fetid moppet➡️ streets, shambolic rube ➡️sheets

Daily affirmations for tesla owners: your car is ugly as hell and everyone hates you

they really don't make Bigass Cabinet For Computer anymore. we were at the used furniture warehouse the other day & they had so many. that's the way things should be. lock away that wretched machine when you're done looking at it

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

not to flirt or anything, but i’d educate myself on your interests just so we could talk about them.

the important thing to remember about corporations is that they are so so stupid

this post brought to you by my ex employer claiming that they can't have done disability discrimination against me because there's no proof I had PTSD in January 2025, although they do admit I had it both four months before and six months after that

asked my lawyer if this was the dumbest thing she'd ever seen and she gave me the ol' dead eyed stare that has watched a thousand civilisations fall

if you've ever applied for a job you deserve 50 million dollars in financial compensation

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.