Vent Blog

Everytime I eat I swear I gain 10 pounds.

I’m not happy with myself. I’m not comfortable with who I am. I don’t think I ever will be.

The people I care about keep leaving me.

I fear becoming toxic. The type of person people worry about “upsetting” or “setting off” because they can all see how fragile and sensitive I am. I fear becoming a burden. So I’m careful with what I give away. Careful with who I talk to. And even then, it doesn’t always work out for the best. I sometimes think I should lock myself away. Hide, and not talk to anyone at all, just to avoid it going sour in the end.

Depression in summer is weird. It’s not dark and brooding, for me - it’s white and hazy and confusing. You feel very absent from everyone and everything. And all the light seems a little too bright for your tired eyes.

Good things just never seem to actually happen. I’m so exhausted of hoping they will. Why can’t something just be good, and perfect, and easy? Why does it always have to be so needlessly complicated?