🩷goblins🩷

poke and prod, but never chew.

excising what you found crude,

before rebuking the plate and demanding

something new.

the thing you always wanted was someone else.

(important distinction: I was literally just trying to have a one on one conversation with him so we could work things out and have a healthy relationship, NOT fomenting a racist mob.)

this created a dynamic where I swallowed every barb and slight whole until I was a hollow little thing of a person.

a month and a half ago I woke up and couldn’t straighten my right knee out, could barely walk.

a week ago I finally managed to straighten it out all the way AND put weight on it.

today it feels the best it has since before I injured it last february and CERTAINLY the best it’s been since knee surgery last may.

I had begun to think I would never be able to do the things I loved again, that my right knee would forever be the albatross around my neck preventing me from running and dancing and wrestling and so many other things.

today I found something that I haven’t had since may 28th of 2025 when I woke up from surgery to the news that they could not repair my meniscus.

I have hope.

I have watched my body deteriorate over the last year; I lost all the musculature I had fought so hard for.

without that extra support, my joints have become loose and normal tasks have become agonizing.

I can’t stand for long periods of time, I can’t crochet, I have to be careful about how I hold my phone when I bedrot because if not my hands will be almost unusable the next day.

I SHRANK AN ENTIRE INCH THIS YEAR BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING SUPPORTING THE STUPID WEAK CONNECTIVE TISSUES IN MY BODY ANYMORE.

I used to take so much pride in my fitness.

outpacing not only other people with connective tissue disorders, but fully able bodied people granted me a sense of normalcy that I would give anything to get back.

I have cried myself to sleep more than once because of how othering it feels to be treated like glass.

my mental health was the worst it’s ever been this last year.

I had almost forgotten what the light looked like, but after a year of anguish I think i’m finally nearing the end of the tunnel.

my problems aren’t over, and my body will never be “normal.”

Fun fact about me:

I am gay because I was looking at this old ad and then got struck by lightning.