Śmierć. marazm. zgnilizna.

It has been literal years but every time I see Martin’s tweets posted somewhere and his word is shared as truth while her post is not shared it sort of reiterates the fact that we trust men to speak about feminism more than we believe women who experience it. 

Adding screenshots of her post. His whole post is there without needing a link. Hers should be, too.

Me on january 18th, 2026:

You are learning addition. You blink. There is differential calculus written on the whiteboard. The longer you stare, the less it looks like numbers. The sky is a different color than when you closed your eyes.

Your final grade has not been posted yet. It has been two days. Your final grade has not been posted yet. It has been a month. Your final grade has not been posted yet. It has been a year. Your final grade has not been posted yet.

You look at the posted list of required math credits for your major. It is not written in english. It is not written in any language you know. It is not written in any language you don’t know. You close the list of required math credits before it can look back.

You cannot remember a time before your 8 AM. You leave the auditorium only to find yourself back in the auditorium. It is time for class. 

You have had the same advisor your entire college career. Every time you see him, he has more teeth. Eventually, you stop seeing your academic advisor. He still sees you.

Students that go to look through the reference section of the library return different. The unlucky ones don’t return at all.

You go to a school of 20,000 students. You see the same 10 individuals at random points on campus every day. There are 19,989 other students. You’re not sure if you want to know where they are.

People are screaming in your dorm. People are always screaming in your dorm. “Somebody must be going out partying,” your roommate says. You both know that isn’t true. 

You have a paper due in four days. You never finish it. The deadline never draws any closer. You have a paper due in four days. 

A man sitting alone on the snowy, empty quad tells you that you will die in exactly 47 minutes. You walk away. You glance back, from a distance, and see only your footprints. You walk faster.

The squirrels fear no one. You do not make eye contact with the squirrels. They grow bolder every year, graduating from stealing trash to stealing food off of your plate. You shudder to think what they will steal next. 

There is always someone in the study room. You have never seen them leave. It is always the same person. You have never seen them anywhere else.

- there is no grid system in boston. every street is a circle. you miss your turn and try to double back, but the asphalt is giving way to cobblestone. you can hear muskets just ahead.

- boston common always closes at 9pm. it locks from the inside.

- you walk out of mike’s pastry in the north end and the streets are deserted. there’s a rumbling beneath your feet. it smells like molasses.

- every time you crane your head to peek down the dark subway tunnel for the train, you can see two bright pinpricks of light in the distance. they’ve been there for 30 years, watching. you look away and try not to breathe.

- they’re always trying to fill the pot holes and the cracks in the sidewalks. it’s from the ice, they say. come morning, the holes always return. bigger. deeper.

- the next train will arrive in 5 minutes. days have passed; winter is setting in. the next train will arrive in 5 minutes.

- you arrive at logan airport and it’s empty. the intercom crackles, “this is the final boarding call.” no flight is specified. it’s time to go.

- the red line train pulls up, empty. you get on and it comes to a sudden halt in the tunnel. the lights go off. you hear the muffled sounds of ‘sweet caroline’ in the distance. it’s getting closer.

- the citgo sign looms above the brownstones. no matter how far you walk, it is always there. 

A customer pleads to be let in after closing time. They only need one item. They only ever need one Item.

A customer is looking for an item. You do not sell the item. You have never sold the item. You do not know what the item is.

An item does not scan. “It must be free” the customer jokes. You look at them, their mouth hangs open as they laugh. They have too many teeth. 

You ask your colleague how their day is going. They look back at you their eyes hollow and devoid of hope. You nod in understanding. No more is said.

A security barrier goes off. You look around but there is nobody there. There is just noise.

You say good morning to a customer. You hope it is still morning. You are no longer sure how time works. 

Colleagues  disappear as they move on to better things. You do not know where they go but sometimes you see them months later. Their eyes are bright and their smiles real. You know better than to question these things.

There is a man. He comes in every Wednesday. You have never seen him buy anything.

You see an actor from that happy show years before. They are looking at deodorant. They look sad. 

You go to the stockroom to find an item. You look around but there is nothing. The system says you have thirty two. The system always say you have thirty two.

You walk through the warehouse. All you can see in every direction is Christmas trees. It is July.

It is raining so you take an umbrella with you. When you step outside the sun breaks through, it is now a beautiful day. You walk two more steps and it starts snowing. You are not surprised. You are never surprised anymore.

A tourist asks you if you are German. You were talking Dutch. You and the tourist are in Amsterdam. 

There are trees in your street. You do not know who planted them. You do not know who cares for them. The trees are, and it is accepted.

When you leave the supermarket there are children waiting for you . They stare with hungry eyes. You try to walk past them but they follow. They are too fast. They want your football cards and they will stop at nothing to get them.

You go to France for your holiday. Your friends are not excited for you when you tell them. You always go to France. Everyone does. 

A tv show about a clown and an acrobat was your childhood. You do not understand why you watched the show. You don’t remember what it was about. The clown and the acrobat were old. 

The lady on the speaker says you have to wait five more minutes for your train. You wait five more minutes. And five more. And five more. The lady on the speaker is back. She says the train won’t come because of the snow. You look around. You hadn’t noticed the snow. The snow is less than a centimeter thick.

Your international friends are discussing their cultures. You want to join the conversation but you can’t. You can only think of cheese.

Coffeeshop au’s confuse you. You thought those were illegal outside of the Netherlands.

You attend your English classes. You know you never learned a single thing from them. You speak English. 

Only do what you’re assigned to do, don’t stray from your assignment

Never think you can defeat the system

Don’t question where people disappear to, all you need to know is that they upset someone

Rebelion won’t save you, you could end up dead for all you know

Questions are never to be asked out loud, they listen to everything

They will watch your every move

Stick to a routine or they will know something is up

Your rights don’t matter anymore, there is no more constitution, that was burned in 2035

Don’t fall in love, a spouse will be appointed to you when you come of age

And you are expected to have children

The internet will be restricted

Remember to follow the order and never try to escape

There is no escape

No outside the wall can help, no outside the wall knows where to find you anyway

And never ask one question…