#𝓈𝓮𝒸𝓇𝓮𝓉 𝓂𝓮𝓇𝓂𝒶𝒾𝒹

oh my god. OH MY GOD?? I GAINED 2KG. 2 FUCKING WHOLE KG WHEN I WAS AT MY DREAM WEIGHT. I DONT FUCKING CARREEEE IF IM MALNOURISHED?? I WAS FINALLY LOVING MY BODY. AFTER 4 YEARS OF BEING INSECURE DAY AFTER FUCKASS DAY, I THOUGHT I LOOKED GOOD AND THEY ALL RUIN IT. I

I disgust myself whenever I eat now, over 3000kcal each day? what a pig. Every hour, I eat. I've gotten my hunger back, it's even more disgusting than I remember. Why the hell do I want more food? I drink 2000kcal of milk every day, so why do I want more food? Recovery is making me hella bloated too. Every reflection of myself is just like looking at a poster for morbid obesity awareness. Yk that morning skinny feeling?? Well my morning skinny now, is what my BLOATED used to look like a month ago.

Summer is in 2 months and THIS is what they do to me. They've ruined my routine, my progress, they've ruined my fuckass life. If i ever get allowed back at school, my friends and the teachers will rat out to my parents if I don't eat, so when I eventually relapse I'll be such a wannarexic because I'll be forced to eat... so no omads, no fasting, nothing.

Everything is so unfair, knowing that every other girl at my school, in my class, in the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD just gets to diet, workout, skip meals, starve... while I have to eat, never move and just be a lazy, fat slob.

how do i get rid of food noise?? I'm in forced recovery rn and all I can think about is how much I'm eating, what I'm gonna eat next, If i can hide the food, etc etc... this meal plan sucks

and any tips for forced recovery?? I'm planning to just binge all of the foods but act disgusted by them, so the doctors never make me it again, and just kinda relapse after getting discharged.

i am ready to fucking explode

just like a flower, I bloom, blossom and grow .｡*ﾟ+.*.｡ ﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+