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@glamorouspetrichor
I know I always write about Seidou and I haven't mentioned it enough but Juuzou is also my fav TG character. Not only that but originally Juuzou was the reason why I got into Tokyo Ghoul after I saw a few edits oo him on TikTok and I absolutely loved his design. And his voice!š¤©š¤© And I wanted to know what anime he is from. And I ended up here!š So after the Mini Seidou pictures here's some Mini Juuzou too. I love this silly little goblinš¤Ŗš¤Ŗ
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This has got to be one of my favorite parts of the whole episode. Look at how cute they are together. Blitz makes a joke and Fizz pulls the cutest face. Like, Fizz just looks so happy and free. Is this a glimpse of how things used to be in the past for them š„¹š
Iām still alive. 25 and still alive. Every day is the same. Nobody to talk to except my grandmother really. I guess Iām not completely alone cuz of her. My parents probably think Iām manipulating her. I mean theyāve been better to me lately but they did say she was enabling me. I donāt know. All I know is I care more about fiction than life. More about Kokichi Ouma than most real people. I guess Iāve completely dived into fantasy land, although I canāt be creative anymore. Iām dying every second that Iām alive. Literally. I am killing myself every day with cigarettes and lack of exercise and isolation. Not alcohol anymore, surprisingly. Turns out I wasnāt really addicted, I just was too scared to stop. Now I can drink on occasion and not feel the need to do it every day. In fact Iāve come to dislike alcohol. Itās true that it helps me be myself and makes people like me more but it also makes me do stupid things that I regret. Example: Last time I saw Daniel we were both wasted and almost had sex. I think thatās why he doesnāt want to see me anymore. That or he just really doesnāt care. It fucking sucks losing my best friend, close enough to be family, of 20 years. But he doesnāt care about me anymore and thatās just that. Then Iām going to lose Alex too because Iām too anxious to even talk to them. I canāt even answer a simple message. Iām really pathetic. I canāt do anything. Canāt work, canāt write or draw or barely sing anymore, canāt even talk to people. I have anxiety attacks about getting older and the people I love getting older. I canāt think straight half the time. Although thatās partially due to my over consumption of marijuana. But the dissociation has always been there, keeping me one step out of reality. I donāt know why Iām still alive. I donāt know if I even want to be. I know when im older Iāll hate myself for wasting my youth. But I donāt know what to do. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself. I donāt want to be with people and I donāt want to be alone. I just want it all to stop. I want to be where I want when I want with the people I want. I donāt know if I can heal in this place. I donāt know if being around the people I want will help me heal either. I donāt know if Iām even capable of healing. I donāt think I am. I donāt think I have the strength to even try. I canāt even pick up a bowl in my room before it gets moldy. I canāt even take basic care of myself. Nobody wants to talk to me anymore. Iām a loser. Pathetic gross and getting old. Only place I ever belonged was in a hospital. Thatās all I guess.
Maybe I belong in a hospital again. Maybe I should just die there.
Oh how things have changed, looking back. Everything is pointless and I donāt even care anymore.
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Idk where to start. Thereās an underground bunker I. The woods near a stream. Belongs to my friend. They keep a lot of weed there cuz they are dealers I think. I go down there a lot to hang out. One time I bring weed of my own because a different friend and I are gonna smoke and fool around but I have a bad feeling so I take the weed elsewhere then go back. Owners arrive so other friend has to leave before anything happens between us. Then the bunker gets swatted and searched for drugs. They find nothing and apparently my friends knew this would happen and Iām glad that I moved my own weed. Later that day we are hanging out. Female friend is on the couch in the bunker or something in the living room area. Male friend (her boyfriend) is cooking in the back and Iām doing idk what in the dark room next to where heās cooking (storage area?). Someone breaks in. Starts shooting at friend who is cooking. Dream logic, a lot of the bullets are missing him and he seems fairly calm as if he was expecting this. I scream and drop to the ground to avoid getting shot. Friend is killed. Bullets start going through the wall of the storage room. Aka heās right on the other side and shooting through the wall to fuck with me. Dream logic he either has infinite bullets or itās a machine gun or a mix of both. He shoots through the wall in a diagonal pattern at first. He brings his shots lower and lower to where he somehow knows that I am laying and I start crawling backwards, essentially trapping myself as the bullets leave a trail in the wall, following me. What happens next is a blur but he doesnāt kill me for some reason. Turns out shooter is a middle aged authority figure that my friends and I know. At some point while Iām pretty much āhidingā and terrified, he brings more people down to the bunker and they are talking about I couldnāt tell what. I only recognized one of the people as one of his students. Shooter/teacher dude ends up killing everyone but the student and itās bloody and gory everywhere. Student has a crooked smile and they seem to forget Iām even here. The end of the dream is a bit blurry but I think the teacher/shooter kills himself, and then his student remembers Iām there.
