Choices between Wonders

I had a hard time knowing what is self, who is me and why is this me. This has been a pressing questions to me everytime I’m always at my own. I’m a wanderer and my search for my true self is unending.

Finally, the Whole-Brain Literacy and Self Mastery Training gives me a lot of answers and deeper realizations. But, John Green, the author of Turtles All The Way Down have already taught me that there are two self in one person, the physical self and the inner self. There were times that i want to do something eagerly but the inner self in me always do the contrast. I felt there was someone against me. I felt someone was controlling my thoughts. And that someone within me always wins. It is so frustrating that the self within me is dominating my whole self. The point is, me, myself can’t own MY SELF. Like I’m not home in my own home. And I am a foreigner of my own self.

Actually, I’m a warm and easy to deal person. I mean, I’m not limiting myself in interacting with other people. That is why I love being teacher despite the stress that my work is giving to me since I started my public service. Oh, no, actually it’s not the work stressful but the people around me instead. They are the stressors in my work. From very warm and easy to deal person, I became icy and cold person. I kept myself away from them and locked myself in my own dungeon. I always wanted to be alone and apart from them. But of course , it was not easy. It was pretty bad and suffocating. Until, my inner self began talking and telling me, “Hey, this is not healthy anymore, go out, and have a life. Let them judge and talk of their own self, hear it, listen to it, then let it slide”.I came to realization that my inner self was there all along, watching over me, feeling my pain and understanding me the whole time. Now, me and my inner self are One.

Thanks to Green for introducing the inner self of a person in his novel, at least I’m not surprised with Dr. Manikan’s discussion about self mastery.

And I come to life again, never letting people to put me stock in my very limited life. Never allowing myself be affected by those stressors. Because when I do, I will be their slave again. But I promised to myself to be very patient, very understanding, very positive and of course, very beautiful! Inggit pa more stressors!