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Weeks after entering Columbia Correctional Institute, Jeffrey was found with a razor blade in his cell. His prison psychiatrist believed he intended to kill himself and put him on Prozac, an antidepressant. Shortly after this incident, Lionel and his second wife, Shari, drove to the prison to check on Dahmer. On the way out, prison authorities gave Lionel and Shari a package containing all the mail Jeffrey had received while in the prison. As they drove home in the dark, Shari read the letters aloud by flashlight…
“We are destined to be together.”
The lyrics to “You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor
“My dream told me that your mental illness was complex, but unexplainable just like mine was.”
“I know what it’s like to be lonely.”
“My husband was my whole world, and when he died, I wanted to go with him.”
“I am on Dilantin for my epilepsy.”
“My plant just had another layoff.”
“Sometimes all I feel is hate.”
“When I go to sleep, I die.”
“I am always shaking.”
“Only you can calm me down.”
“Small hearts enclosed.”
Each letter a gleaming reflection of an individual in shattered glass, glittering in small beams of electric light. For a man who lacked any personal connection with another human being, a man so entirely alone he preferred his company dead, so many were able to catch a glimpse of themselves.
“I don’t know why it started. I don’t have any definite answers on that myself. If I knew the true, real reasons why all this started, before it ever did, I wouldn’t probably have done any of it.” - Jeffrey Dahmer
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For Thanksgiving, in 1978, Carlos Cruz and his wife invited some of the younger soldiers to share the traditional celebration dinner in their house. Among them was Dahmer and a soldier called Preston Davis.
While they were having dinner, the snow began to heavily fall outside, and Cruz suggested that it would be wiser for them to all stay inside for the night, waiting for the morning to come and the heavy snow to calm down. For some reason or other, Dahmer and Davis began a heated argument, and Davis told him to get "the hell back to Baumholder!"
And Jeff decided it was exactly what he was going to do. He quietly walked out of the door into the snow at 10:30p.m. Baumholder was about eight miles distant, around a huge mountain and it was freezing cold.
When Cruz noticed what occurred between the two soldiers, he went out to search for Dahmer for 15 minutes, and soon returned home because of the cold, searching for more warm clothes in order to search for the troubled man a bit more. Cruz searched for Dahmer for half an hour before giving up, assuming he got a taxi to drive him back to Baumholder.
Surprisingly, 4 hours later, Jeff was back at the door like a kicked puppy, and Cruz warmly received him saying "Here's the orphan!", and the rest of the soldiers welcomed him back home. He appeared confused, vague, like his mind was elsewhere and not there. He had lost his glasses, his jacket was not cold to the touch, and surprisingly for a man that spent 4 hours in the sub-zero temperature, he was not affected by the conditions he had to face.
Cruz took him to the kitchen and Dahmer began to frantically wash his hands. After Jeff sat down and stared at the kitchen table, Cruz noticed faint signs of blood in his jacket. Cruz confronted him about it, and Jeff said he could not remember what happened when he was outside but assumed that it was 'bad'. Could he have tried to damage himself with his own spectacles?! Dahmer was considered weird enough to be suicidal, and it was then a suicide attempt to go out in the freezing cold.
Unfortunately, there are no answers to why Dahmer stormed out of the house, deciding to face the blinding snow then be with a frustrated soldier and drink until numb. Again, another enigmatic act of his mind.
SOURCES: The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer by Brian Masters.
the online identity and gimmick-ifying of autism is so odd. I'm diagnosed with autism and yet I barely identify with any stuff I see about it anymore. It feels like autism is being rebranded as the Silly Guy Disorder that gives you smart and beautiful hyperspecific interests. it's not that I mind silly jokes or being lighthearted about being autistic- but when the entire social movement is based around marketing us this way, I just can't help but feel isolated from it. it feels like I'm not the right kind of autistic. I'm not marketable and digestible to common audiences, and therefore I am discarded by the movement in the name of progress and acceptance. it feels foul.
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The reason why so many of y'all's feminism sucks is because you still believe deep down in your hearts that there are only two kinds of people in the world: precious, ethereal, fragile dollthings called "women", and violent, lustful, rage-fueled apes called "men". Until you throw that idea away, 3rd-grade-tier "girls rule boys drool, girls are princesses and boys are stinky :(" is as feminist as we'll ever get-- and I hope it's obvious that that's lightyears away from the bare minimum of where we need to be.
There's always a moment of intense cultural whiplash whenever I realize I'm talking to someone who thinks "legal" and "illegal" are meaningful categories and ascribes innate goodness to following the law. It's like meeting a space alien.
You know, there's this cliché that teenage boys always eat massive amounts, but teenage girls really aren't that different if they're not suppressed by diet culture and body shaming. Like, I was a teenage girl who frankly just stopped bothering to fit into mainstream beauty ideals at some point, and I would regularly make myself just one big massive pot of pasta and devour it completely. This wasn't even stress eating or anything, I just genuinely needed the energy because you know, I was a teenager and my body was developing. I feel like so many teenage girls think they need to eat as little as possible to be petite and pretty, but the truth is that your body is developing just as intensely as teenage boys' bodies. Eat more, please, your body needs it.
also I don't think parents "these days" are uniquely terrible, I just think neglect is showing up in new ways as technology progresses. today's ipad kid would've been wandering around in a ditch alone all day and night before. parents not wanting to have to deal with children is not a new phenomenon.
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btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here
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