For some reason I woke up from this dream feeling really icky and weird. Felt like a nightmare. This is strange because Iāve been unfazed by conventionally scarier dreams Iāve had in the past. I donāt get scared of my dreams I just find them interesting. The only time my dreams scare me are when Iām the one doing the killing.
In the autumn the leaves all fall for you
Iām falling every day
Springtime, flowers bloom for you
Open your heart, show me your ways
The snow is gently falling,
As winter eats the sun
But summers in our hearts babe
So hold me close, you are the one
To the right is the comforting lie. To the left each door reveals more of the truth, however distorted.
(Old dream)
Team partakes in some kind of competition but most of our team quits on us we are outcasts but we are trying to win as hard as we can to prove something we almost do but something happens they cheat or something and we lose. Sitting on stairs depressed with the friend and like what do we do now and friend is like we'll figure it out we always do. Then someone from other team walks past who I guess is like a rival and he says something like good try or something trying to be nice I refuse to look at him til he leaves. Skip ahead Major fight huge rival it's like a video game naruto fight at some points images from past revealed they use it againste see behavioral notes and stuff and they're like what's this did someone act out as a child and I keep attacking and then they see drawings and comment on them and we are like little kids suddenly and they're like did you draw these and I refuse to speak and you can tell lonely little kid and they keep talking being nice like I like to draw too these are good can I keep one and I eventually revert back to normal self and attack and they get mad about how stubborn I am and temper and want to end fight but I won't
(Old dream) A lot of people turned against me. Dragging me in chains because I hurt their family dragged them into our own feuds they were taking me somewhere had me under constant surveillance even people I thought were friends were helping with this against me over things I didn't even know about I was crying in some kind of hidden mode but they could still hear me and at one point I nearly escaped in public giant crowd one of them saw me and was like where do you think you're going I ran and almost got away but someone grabbed my wrist and they re caught me. When they took chains off I had guns pointed atms constantly. I wished they'd just kill me and knew I could do something to make them kill me but was too scared.
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(Old dream - the really creepy surreal one)
At some cool resort type place. Each floor had a theme like Disney or gaming or space. I was with a group of people. We were in room but I had to leave for some reason then I ran back and realized I didn't know the room number or floor. I tried calling the people I was with suddenly it was Ryann and she was mad that I was taking so long said some weird phrase like place of acquaintancing or something like that. I was walking down hallway trying to find our room and suddenly it changed. It got darker in the hall and there were labels on every door and at the end of the hall was a big sign and stuff that said the same phrase Ryann said. On the ground was a big cartoonish old phone set and it was ringing. Considering the phrase I assumed it was meant for me and picked up the phone. I don't remember what was said but soon a clown came out of this door to the left which was covered with a black sheet. There was some song playing and the clown was very very slow. I was connected to some cable that let me jump around. As the song went on the clown became more disturbing in appearance and a little faster and trying to come over to me. I had to keep jumping from place to place over wires and stuff to get away. Eventually the song ended and the clown faded and the face was gone and suddenly I recognized the clown as some mysterious figure and hugged it. Supposedly coming through black sheet door brings out worst in self or something. Then I was with a group of people and this thing was trying to talk to us and demonstrate something. None of us would listen and it got really mad and made this web like thing with stuff hanging on it that was gonna be cool visuals for a song of anger but it stopped and then we were in this big room. The floor was white and there was a black wall and another black sheet door the right and a black portal type door. We all had to enact our worst nightmare on ourselves. Some guy afraid of germs had to lick the walls. A girl had to dip her tongue in acid. Some perverted guy had to chew his own dick off. We were all trying to get each other through it so we could leave, even if forceful encouragement. Eventually everyone had their turn and the room became engulfed in black. I saw some guy escape through black portal door and folllwed and we watched as everyone else had stood up and become engulfed in the black. Then me and like three others were in this strange room. Almost like we were floating and it was pulsating color. Apparently now I thought someone important was missing because I was like "I can feel her.. in pieces here and there.." and some thing crawled up and said that's because this room is everything or something like that. I looked around and realized everywhere I looked I could see behind me and next to me and all around almost as if full of some strange mirrors. The thing said she may be alive, just buried
(Old dream)
