holy Spirit was always there it has always been there since I've been born, but to fully now understand that all I have to do is reach out and grasp it, it's truly a life changing experience. 

Where do I begin to tell of the many teachings I've been learning there are SO MANY. I could talk about Sam Fegan, the city campus's youth leader, and the way he challenged us to make an effort to be in the presence of God and how it's only by "being in the presence of God you can get what He's got." And it is by being in His presence that God has begun to develop spiritual gifts in me, that I never even really recognized before.  It's developing such an intimate relationship with my Abba that I never before have experienced at such a capacity. Which, just this past week I had a friend speak over me that she believes that God is "growing me in my capacity" and nothing could be more true than that statement. I'm developing relationships with people who don't yet know God. I am getting to know the church family, for example two friends and I were given the opportunity to have dinner with a family from church and what an exciting moment that was! To form relationships with a family like that is such a blessing because they are such inspirations, I'll share more on that later on.  I was also challenged in Pastor Joel A'Bell's sermon about The Invitation. The thing is we think that in order to be in God's presence there's certain ways to go about it, but in all honesty the invitation is always there. In particular to come and rest in His presence. We so often forget that God wants to take our burdens and just allow us to rest in Him, its legitimately the most releasing place to be.  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 (TNIV) we are welcomed to rest in His arms.

I was also challenged in taking ownership in God's house in a message spoken by our Creative Director at City Campus, Hannah Hobbs. What an inspiring word from and incredible woman of God. I've been fortunate enough to actually have a few conversations with her and she is truly anointed in everything she does.  She spoke in chapel of how we need to be consumed with love for God's house, caring about the little things and being prepared.  This was such a challenge to me because I'm currently serving in Kids Creative on weekend services and I was taking it for granted not being nearly as prepared or invested as I should've been. I've just come to realize what an opportunity it truly is to be involved with the spiritual growth of kids.  The family dinner I mentioned before granted me the opportunity to meet a particular young man, their 8 year old, yes 8 year old, son who is already preaching, who has prayed in tongues. Who is aspiring to one day grow up and preach. Talk about a kingdom builder, come on somebody! To be able to bear witness to kids such as this is an amazing opportunity, showing that God has such incredible purposes for His church. Being apart of Kids Creative has given me opportunities for vocals and producing.  And this past week I was asked to begin training to head up producing for kids creative starting next semester and I couldn't be more excited that I have been blessed with such an opportunity to be a leader in God's house in such a way. Now am I called to kids ministry? Honestly, I don't think I am however, as Hannah said we need to take ownership. I love this church and I am placed in this ministry and therefore I am going to put my best foot forward while I'm apart of it.  And it is truly a blessing to just be apart of it even if its for only a short season of my journey here.

God's really been building up my confidence level as well.  It's so easy for me to just kind of be and not be bold in who I am.  It's not that I hide necessarily, but I don't exactly step forward either.  God has called me to boldness and that means being myself to the fullest. And as Robert Madu spoke of just earlier this morning not comparing myself to anyone else. To choose Jesus and run after Him with all my being. As I chase after Him I begin to let go of my over analyzed thoughts, and trust me there's a lot of them, I let go of distractions and realize Jesus is it. He is everything.  And its not just letting go of my weaknesses, my struggles. In one class Duncan Corby, spoke Philippians 3:13, 14 and how we need to choose Jesus in every situation, over our strengths, over our weaknesses, and over our "checked boxes."   For myself, I had been so focused on spiritual gifts because we have been discussing them so much, and it was like God spoke into me saying, yes these are good things, but would you rather have all the spiritual gifts or me? #boom. I definitely want Jesus, ALL OF HIM. 

There are so many teachings, so many things I could elaborate on. I have been writing finished a co write song with my fellow student Andrew, and have also been working on a song with a dear friend on and off named Sinead.  To say I've been blessed with friends and family here, isn't even enough. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for placing me amongst these world changers.  Every single person is so special and possesses such gifting and anointing.  I'm so excited to continue on this journey with each and every one of them, and to see where God takes us all on this incredible journey as this season continues to transform us all into being more like Him.