Here to ramble

Thirty-Three.

ynt sillyposting: tadera edition

edit: here's a Google drive link lmk if it's broken / doesn't work for some reason

yes! i think he is but he doesn't even know it.

the way he has his crying episodes—backed into a corner, arms wrapped around his knees—seem like an attempt at self comfort. they also often make him remember how his mom met any comfort-seeking behaviour in his childhood with physical and emotional abuse. the combination of associating touch with what his dad did + rejection from his mother has made him hate touch entirely.

...and yet you CONSTANTLY see mr robot physically comforting him. the way he grabs elliot, pats his back, holds his hand after he's been beat up in prison, holds him while he cries in s4, all speak to a buried need for physical comfort he feels he can't get safely from the outside world. the morphine, the crying sessions, the comfort from mr robot, all of these are self comfort mechanisms, and a lot of them rely on touch. i also think both shayla and olivia were sort of "self soothing" practices for elliot... he saw them as being "like himself" and therefore safer.

it's pretty notable that the only people he "allows" to touch him are angela, darlene, and tyrell. the first two are obvious, he's known them forever and he trusts them. as for tyrell, youll notice tyrell usually touches elliot to comfort him (his idea of comfort lol) by rubbing his shoulders, OR as a sort of power play (not that elliot ever seems all that scared by it). that's why i think it's pretty notable that in the finale tyrell, mr robot, and edward alderson start to get mixed up as elliot chases after them on coney island. they all encapsulate elliots desire for physical comfort and simultaneous fear of being touched. and i think it's ALSO notable that the first time we see elliot break down in s4, it's while trying to wash blood from his hands after tyrells death, where, again, he curls into a corner and hugs himself. and that elliot tends to "wake up" or remember things when tyrell touches him—see: him remembering bits and pieces of the 5/9 hack, the actors switching when tyrell grabs mr robot and tries to confess, elliot waking up when mr robot is choking tyrell, etc.