I was kinda invader sim and also myself and I was kind of becoming friends with Dib it wasnāt exactly dib but it was. It was kinda back and forth between friends and not. Water didnāt hurt me but grapefruit did for some reason. I donāt remember much of the beginning of the dream I think he kept like pranking me kinda it was also in a weird big house the outside was like Nauniās. At some point I pull some kind of āprankā but Iām also really serious. I get this goal and fill it w water. And leave a note saying itās poison and bc of everything, if he wants to kill me he can. He meets me on the roof about it really really angry. And I get scared/anxious and whatever and fly away and he shouts at me to come back still angry and I donāt. So then Iām flying really really far itās not exactly flying itās like the weird half flying I always do in dreams. And eventually I go back and Iām kinda hiding from him and everyone and at one point heās like you fucking left me on the roof after that and another point Iām like outside the window and he opens all the windows on each side of the wall shouting I know youāre there but Iām staying hidden and wonāt come out. For some reason I end up going back in time to when heās a kid I think to make it so he never met me or something weird and Iām guiding him around with some group saying Iām his friend and we are going through these underground creepy tunnels and then get out and I guide him away from the group up these stairs to a pretty view of a river and heās in awe and then Iām disappearing and I see some timer going off and I realize I have to take him back or else I or at least this version of me will fade from existence so I panic and fly him back as fast as I can. Then he somehow finds out something bad about me now kid him is mad too and I sulk inside a washing machine. Weird dream
(Old dream) In this dream I am sort of like kaneki and thereās Touka and one other character. We are trapped in some organization that does testing on whatever we are supposed to be and Iām most important subject bc u know Iām kaneki. I donāt remember what happens exactly but I guess we do something wrong and the three of us are scheduled for hanging partially by choice. We arenāt scared. One guy says he doesnāt care about the other two but itād be a pity to kill me. Maybe take an arm or something instead. So the three of us are lined up in a futuristic looking type of gallows. Iām in middle. Itās time. They push whatever button they are supposed to... and the other two fall and are left dead and hanging and Iām left alone in the middle and I realize they never intended to kill me. I collapse to the ground screaming. Flash forward a bit. Iām cooperating with experiments. They say test subject is showing unexpected closeness with whatever the scientists name was and they say Iām aware of fastness and whatever. They keep throwing things at me and causing nose bleeds for whatever reason. Also thereās some kind of thing they need to give me once a day itās hard to get might be pulled from living person idk. Dream basically ends up with me empty and dead inside and fully cooperating as test subject bc I no longer care about anything
The feel of your skin against mine is like that of the sun washing over you after a long winter. Your touch, however, warms more deeply - filling all the corners of my heart.
Why did you have to make me feel things again. I was doing ok. I was alone and bored but I was learning to live again and be ok with myself and not let people abuse me and have healthy positive relationships with the few people around me and then you came along when for the first time I was actually doing ok and you ruined everything and you ruined me and continue to do so and I am powerless to change anything
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I really really canāt stand it when you talk to someone if youāre upset and they turn it around and make it all about them and their horrible life and make you be the one to comfort them. Like how selfish can you be? I act nice and stuff when it happens but come on. I just wish, for once, someone would care about me. But thatās too much to ask for. Iām completely alone. Iāve said that a lot but itās truer than ever. I donāt even have surface friends anymore. I donāt have a single person willing to talk to me. I said i would rather be alone than be treated like shit and thatās what I got. But I donāt think itās my fault. I give people countless chances. I donāt know how to stop. Because the idea of being alone terrifies me. But nothing I can do. Dan 100% confirmed he is never going to speak to me again. Jenn and Laura treated me like garbage, ignored me for days so I finally said fuck you if youāre gonna act this way find a new friend. They didnāt give a shit. Didnt even pretend to, they just ignored that message too. They only answered when I said to give back my shit. So theyāre gone now. Isnāt it great how Iām the psycho bitch in this scenario? It was the same in high school. Just because I want to be treated like Iām worth anything. I donāt ask for much. I see how everyone treats their friends, fawning over each other, having fun, supporting each other, all that, and Iāve never once had that... I donāt expect it either. But people expect me to go to the moon for them, and flip out on me if I simply show the slightest bit of emotion. Jenn can scream and cry and cut and threaten to kill herself, everyone is there in an instant. I have never acted that way. Iāve done crazy things but never thrown a tantrum like a fucking toddler because a boy doesnāt like me. I can just wear a black dress to school, people think Iām psychotic. Try and sort out problems with someone (when Iām already being the extremely forgiving one as usual), and I get yelled at for being soooo dramatic. I tell myself I donāt need anyone but. I need something. Iāve been relying on weed. But I havenāt had it for a while and I had a chance to get it tonight but couldnāt. So I had a bit of an episode. By that I just mean I cried alone in my room because of how shit life is and now Iām typing this like two hours later. And Gigi saw that I was in a bad mood and I just said I was fine and so I get flipped out on. I canāt do anything without being a nuisance to people. Wouldnāt I be doing the world a favor by killing myself?
itās not fair
