Dominant Mistress

There is an image. Form it in your mind. A beautiful, naked woman, emerges from an old fashioned, white bathtub. She is naked, her smooth skin glowing in the shaft of light that filters through the window. The water slides from her curves, seductively. It is a simple image, pared down, nude. Almost innocent yet deliciously seductive. It is the summoning of a female archetype.

Yet the production of even such a simple, momentary image is not free. Certainly, it could almost be a romantic image of poverty, perhaps in Southern Europe; the simple peasant girl emerging from the water, without jewels or finery, without luxuries or demands. Perhaps she is older and more seductive in your mind, revelling in the pleasure of the warm water, skin pinked from the heat, bubbles cascading from her form. Whatever form she takes, this apparent simple image has a world of work and cost behind it. What you see is the illusion. What would the real cost be:

1. The room and location, with the bath to conjure the image. Would she be living here permanently, in a location that you can get to? Imagine the monthly rent or purchase price. Is she perhaps in a luxury hotel for the day with a roll top bath?

2. Her time has been spent, not just in taking the bath, finding the location and performing all the administration involved, but in making herself and her body the host for the goddess archetype she is invoking. Her body will be cared for and polished by diet, exercise, waxing, skin treatments, and loving tending, without which she will rapidly show the physical and mental cracks of poverty and neglect. You cannot become a goddess, unless you make the host ready to receive her.

So much time and money behind such a simple thing. How much then, do you imagine, the work behind the image of a BDSM Mistress?

It is the sign of skill and experience to make something complex look easy. The role of the Mistress is to embody the powerful feminine- the dominant goddess. The strong mother, the nubile warrior woman. It is her honoured task to embody all the power of womanhood, filtered into the tastes of your mind, and provide you the safe, controlled and expertly steered journey your spirit needs to feel relaxed bliss. It is no simple undertaking. Consider the following, seemingly simple, session request:

-I’d like you in a red latex catsuit with ballerina boots and to wear a vibrating rubber strapon, in a dungeon over a spanking bench, then lift me up and carry me, then squeeze my head between your thighs. I’d then like to be feminised by creating saline infusion breasts, then put to sleep with nitrous oxide.

Such a simple, quick sounding scene, so often shown in something like BDSM porn as a thing that just ‘happens’. Yet, as with producing the porn, producing the live enactment has a large budget and preparation time.

In addition to being a host who can manifest the goddess (with great care of mind and body, diet and exercise, strength of character and time and money practising the skills needed), there are a lot of specifics that don’t just magically happen.

1. The dungeon with equipment. Unless Mistress has her own dungeon (a huge ongoing expense, and initial investment) then that means hiring a dungeon space. They are few and far between, even in large cities, often booked up weeks in advance, and in many cases won’t rent to an unknown person. This means that the Mistress must invest in developing and maintaining contacts, connections and relationships with the dungeon masters on a regular basis. This means going to events. Attending the events they host. And all the costs that any event attendance involves.

2. The costume. Any specific costume, especially in rubber or fetish materials, is expensive. The best ones: the ones that look the way you imagine, are bespoke. This means time to go for fittings, have it tailor-made and waiting for it to be completed. Such an item would rarely be under £1000, and often much higher. The ballerina boots are not only hundreds of pounds to purchase, but require an ongoing investment of time and training to be able to stand and walk in.

3. The sex toys. Most toys recommend that they are not shared between people, as they are impossible to sterilise to a fully safe standard. Even glass and metal toys, which can be autoclaved (if mistress has bought and stored an autoclave- a very expensive piece of equipment) is not able to destroy prions, and this is the reason that all surgical equipment is now single use and disposable. Anything rubber or silicone, or that has electrical components, cannot possibly be sterilised to a standard that makes it safe to share or use on others. Therefore you should consider that a vibrating strapon has a cost of something over £50 (and may be hundreds, depending on the make and features) and Mistress then also needs to clean and store it somewhere, just for you.

4. The physical. In addition to Mistress maintaining a certain look, posture, confidence and ability to be strong, accurate and safe in controlling your play, the scene described involves some fairly common requests that require Mistress to go above and beyond regular fitness investment of time and money. Use of a strapon is an act which requires learning and training of muscle groups that women rarely use. The thrusting action, rhythm and stamina has to be developed over time, with regular practice. The carrying action requires strength training with an expert personal trainer, as does developing the thigh strength for head squeezing. This can take 6 months to a year, and must be maintained to prevent injury and allow the experience to be performed safely for you. If you imagine that lifting a grown man twice your size and carrying him while wearing ballerina boots is an easy task, I suggest you try it yourself.

5. The medical. In addition to the cost of the equipment (all of which is single use, and some of it difficult to source, or even illegal to use) there is a great deal of training needed to perform the requests safely. While there may be the occasional charlatan who will do anything you ask for a quick buck, a good BDSM Mistress will not put you at risk by doing things which she is not skilled and qualified to perform safely. Play involving catheterisation, IV or subcutanous infusions, piercings, medical administration by injection or of any narcotic substances, requires not just specialist training in the act being performed, but years of background training – some of them even requiring a full background at medical school.

These seemingly simple requests, performed over perhaps a half an hour, require a full time level of training, work and financial investment behind them. Your tribute is not a payment for a half hour of Mistress’ time: It is a gift for her, for building her life in such a way that she is able to manifest the feminine goddess you seek- to honour her, to thank her and to, in some small way, support the incredible service she is allowing you, all while making it look simple and natural. Without giving you an itemised bill. Without forcing you to peer behind the curtain at the ropes and trapdoors, that would ruin the magic of the theatre for you.

