i've been around

i've become the "guys, we should go bowling!" person, the harmony-disruptor entity that i once feared the most

i see my allure for the everyday minutiae through the lens of this particularly ant-like life of mine. i'm not sacralizing all the pretty little things, my scope is just really small and myopic and therefore heightened

plagued by unwelcomed roaches, people are tracing powdery geometric outlines all over the neighbourhood, eliciting both insecticidal and incidentally talismanic properties!

monday through saturday while ale works on an engineering project i often just loiter around his bedroom. days blur into a mush, through vaporous portals made of soldering fumes i hop from a wednesday characterized by intense doomscrolling, akin to those cautionary illustrations with people having iv bags with the facebook logo on it, to a friday where i am stuck glued to my kindle, finger flipping through different e-pages of different e-books, frantically looking for e-revelations. on sundays we go to the beach though and oh! at the beach we revert back to a state of pure childness and i have so much fun and i am so happy just playing like kids with an overactive imagination. i just wish i could carry some of that unfiltered joy and drop it off to the beach-deficient depressive parts of the weekly calendar but at this point i am turning it into a no-light-without-darkness matter

i have one week left of work before entering another And-Now-What stage. setting that aside, i'm also planning my first camping trip ever!

each the other's world entire

i think it's actually ok to force yourself to do (what is now perceived as) heavy-duty stimulating stuff (e.g. reading instead of picking up the phone) because we are basically becoming homo algorithmo and just want to be hooked up to the dopamine machine. i think everything should come with a degree of effort like a ritual and we shouldn't just make a "i'll have a bag of chips" out of everything

i've been stressing out about clothes a lot lol. i don't know what to wear and i always go out adam sandler style! my bf looks handsome and my friends are super cute, next to them i look like lena dunham on that stage with taylor swift or even worse i look like the kawaii potato!

something i'm baffled by what i got going on inside my romance-rotted head because i don't hold a grudge towards people who broke my heart in the past (this doesn't apply to the Demon Mimics kind of men i met - editor's note) and i'm actually like... GRATEFUL? and sometimes i hope that old hearts i broke feel the same and i think some of them do, in my smugness. it's a privilege to have touched that part deep within oneself once you get over it...