For those who say they ‘don’t pay’ or ‘shouldn’t have to pay’, I say this: nothing in life is free. If you are not supporting the image of the goddess that you are asking for time from, then you are a parasite. You are saying that you want to take the benefits of Mistress’ time and work, or cruise on the investments of thanks by those who do understand the nature of tribute, and give nothing back towards this huge, life consuming production. You are saying that you are steeped in toxic masculinity – that you only know how to pillage and conquer, not to nurture and build. That you are neither a King, nor a Knight, nor an honoured servant, but a marauding thief. You are the boy who wants a woman to act as a prostitute for you, but wants to neither pay her nor date her. You are the entitled, arrogant little scumbag who thinks the world owes him a living. Well let me tell you now, boy: the Goddess knows she deserves a great deal better than that.

Whether you see a session Mistress or a lifestyle Mistress, the same applies: You need to give back at least as much as you take. The fact that you don’t realise just how much is being given and done for you behind the scenes, means that you should give all you are able.

Tribute is not always money, though crafting your experiences as a submissive or slave does certainly cost a great deal to do well. Tribute should be practical, however. And, in my opinion, it should be fitted to your role.

Here are some suggestions as to how you might appropriately honour your Mistress, in addition to session payment or tribute:

1. Use your skills to serve. If you are a carpenter, tax accountant, driver, hairdresser, bricklayer: offer Mistress unrestricted use of your skills. In service to her directly, and in service to the other Mistresses she knows. The Mistress world is a complex network of honour, loyalty and community that you are not expected to understand, but nonetheless must be maintained.

2. Use your skills to honour. One of my favourite gifts of tribute is a silver anal hook necklace made for me at my first meeting with a submissive who was a silversmith. I wear it often. Use your special skills to create her things of beauty, to show your devotion and to show the world she is admired and honoured. Whether you carve her a beautiful wooden table, hand stitch her a leather flogger to match her eyes, write her a book of poetry, produce a beautiful portrait of her, in all her majesty or grow her a garden of scented flowers to enjoy, there is surely something you can lay your creative nature to in honour to Mistress. Do these things often. Put your soul into them, and feel the joy of serving your Goddess with devotion.

3. Fit your tribute to your desires. It is so obvious as to be overlooked, yet is among the more meaningful acts of tribute, and should be done by all servants of a Mistress. Fit your tribute to what you desire of your Mistress. If you wish to worship her feet, gift her weekly pedicures. If you want to see her in 6 inch PVC boots, take her shopping for them (all the while appreciating that even the time spent with you while shopping, as you buy her the shoes she chooses, is still time she could be spending elsewhere). If you wish to worship her body, then honour her body. Arrange for her to have skin treatments, pay for her gym sessions and clothes, buy her good quality, nutritious food to enjoy. If you want her to flog you, beat you, spank you, practice fireplay on you, then buy her the tools she needs, or better yet trust her expertise to know better what will work for you and buy the ones she tells you to. Pay for her to attend workshops, and the transport there, to brush up her skills and try new things out on you. If you want Mistress to take you to events, where you can be seen in your glorious position as her favoured servant, pay for her entry, drinks, transport, outfit and serve her honourably throughout the evening, acting as her seat, providing foot massages and holding her bag as she instructs you to.

For those whiny boys who say they ‘Don’t pay’ or see fit to try to argue session prices or tribute, I say this:

-Firstly, you are not buying or renting her. Just as when you visit a beautiful forest, a stately home or magnificent cathedral, your contribution is a small part of the collective that helps to keep the wonder and magic of the place alive. You show your honour and gratitude for it to exist, let alone be able to visit it, by doing the very small part that you are able to.

-Secondly, your unwillingness to support the very cow you are seeking to milk (forgive me Mistresses) makes you a parasite. Not a king, or knight, or humble servant. Just a marauding thief, out to take what your greedy little mind desires and leave nothing in return. The boy who wants the woman to play prostitute for him, but neither pay her nor date her. The very epitome of toxic male culture- to conquest and abandon, rather than to nurture and grow. It needs to be squeezed out of you like a poison in your soul.

-Thirdly, your small-minded, petty viewpoint prevents you from ever finding the very thing you are seeking: the peace, humility, safety and sense of wholeness that comes from releasing yourself through service to honouring the earthly manifestation of the dark and divine feminine goddess. It is only from slowly giving of yourself, in every way that you have, that you release the prisons in your mind, the responsibilities, fears and need to control, with your position in life as a middle-manager in hell. It is not through being loved that we find happiness- it is through giving it without boundary. Your acts of devotion, service and honour should not be focussed on the grubby details of what ‘you’ want to do to serve your mistress. Your Mistress might not wish to be served by you worshipping her feet today- but she might appreciate you making her breakfast. Or taking her to an event. Or feel it is time for you to be submitting your body for flogging and chastisement. Mortification of the flesh, to free and cleanse the soul. Do you really imagine that it is you who knows better than she, how she should be honoured and worshipped at that moment?

Tribute is not an exchange for services. It is becoming part of something greater than yourself. It is taking steps to lose yourself in the person you wish to become, the journey you need to have, and showing honour and gratitude to your Mistress. She is manifesting the Goddess in herself – the archetype of every powerful woman. The Empress, Goddess, Mother, Domme, Dominatrix, Lady, Countess, Queen, Warrior woman, Amazon, Elven Queen, Witch and Sorceress. Behaviour should be appropriate, every honour should be given and you should be on your knees in gratitude just to witness her.

In letting go of your disgusting male-centred indoctrination through life, you cleanse yourself of its taint, with each act of service. Your tribute should be everything you can give, it should be often and it should be ongoing. That is how you honour and thank your Mistress. That is how you become worthy to serve her.

That is the meaning of tribute.